Training Day on Backseat Freestyle Rookies

In tha Matrix 2013. Today we're going after rookies. Like some kind of veteran cop or something who is assigned a rookie and then has to teach them how it really is. Like Denzel Washington in Training Day.


Yep. You a long way from Starbucks homie. We're all a long way from Starbucks today, feel me? We're gooing to see what kind of amateurs are trying to spit over Kendrick Lamar's "Backseat Freestyle" beat, which is one of the best beats. A beat just for big dogs, you feel me?  So here is the original:



Produced by Hit-Boy. The guy who is making a ton of big name shit right now like The Throne's song about visiting Paris, and Kanye's song about his clique. But the real star of the show is Kendrick Lamar (duh). So without anymore delay...

BRING IN THE ROOKIES. Sick 'em dogs.

Now safety is first, you give us shit boom, we give you lead. Let's do this right so we can all go home and do the wife or the girlfriend thing...

First we have Killa Beat - Backseat Freestyle aka Matt Schaffner, who is very associated with the Wu-Tang Clan? He's the lost twentieth member.



Sad. Very few skills. Is identifing a dope beat a skill? Remember how Kendrick started off this song cuttin' heads? This guy's jump off sounds like his mouth is stuck in a vacuum. "Blung, my music blurg overpowerin, shallowin blarg"

Kenderick also has a nice transition from the verse to the hook that starts with "damn I got bitches", it works perfectly in the original since the beat is so basic and it's somewhat melodic. Also, nobody else can do that. Matt tries and fails miserably:

"Damn he got skills, damn he stock bills, stock not stack bills, but damn he got bills"

Say what? So lame. Then he says "smoke does not kill, cuz I got gills".

Goodness me. What a mess.

Shit, then he says that he is "realer than Wikipedia" which is known for being not being real. It's like saying he "smells better than sewer" or he "reads better than infant". Sure, Matt, your a little better than the worst. I'll give you that.

It goes on and on. Hey, Matt, let's chat. How's seventh grade going? Tough, right? Stupid history class and PE? #ditchday2013. Halo 4. Buckwild. Teen mom.  I know the lingo. We know that money is an issue. If you were really "stocking" money wouldn't your vocal production sound better? Cuz right now it sounds like you put this together on your Wii. Selena Gomez. Your mother and I noticed that you talk a lot about drugs. We think you need to lay off the drugs and focus, I think your music would benefit from your sobriety. Whatever you're using is screwing up your mind and making you say really stupid things. We still love you though. Oh and stop affiliating yourself with the Wu, it's pathetic. Actually, give up on rap and focus on some other dream that doesn't offend people. You like Lego still right? Or maybe something with Lady Gaga! You love her. Whatever. Follow your (non-rap) dream!

----------------------------

After that garbage, I don't know if I can handle another rookie track. How about Backseat Freestyle ft. DaveyB, Danny Base, and DollyDaDawg (MUSIC VIDEO)?



I like it. Dancing. A dog rapping! I love it! The perfect video. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from the rookies after all.  #SALUTE.

IN CONCLUSION: Rememeber how at the end of Training Day the veteran cop climbed a crane on the top of a building while the rookie commandeered a Harrier Jet? And the the rookie was like "the problem with veterans? They're really inconsiderate when it comes to people's schedules." Then he kills the veteran Denzel Washington with a missle or something? The End. End spoiler alert.

At first I thought we would teach some new jacks a lesson just like in that movie, and Killa Beat (or whatever that shit is) needs a lesson because he's so fake. Then Davey and Danny and the dog come around and make my day. Guys, Kendrick would be proud. Also, I don't remember the movie Training Day very well I think.

Killa Beat Score 0/10
DaveyB, Danny Base, and DollyDaDawg Score 10/10

Yo! Check Out My Cover: Famoso "Audio Dope"

Yo! Check Out My Cover: Famoso "Audio Dope"

Audio and Visual Dope!

--Official Stats--

Artist: Famoso and DJ Mickey Knox (of Sirus Radio)
Title: "Audio Dope"

Uploaded to DatPiff: 10/13/2008
Listens: 160

This is where I review an album cover (that's right, just the cover).  AND I make it a point not to listen to the music.  Lazy.

Okay!  I don't know anything about Famoso (except that I don't like his name).  But I can gather a lot of info from the cover of his mixtape Audio Dope.  First, he's probably not that creative.  Honestly, how many times as the comparison between hip hop and drugs been made? A Bazillion?  Probably, and that just so happens to be how many CDs Famoso has stacked up on the boardwalk there.  It's hard to tell what  is going on with that picture as a whole, so I'm going to try to break it down in sections. 

1. There is definitely a city glowing green.  Radiation?  Ghostbusters?  Who knows? It's ambiguous.

2. There is a truck parked in the river.  Either that or it is flooding.  I gather that Famoso has something to do with that truck, but, once again, it's hard to tell.   Maybe his uncle owns the trucking company and we caught Famoso during his night shift.  Who knows? OR maybe he is on break.  That would explain why he is checking his watch.  Get back to work Famoso.

3. There are dogs barking at the city.  Some on the right, and then some more copied, flipped, and pasted on the left.  Are they protecting the Audio Dope?  Or maybe attacking the flood water?  Are they Famoso's attack dogs (or his uncles)? I'm guessing they are spooked by the glowing green city or the storm clouds rolling in (dogs can sense that you know).

4. Stacks!  What an important concept in rap.  Famoso has stacks of CDs, stacks of money (two), stacks of something else there by the truck.  Keep stackin' G.

5. He left his iPod out, right next to his stack of money.  I wonder if he got paid (the cash), bought a new iPod (cool), and is planning to upload all the music from those CDs to it.  That makes sense, it's hard lugging around all of your favorite CDs, especially when you have to watch your uncle's clone dogs during a radiation storm.

6. He looks angry.  I'll tell you what, when I got my iPod I was stoked.  Big Time.  He's probably mad because his truck got flooded out.

7. Anyway, he looks warm and he has plenty of money to get something to eat and a new truck, so things are looking up for Famoso!

Good luck with your mixtape and career, and keep working on those album covers!

Art Score: 0/10