Monday, October 1, 2012

We Investigate Hip Hop Abs

"Would you  like to get flat, firm, sexy abs without ever getting on the floor for painful sit ups, boring crunches, or gimmicky ab machines?"


HI! It's almost Christmas in the United States, so you know what that means: getting your abs hot for the Holidays. I don't know about you but my abs are a mess. I mean, I think they're a mess...I haven't seen them since 1991. I'm fat. That's sad for me, but I've decided to make a change. It's time to blast the shit out of my abs with something that I love: hip hop! Y'all been warned. LL Cool J.

So, let's take a look at "Hip Hop Abs" and see what this is all about. Well, it's a "breakthrough weightloss system that combines fun cardio dance with targeted ab sculpting moves". Eeeh. I don't like the sound of that. Dancing? "Fun"? No thanks. I don't dance no more, all I do is this (shuffle around). Maybe hip hop abs aren't for me. But you can still do it. Here, check out the commercial while I just lay back and listen to my favorite kind of music: hip hop.

"Serious core work"? NO THANKS. I hate work. That looks terrible. Good luck.

Anyway, let's take a look at the music. HIP HOP AND YOU DON'T STOP.  Well, where is the hip hop? I hear "beats", but they're all very generic. Let me ask you this, Shaun T.: where is the hip hop? I didn't hear a single rhyme. I heard a lot of beats that sounded like they came off of an informercial, but nothing official.

How can you have hip hop abs without hip hop? That's just "Abs". I have abs. Flabby abs. Where was Big L? Where was Talib Kweli? Hell, where was Wiz Khalifa? Where was Flo Rida? What about Dizzee Rascal? This is a disaster. This isn't Hip Hop Abs. It isn't even Rap Abs. It's more like Generic Beat Maker Abs. Or Dance Abs. Come on Shaun T., get a life. Who are you trying to appeal to with this? Thugs? Housewifes? Backpackers? Gym teachers?

IN CONCLUSION: Get your mind right Shaun T., and get ya titles right.


No Anything!

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