Ultimate Rebel Machine Gun Kelly Does it Again! Breaking News!

Franklin Mills Mall, Do Not Allow Admission to MGK

OH BROTHER. Remember our friend Machine Gun Kelly, also known as our generation's Ultimate Rebel? The guy who fearlessly stood on a table in a Ohio mall food court and irritated shoppers in line the Talbots? Well, he's done it again, AT ANOTHER MALL, this time in Atlanta. Let's get the scoop.





Wild out! Great show. Actually, I did kind of like it. I think my reaction would have been a lot like the guy who recorded that video. At first I would have been quiet. Then I would have wondered why MGK was just flipping everyone off. Then I would have been laughing. Then I would have said "what did they expect".

UH-OH! Does this mean that I will now stop hating on MGK? I don't know! I still don't like his music, and I still don't like his "BAD BOY" image. And I even think that someone big should have slapped him down from that table and headlocked him until he started crying. But I do like when he performs at an event put on by Microsoft and yells "Fuck these computers and shit!" HAHAH! YES! SCORE! Maybe he even stomped on some expensive laptops before flipping off everyone!

Look, Microsoft and The Source (is that still around?), what in the fuck did you expect when you invited this guy to perform? Of course he's going to go bonkers, that's his thing. Of course he's going to use foul language and refuse to follow orders. That's what he does best.

"CUT OFF THAT MUSIC! MGK IS GOING CRAZY. Get him off the stage place we display expensive computers and into the employee restroom." - Microsoft Store




Let's see what the fallout was.

From Microsoft: The Source held a private event at the Microsoft Lenox Square Store. "We offer our stores as a venue for the community to use, and this event was not sponsored by Microsoft," says a spokesperson. "While the artist’s behavior was appropriate for a concert, some of it was not appropriate in a store environment."

HAHA! What a crock of dumbasses.

As for MGK:

“Last Friday, I was asked to perform at The Source’s Power 30 reception and honored to do so...My only goal was to give a great performance...Contrary to what is being reported by the media, I did not stomp on any computers, damage any store property nor were the police called on my behalf...There was some confusion as to where I should perform. But, in the end, it was all resolved. I’d like to thank The Source for the opportunity and let the people at Microsoft know I meant no disrespect.”

HAHA! Sure. You're forgiven I guess. If Microsoft can forgive you for saying to fuck their computers, why can't we?

IN CONCLUSION: Tearing up this shit is a pure hip hop move, but it's also kind of a jackass move. Grow up, MGK. But also break this fucking system down and teach these rich fat cats a lesson.

MGK WILD OUT SCORE 6/10 

Brought to you by the people of Microsoft.

 

Yo! Ohio Flashmob Raps! - Breaking News

MGK! 

I guess you could say that this is breaking news even though it broke sometime back. Whatever, it's stupid anyway. So just as I was thinking that traditional flashmobs were a thing of the past (being replaced with less fun but equally stupid violent flash mobs) this happens. It's just a terrible flashmob hosted by a rapper, and you know when something bad happens in rap Puff Daddy is probably involved (he is). So this is basically a rap flashmob, in the affluent suburbs, hosted by Machine Gun Kelly (good grief) from none other than Bad Boy Records. Let's get the scoop:



That's embarrassing. I love hip hop, but shit like this makes me want to walk away. It's hard to see the art form stray so far from its roots. Puff Daddy should be apologizing...you crazy for this one Puffy (in a bad way)!

"Stop here mom driver, we'll go in through the Sears, then we'll flashmob the food court. Pick us up at nine." - Machine Gun Kelly

Do people still go to the mall? I mean, really? I guess in Ohio where your choices are (1) go to the mall or (2) go to Walmart with grandma, you'll probably go to the mall. In this video it looks like EVERYONE goes to the mall, especially when a terrible rapper shows up to stage dive off a table in front of the Chick-Fil-A. I guess he was born to be a Bad Boy! Also, mall security was hating! "Call for reinforcements, Machine Gun Kelly is trying to get to the Gap! Mobilize the JC Penny security team!"

