Thursday, August 25, 2011

Yo! Ohio Flashmob Raps! - Breaking News


I guess you could say that this is breaking news even though it broke sometime back. Whatever, it's stupid anyway. So just as I was thinking that traditional flashmobs were a thing of the past (being replaced with less fun but equally stupid violent flash mobs) this happens. It's just a terrible flashmob hosted by a rapper, and you know when something bad happens in rap Puff Daddy is probably involved (he is). So this is basically a rap flashmob, in the affluent suburbs, hosted by Machine Gun Kelly (good grief) from none other than Bad Boy Records. Let's get the scoop:

That's embarrassing. I love hip hop, but shit like this makes me want to walk away. It's hard to see the art form stray so far from its roots. Puff Daddy should be crazy for this one Puffy (in a bad way)!

"Stop here mom driver, we'll go in through the Sears, then we'll flashmob the food court. Pick us up at nine." - Machine Gun Kelly

Do people still go to the mall? I mean, really? I guess in Ohio where your choices are (1) go to the mall or (2) go to Walmart with grandma, you'll probably go to the mall. In this video it looks like EVERYONE goes to the mall, especially when a terrible rapper shows up to stage dive off a table in front of the Chick-Fil-A. I guess he was born to be a Bad Boy! Also, mall security was hating! "Call for reinforcements, Machine Gun Kelly is trying to get to the Gap! Mobilize the JC Penny security team!"

I know I'm old and I don't go to the mall and I think flashmobs are fucking stupid, but what is a flashmob? In this video it looks like a bunch of kids show up and cheer while a few idiots jump around with their hands up while no music plays and mall security chokes them. "Yo, B! Set the megaphone to 'SIREN' and let's wild out!". T-Shirt's off! That's a cool way to spend an afternoon. This may be a case where I'm actually rooting for increased mall security brutality! CHOKE HIM OUT! CHOKE HIM OUT! BREAK OUT THE TAZERS! PUSH HIM OVER THE LEDGE! TURN ON THE CROWD! RELEASE THE HOUNDS! I MEAN HOLY SHIT! Every single person in this flashmob is worse than the last, you're a bunch of lowlife losers and Machine Gun Kelly is the worst and lowest life of them all and he's your leader. I mean that footage where the limo is driving away from the mall and all these gross kids are just running around like dead-eyed zombies makes me want to distance myself from civilization. But I did like that the two fans who turn up at the police station are like eight years old. MGK For Life! Then NAP TIME!

I guess it's time for full disclosure. I've been to this mall before. My travels have taken me to Strongsville, Ohio! That's how international I roll. My uncle had a wedding and I had to get my tux from this very mall. Small world right? I remember that it was a normal mall, but at that time there weren't any Bad Boy artists ruining my experience. Needless to say, if I had to wait to get a tux (that I didn't want to wear anyway) because of some bored kids "mobbing" I would have been pretty mad. Also, MGK (as Machine Gun Kelly is known casually) is from East Cleveland, and this horrible mall is in (the nice) suburbs west of Cleveland, so people turn out for the best "artist" they've got in their area. I mean, look at Nelly, I'm sure they still love him in Missouri.

The Next Generation of Bad Boy:
B.I.G.was grabbing #1 Mom Pendants, MGK is holding up the line at Cinnabon.

In the end MGK says he "showed the power of the movement". Nope. He "made a statement"? Nope. He showed appreciation for his fans? Nope. At least it showed that he was "still grounded". Nope. He demonstrated that bored kids will turn up for any idiot who is willing to stand on a table at the mall. Ohio!

Well, at some point I hope I can listen to some of the newest Bad Boy's music (probably not, knowing how Puffy handles new artists). Cleveland must have something to offer besides Bone* right?
*Bone was pretty good for their time. 



  1. I ignored this in the feeds glad you wrote about it so I can now never check for this kids music. After viewing that video I reached this conclusion as well.

    MGK= Yelawolf minus any hints of realness

    ESK= what happens when Nickelodeon cancels Wild & Crazy kids.

    BBR/Diddy=better luck next time

    "that shit ain't gangsta"-Huey

  2. p.s was that DJ Khaled in the red shirt rollin him up with the po-po? "Snitches get stitches"