Thursday, June 30, 2011


Odd Future Mysteries: The Case of the Bayou Swamp Witch

"We're doing this crap again?" - You.

After a wrapping up a successful show in Baton Rouge, Louisiana the Odd Future Team decided to skip the tour bus and drive straight back home to California in a rented van.  Southern Louisiana if full of dark and creepy swamplands and Taco, who was driving, became more and more disoriented from the dirt roads and swampy swamps.  The deeper they traveled into the Bayou, the more frightened the team became.  Just as they were at their wits end and about to turn back Taco spotted a man standing by the side of the road and pulled up next to him to ask for directions to the highway.  But as the man turned, the team was stunned to see that he was a zombie!  Taco floored it and the team raced away, but Taco soon lost control on the wet roads and crashed into a fence at a nice little house.

TACO, Rapper & Driver
The owner of the house, Todd, was very friendly and invited them in for tea after he checked to see if they were okay.  As Tyler, the Creator described the man on the side of the road Todd appeared nervous.  He mentioned that he knew about the man and confirmed that he was, in fact, a troublemaking zombie.  Worse, he was conjured up by a powerful witch who lived deep in the swamp.  Todd and his cousin Ted had seen her bring the zombie to life a few months earlier and nobody had dared to go near the swamp since.  The nearby town had become deserted.

Frank Ocean Doubts this Zombie Business

While Tyler, the Creator, Syd the Kyd, Taco, and the rest of the team stayed behind for dinner, Hodgy Beats and Frank Ocean went off to Ted’s shack to question him.  But as they searched the shack they noticed that not only was Ted missing, but the only thing left of him was a voodoo doll lying in his bed.  Fearing the worst, Hodgy Beats and Frank Ocean rejoined the team and set out into the swamp on a fan boat to save Ted from the Swamp Witch.  After some searching, Syd the Kyd heard an unusual noise from deep in the swamp and realized that they were being watched, so she shined her floodlight in the direction of the sound and spotted the swamp witch and the zombie on another fan boat.  The chase was on!  The Odd Future team followed the evil duo to an abandoned riverboat, which the witch was using for a hideout. 

The witch and the zombie disappeared into the boat while the Odd Future team entered cautiously.  The riverboat was terrifying and had the Odd Future team shook, but they pressed on hoping to solve the mystery and save Ted.  As they entered the main deck of the boat Frank Ocean noticed a row of voodoo dolls resembling each member of the Odd Future team.  Left Brain let out a frightened gasp and suddenly the witch appeared before them in a cloud of yellow smoke and bellowed “Leave. LEAVE! BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!”.  But before the team could react, the witch quickly disappeared in another cloud of smoke, but this time she took Earl Sweatshirt along with her.

Earl Sweatshirt is in trouble!
After their initial shock, the Odd Future team deduced that it was all a trick, and Syd the Kyd searched the floor for a trapdoor.  It wasn’t long before she found it, and the team dropped down to the swamp and found the witch’s footprints leading to a swampy junkyard.  The team spotted the fanboat that the witch and the zombie were using along with a long iron tipped pole.  Mike G wondered aloud what that was for when Hodgy Beats noticed moaning coming from the distance and set out with Frank Ocean to investigate, they soon discovered the zombie moaning in the cabin of an old boat.  The zombie chased them into an old Bayou saloon but the Odd Future boys managed to lose it by hiding behind the bar. Once the zombie gave up searching, the boys tried to regroup with the rest of the team, but the rest of Odd Future was nowhere to be found. 
Frank Ocean called out to his team, but the noise attracted the swamp witch who appeared out of thin air and flew across the swamp toward them.  Hodgy Beats and Frank Ocean started running but were not able to stay ahead of the flying witch.  At the last second the boys jumped down an old coal chute and fell onto the deck of an old boat, they then crashed through the floor onto a lower deck maintenance room, they had escaped!  As their eyes focused in the dark they discovered the rest of Odd Future, including Earl Sweatshirt, tied up and gagged.  Hodgy Beats and Frank Ocean untied the team and raced back to their fanboat.  As they sped back to safety Tyler, the Creator spotted the witch following them!  She was once again flying through the air, the team was frightened and tried to go faster but something seemed odd. Taco noticed a wire coming from their boat, as he pulled it he realized that it was attached to the swamp witch.  The witch was just a balloon, that’s how she was able to fly.

"A balloon, of course." - Taco
The team was freshly convinced that this was all some sort of trick and decided to return to the main road to alert the authorities.  But as Left Brain navigated through the trees of the swamp, he noticed that the throttle control of the boat had been tampered with and was stuck at the highest speed.  They would crash into a tree!  As he franticly worked to fix the accelerator, Syd the Kyd threw out the anchor.  She hoped to snag an underwater root or tree, but instead heard the anchor snag something metal.  The boat slowed down as it pulled up an old armored truck from a Baton Rouge bank, full of money.  Left Brain was able to disconnect the gas line and fix the boat while the Odd Future Team devised a plan to capture the witch and the zombie.

Earl Sweatshirt and Domo Genesis decided to dress up in money sacks and lure the witch and zombie toward the armored truck where they could be locked inside.  The plan was set into action. Sure enough, the zombie and the witch appeared and followed the bags toward the truck, but at the last second Domo Genesis slipped and fell into the truck along with the villains.  As Syd the Kyd and Tyler, the Creator closed the doors, Jasper Dolphin was able to use a fishing rod and pull Domo Genesis to safety just as the doors latched shut, but not before he was able to grab the masks off of the witch and the zombie, who turned out to be Todd and Ted!

Tyler, the Creator called the police while the bad guys explained what happened.  They had stolen the truck years ago and lost control of it on the slippery Bayou roads.  It crashed into the swamp, but Todd and Ted were unable to find it.  They used the iron tipped pole to search for the truck, but perceived that the locals were finding their behavior suspicious, so the pair came up with the witch and zombie plot to scare anyone off who came around, and it worked. In the end the money was returned to its owners, the locals were able to return to their swamp homes, and Todd and Ted ended up in jail.  Odd Future saved the day!

Thank God for Odd Future!

Mystery Score: 10/10

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