I know I'm old and I don't go to the mall and I think flashmobs are fucking stupid, but what is a flashmob? In this video it looks like a bunch of kids show up and cheer while a few idiots jump around with their hands up while no music plays and mall security chokes them. "Yo, B! Set the megaphone to 'SIREN' and let's wild out!". T-Shirt's off! That's a cool way to spend an afternoon. This may be a case where I'm actually rooting for increased mall security brutality! CHOKE HIM OUT! CHOKE HIM OUT! BREAK OUT THE TAZERS! PUSH HIM OVER THE LEDGE! TURN ON THE CROWD! RELEASE THE HOUNDS! I MEAN HOLY SHIT! Every single person in this flashmob is worse than the last, you're a bunch of lowlife losers and Machine Gun Kelly is the worst and lowest life of them all and he's your leader. I mean that footage where the limo is driving away from the mall and all these gross kids are just running around like dead-eyed zombies makes me want to distance myself from civilization. But I did like that the two fans who turn up at the police station are like eight years old. MGK For Life! Then NAP TIME!

I guess it's time for full disclosure. I've been to this mall before. My travels have taken me to Strongsville, Ohio! That's how international I roll. My uncle had a wedding and I had to get my tux from this very mall. Small world right? I remember that it was a normal mall, but at that time there weren't any Bad Boy artists ruining my experience. Needless to say, if I had to wait to get a tux (that I didn't want to wear anyway) because of some bored kids "mobbing" I would have been pretty mad. Also, MGK (as Machine Gun Kelly is known casually) is from East Cleveland, and this horrible mall is in (the nice) suburbs west of Cleveland, so people turn out for the best "artist" they've got in their area. I mean, look at Nelly, I'm sure they still love him in Missouri.

The Next Generation of Bad Boy:
B.I.G.was grabbing #1 Mom Pendants, MGK is holding up the line at Cinnabon.

In the end MGK says he "showed the power of the movement". Nope. He "made a statement"? Nope. He showed appreciation for his fans? Nope. At least it showed that he was "still grounded". Nope. He demonstrated that bored kids will turn up for any idiot who is willing to stand on a table at the mall. Ohio!

Well, at some point I hope I can listen to some of the newest Bad Boy's music (probably not, knowing how Puffy handles new artists). Cleveland must have something to offer besides Bone* right?
*Bone was pretty good for their time. 

FLASHMOB SCORE 0/10

Yo! Just What You Wanted: Cover Wars! Puff Daddy vs. Looptroop Rockers

Yo! Just What You Wanted: Cover Wars! Puff Daddy vs. Looptroop Rockers

Who wouldn't like this: A WAR!  Better yet: an international war! Even better yet: a hip hop war! U.S.A. versus Sweden. Stars and Stripes versus whatever they have (which is nothing!)! WE WIN. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! WE WIN! Or do we? Yes, this is a hip hop battle, so we should have this in the bag. Sweden is being represented by some weird homeless guys called Looptroop Rockers (LOooOL). BUT, Ol' Glory is being represented by Puff Daddy...In a hip hop battle. Not as happy now are ya?

"But" you say, "Surely Puffy can beat some homeless Swedish at rapping!" Can he? Well, he might have two advantages. The first is that we are not concerned with album content, just album covers! The second is that Puffy has tons of money and can hire the best artists imaginable to take his picture. But Swedish homeless are genuinely hungry, and they aren't as concerned with style, they just want food.  They've crafted their techniques on years of begging.  So yep, I think we're doomed (probably). Glup. Let's meet our contestants: 


First: the man responsible for saying "yeah" and "uh-huh" continuously behind most tracks by the greatest rapper of all time, the Notorious BIG: Puff Daddy!

GULP!

--Official Stats--

Artist: Puff Daddy 
Home Country: United States

Objects: Album Covers

Aliases: All kinds of combinations of Puff, P., Daddy, and Diddy

Affiliations: Bad Boy, The Notorious B.I.G., Ma$e

And his opponents, all the way from Sweden, some homeless hip hopperz called the Looptroop Rockers!

