"Not a Dapper Dan fan, I stay casual To rock like the J it comes gradual"Brand Nubian "All For One"
"Still play the back in my thundergear down to my underwear Make all you motherfuckers wonder where I come from, 'cause motherfuck Dapper Dan I'm a gun clappa fan plus I run rappers stand" - Strang Wondah "Leflaur Leflah Eshkoshka"
"There was a brother uptown makin his own spot Makin Gucci, leather and suede tailor made That had more flavor than mom's Kool-Aid I'm gonna tell you, the name of this man He goes by the name of the Dapper Dan" - Biz Markie "Throw Back"
I guess that I don't need ot do a "who's Dapper Dan" intro since Biz sums it all up pretty well in that rap.To be clear Dapper Dan was a guy who owned a high end custom cloting shop in Harlem. He basically set hip hop fashion around 1990. You've seen his work all over the place in the old school. Check it out...
You get the idea.
The thing is that Dapper Dan technically sampled brands, and I don't mean he tried them, I mean he straight jacked their logos and used them however he wanted. He put a Nike logo on a jacket, made some money, and gave Nike nothing. That's pure hip hop.
Ya got took, Nike.
IN CONCLUSION: I don't know what this post was about. I just like the line from OGC. These clothes look werid. Word. Plus, the B-Side of that Salt-N-Pepa album is a song called "Spinderella's Not A Fella" what in the HELL is that about? Were there questions? Was there doubt? I guess we'll save that for another post.
Okay, so yo! Check it out, now. I think we can all agree that Ghostface Killah is currently the second best in the Wu-Tang Clan (behind the RZA who is practically untouchable with the production and the lyrics). Why? Is it because of his mad level of consistency for like twenty years? Yes. Is it his high quality product that he pushes out constantly? Also, yes. But it’s mainly because he is a dope MC.
Now, besides being hip hop royalty, Ghost is also known for his fashion. Sure he’s always talked about Wally’s and Clark’s, but I know him for his dinner plate necklace, son! It looks like a WWE championship belt. It’s the best and also, how much did that cost? Sometimes he just wears too many necklaces! Like he couldn't decide so he just said "I'll wear everything!" and he did.
That whole situation is funny because Cappadonna was clearly trying to position himself as the fashion center of the Wu (see his verse on Wu-Wear and his portion of the Triumph video), and Ghost just took that crown away from him naturally...by just being himself.
Now, as good as that twenty inch necklace is, it’s not the point of this post. “What?” Yep. We’re here to talk about something much, much better: his AVENGING EAGLE BRACELET. Yo!
There is a lot to say about this, so let’s do it!
AVENGING EAGLE BRACELET
First of all, a long time ago MTV called it Wonder-Woman style. Really, MTV? Are you the MTV we all know as the authority on hip hop and cool things. "Yes" - MTV. Well, hey, MTV keep your opinions to yourself, it makes me SICK whenever anyone from your pathetic crew of toady posers even mentions a real MC. GET A LIFE. Focus on what you do best: pandering to idiots and producing lousy reality shows....you're basically a clone of "E!" with a stupider fanbase.
Alrrrright. Next. How much does that thing weigh? My sources (Google) say four pounds. Four pounds! I think that’s how much a live chicken weighs! Or a Bucket of Chicken from KFC! But a real eagle weighs like ten pounds, so that’s something. Shouts to Ghost on trimming the eagle weight for comfort, son. So, next question, I guess.
Next, is it gold? Let’s do the math. Well, if it were pure gold (which it probably isn’t because that shit is soft) it would probably cost around $115,000.00! That’s not a lot for a rapper, in fact it's mad affordable! Now if you take into account the price to make it and the administrative costs, this bracelet is cashing it at well under half a million dollars. It’s a smart investment and it’s a bargain. Beyonce’s engagement ring cost Jay-Z like five million bucks, and you can’t even see that from a mile away, and it isn't shaped like a vicious bird.
So as great as this bracelet is, and we all agree that this is the best bracelet on earth except for maybe something that King Tut had or something. I think we need to talk about how awkward it would be for Ghost to wear. I'm irritated by a heavy watch, but this thing is heavy and sticks out like six inches from his forearm. I’m sure he hits it on lots of stuff and it probably accidentally ripped one of his silk boxing robes and broke a window in his house and car. Chances are also high that it accidentally cut Chef Raekwon, broke a coffee pot, poked himself in the eye, and got it snagged in a plant. Those are risks that are worth it to have such a fine bracelet. I mean if his velvet robe caught on fire there is no way he's taking it off while he is wearing the Avenging Eagle. You gotta be careful with when you hit this level of fashion, son.
Finally, this bracelet was such a good idea and such a gift to the world that Ghost has worn others, like the guy with the globe on his back (cool).
That’s it, well, almost. Ghost also dropped a mixtapecalled “Avenging Eagles” it’s basically fifty tracks of Wu hits mixed by DJ Mathematics to promote the album “Wu-Massacre”, which was a disaster.. Check it out if you want. You'd have to collect about fifty Wu tracks to be worthy of the name of this bracelet! Grammar!
Avenging Eagle Score 10/10
Ghostface Killah Fashion Score 10/10 Number of People who could also pull off this look: 0
Artist: OJ Da Juiceman Album: "I Got Tropicana Flow" (Mixtape) Available: DatPiff Uploaded: March 3, 2011 Listens: 2,889
This is where I review an album cover without listening to the album. Enjoy.
