Hi folks, Dag here. Valentine's Day is coming up quick, so you better go out and get your lady some strawberry Qream Liqueur right away! She's a beautiful, independent, and sophisticated lady of today right? RIGHT? No?
We'll as most of you know I'm a bachelor with no prospects, so Valentine's Day is dead to me. It's soggy bread (like #yourmom). So I'm going to celebrate by listening to a song by everybody's favorite northerner Krazy Legz and his #1 hit song "Us The Teens" featuring OZ. Trust me...you're not ready for this. Go ahead and skip on down to track #14.
Okay. Mobb Deep Beat. Dope. What a great choice. Let's revisit the masters at work with their chorus:
"Yo! It's hell on Earth. Who's next, or going to be first. The projects is front lines - and the enemy is one time. I ain't gotta tell you, yo, it's right in front og your eyes."
Now let's see what Krazy Legs and Oz are spitting.
"So many teens . . . tryin'a keep their dreams. . . be-cuz . . . we're the proof for you got the truth for ya"
"YEAAAAH" - Lil' Jon. Are you kidding me fucking OZ? Why is your voice like that? So timid. Teens and dreams? Hahaha. Listen, nobody cares about teens or their dumb ass dreams. "I want 2b Eminem" - every teen. Why not dream about having confidence when you rap?
The first verse by old Krazy Legs is the worst and the same as every verse on every mixtape from the awful northern states (WA, ID, MT and now Minnesota). Something about his parent's not asking him how his day is going. Hey, Krazy Legs, why in the hell would your parents want to ask you anything?
Mrs. Legs - "Honey, how was your day."
Krazy - "Rappin' all day, you wouldn't understand"
Mrs. Legs - "Try me, mister, maybe over this hot cocoa I made for you."
Krazy - "Everyone's callin me names. And UR dissin' me everyday about my wayz. Wishin' one day I could change. I sit all alone and pray for better days. Ur always fighting so u don't notice me cryin' all day. . . people take one glimpse at me and look away. I'm never givin' the chance or time of day. And..."
Mrs. Legs - "Eh, I have to go...I have something in the oven...I think your father's home and we really need to fight...so you just sit here and maybe get into sports? Find a hobby that suits you besides that rapping you're so bad at. And stop hanging out with OZ, maybe? He's an idiot...good talk"
Krazy - "What about the cocoa? Mom?"
**door closes quietly**
Fuck. What a sappy verse. Now for Oz, the worst rapper on the song. I'll publish his whole lyrics, but try to imagine this shit rapped out of breath and with lots of awkward pauses.
"Here...let me ask you something have you...
seen a grown man cry?*
...or say that he wishes he could fly...
as a angel in the sky...
or his child just died
deep inside
Cuz his parents took his pride have you looked inside
to see ... all ... that you can ... see
on the outside ... and you would see
if you could see
that I'm dying slow...dying to go.
So what are you going to do
when you wake up and walk through
by bedroom door to see me lying on the floor
I'm no longer here
and it'll be all because of you
mastubeckutations
your questions your investigations
ask whats wrong
why'd it take you so long to do this and do that
most of them answers you knew that
just jealous of everything you wish to be"
*Yes, when I seen a man die.
Great verse! Sarcasmo! The worst verse, more like it. Oz, dude, I can honestly say that I've never seen a grown man all that upset about his parents. Sue me. Lot's of sorry teens who think they're grown, but no grown men. Grown men handle biz son and don't make weak raps. To your point though, Oz: fucking parents. Who needs 'em? Asking you questions and shit...caring about you and shit...what a bunch of BS.
IN CONCLUSION: Clearly, for you to end up making this song, your parents suck. Real talk. So let me coach you. Man up. Quit the crybaby nonsense and grow a pair. Do something with your life. No girls want to be around sorry losers with no confidence. Actually, nobody wants to be around people like that. And your parents. Shit. Everybody has them and everybody gets hassled by them. They're just people and they screw up too but they've got to ask you questions and get on your case. It's their job, dumbass. Just stop. Also stop rapping. Start doing good in school so that you can get a good job someday.
US THE TEENS SCORE 0/10
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