Wait, did Puffy ever have a beard?

--Official Stats--

Artist: Looptroop Rockers
Home Country: Sweden

Objects: Album Covers

Aliases: Who knows?

Affiliations: Gnucci Banana (LOL on whatever that is)

So Let's get to it. Which cover is better:

ROUND 1: Looptroop Rockers "Modern Day City Symphony" vs Puff Daddy "No Way Out"






I've got to give this one to the Looptroops! I know their cover is mostly red and just has an escalator in an abondonded city, but it looks European or something. But Puff's cover really sucks (and always has). It's embarrassing, I mean was it supposed to look like it was printed on a paper bag? Who are those dudes with Puffy? Did they come from a funeral? I don't know. The writing is really fancy but the picture is pitiful. Hey Diddy, fire your art director and let's move on to round two. Rally. Rally. Win win win.


ROUND 2: Puff Daddy "Forever" vs Looptroop Rockers "The Struggle Continues"





This one isn't so easy, is it. Both covers are just appalling. The Looptroops have horrifing people (-100) over a city (+20) with some cool fonts and colors (+20) and tagged jeans (+5). Puffy has, well, a lot of Puffy (-200). Also, a lot of white background, a lot of beanbag, and a lot of arms. We lose again. Another landslide for Sweden. Okay, it's now or never Diddy.


ROUND 3: Looptroop Rockers "Fort Europa" vs Puff Daddy "The Saga Continues..."





Look at Looptroop's cover, anything could beat that. It looks terrible. Nonsense all around: zoo animals, table tennis, rainbows, missles, rocks or something, birds, and a giant gun.  Holy cow, they basically handed this one to Puff. Okay Diddy, bring your 'A' game to these Swedish homeless. Wait, what's that? Your just going with black. Okay, classy, kind of. Kind of like Metallica. Oh, and you want to add white lettering. Are you kidding? Did you give up? You feel like you already lost so you're not trying. Well thanks a lot, you just gave them another point. YOU'RE BEING BEAT BY EUROPEAN HOMELESS. ABBA came from there, you have the advantage of working with one of the best rappers in history. Listen, at least pull it together and score one point. Next time America will reign. Oh wait, you won this one Diddy. Just barely and by default, becasue anything could have beat that rainbow junk.

ROUND 4: Puff Daddy "We Invented the Remix" vs Looptroop Rockers "Good Things"






Finally, the 'A' game. Well, more like the 'C' game (or worse), but we'll take it. Puff your cover is stupid, but not terrible. It's better than most other rap covers. In fact, it's your best one yet. I'm glad to see that you're taking this seriously. Now, let's see what those Looptroop goons have...uh oh. It appears that Looptroop has stepped it up as well and delivered a really good cover. Their best so far. So its best versus best. Who will win? Looptroop. The panel has spoken. It came down to beards, and that one guy could hide his beard in his sleeve. He looks ready to rock the show / throw a brick through a window. Diddy, you look like you are peeking under something or just vomited. So going into the final round it's 3/1 Looptroop. Let's finish strong America.

Final Round: Looptroop Rockers "Professional Dreamers" vs Puff Daddy "Press Play"





I understand that "finish strong" could either mean "do your best" or "phone it in", I see both groups went with the phone it in approach. The Looptroopers cover brings us back to the days of that other cover that anything could beat. Puff brings us back to the days of that all white cover that anything could beat. It's a tie for worst. Actually, Diddy wins for some reason. I hate both covers.


FINAL SCORE:
LOOPTROOP ROCKERS: 3
PUFF DADDY: 2

LOOPTROOP ROCKERS WIN!

SWEDEN! SWEDEN! SWEDEN! Carl XVI Gustaf!

Boy, what a let down. Was there ever any doubt that Puffy would let us down? He's made a career out of let downs. I still love the U.S.A. and all, but sometimes we all get humbled. Thanks a lot Puffy, you BLEW IT! (that's an angry exclamation point, and so are these: !!!!!)

U.S.A. Score: 0/10 thanks to P. Diddy