Well, we all like to look at good album covers and we all like Orange Juice! So this post will appeal to everyone and probably get a million hits! And don't think that this post was paid for by BIG ORANGE JUICE BUSINESS, because it wasn't (drink tropicana!)! Okay, so let's try and figure out who is responsible for this mixtape and all the orange. I would guess OJ Da Juiceman (wouldn't you?) since it says that, but then who are DJ Envious Styles and DJ Faded? And which one of the three has Tropicana Flow (probably OJ, DUH). Now, I know what you're saying already: all of "OJ DA JUICEMAN'S albumcoversusuallylook exactly like this, so this post is dumb." And you're right! All his covers really bank on that orange juice theme, and seriously how weird is that. It's a weird gimmick, Eminem kills his girlfriend or wife or something, that's his gimmick, Snoop Dogg is drugs, and this guy is orange juice. It's a wholesome approach.
Lets break this cover down!
I see a mansion and palm trees, so that's something. Florida, I guess. Then we have a bunch of giant juice boxes. That's weird. And Waka Flocka is on there (of course), just sitting on a giant juice box and holding up a backpack (or his image was pulled from his "Ohletsdoit" video, which it was, whatever). He looks a little irritated that someone would just superimpose a construction zone safety backpack on his hand. But it must be really important to do all that photoshop work so let's just say that it's full of oranges for an orphanage.
But now we get to the main point of this review. OJ DA JUICEMAN AND HIS ORANGE JUICE NECKLACE! OH BROTHER! I mean that necklace is bananas.
HAHAHAHAH!
I'm not saying that it's not nice, but I would say that it's creepy and weird. Weird in itself, and weird that someone would (1) buy that or make it (2) wear it (3) show it to the camera all the time. I don't have a turtle necklace, but now I see what I have to do to make it in this industry (blogging), and that is get a XXL turtle necklace and flash it at every camera like a police badge.
Jewelry courtesy of Target's Dollar Spot
Wow, so that necklace really hijacked the post here. It is a great necklace, and one of many apparently, and the eyes are numbers and the mouth looks terrible. Plus it has muscles and feet! If I were making that necklace I would definitely skip the feet...and probably skip the arms. Speaking of the arms, the orange is holding the chain like a jump rope...or like he's trying to strangle OJ. Look, little orange necklace, OJ Da Juiceman gave you life, he created you so that you could have number eyes and jump rope all day. Show some respect. He's proud of you, as proud as any father could be. He kisses your straw (see photo below). Who else would do that for you? Now OJ, just keep that little guy away from water, keep him out of bright light, and noooooo food after midnight. What a happy team.
Wait, what were we talking about again. Oh yeah, the cover of some mixtape. It's terrible. There is a guy floating or something in the background. Is he an angel? And some oranges in the sky, are they fruit angels? That's all I have. Another failed post. A waste of everyone's time.
We sincerely wish OJ Da Juiceman and his necklace all the best. Vitamin C! BFFS!
We all know and love Mistah F.A.B., and we all love what he stands for (his name literally stands for: Money Is Something To Always Have — FaEva Afta Bread). For those of you who don't know, our friend Mistah F.A.B. is an Oakland based rapper who's been in the game for a long time. He's a founder of the Hyphy movement (so, definitely a big shot) and wrote the book on how a driver should jump out of a moving vehicle to dance. It's just a typical thing:
Pull up, hop out, all in one motion
dancing on the hood, while the car still rollin'.
Stuntin', shinin', flamboastin'
on one high, off that potion.
Windows down, feet out of it,
damn that boy high, he out of it.
Thizzin' t grettin, and gridin
ice in his mouf, you know he big timin'.
Chevys, Buicks, Regals, and Ribbys tho
first i seen ghost ride, was critty bo
goin' dumb, party like ditty do.
Mistah F.A.B. I'm the prince of the city, hoe. Ghost ride, ghost ride. GET OUT THE WAY! Let casper drive!
Ghost ride, go crazy,
who that drivin? Patrick Swayze!
Those lyrics are just nuts right? By the way, that song is to the Ghostbusters beat and if you don't like that you've got to be some kind of hater or Taliban. One more thing, FAB and his crew roll a short school bus for the video which is just genius. Genius! And also: holy shit! Kids today, right? Parent's just don't understand. I just don't understand! Okay, so FAB's career is a lot of that, and that's fine. I hope he keeps doing his thing and making all the money in California. Buy his albums you filthy haters and play them inside your car as it rolls down the street basically out of control.
But that's not the point of this post. I want to focus on one thing, Mistah F.A.B.'s brilliant T-Shirts. If this guy is a genius of Hyphy (he is), then he is going to get the nobel prize for t-shirts. I mean:
Yep, Casper in the Short Bus!
I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's his own face on his t-shirt, and both are reppin' their chain.
Who's that shirt? Baaaayyy Biiizzzzz!!!!
The Yellow Bus Ridah
He's just taking T-Shirts to the next level, something you're not doing at all. So get off the computer and hit the Air Brush stop at the Mall.
Mistah F.A.B. Shirt Score: 10/10
Jin can't even make eye contact with the shirt. I love this picture.
If there is one thing that I like to do it's stay cool. I don't mean low temperatures in the hot summer either, I mean fresh threads ya knucklehead. So when I want to be at my coolest I look to rap artists and especially bootleggers for guidance and deals. BOOTLEG CLOTHES! Actually, I don't like to wear bootleg clothes...those lousy bootleggers, they take everyone's ideas and just make them cheap and sell them to make money. I'm talking cheap like the collar falls off the first time mall security grabs at you during an escape. You know: CHEEEAAP. So back to bootleggers, or more specifically, the bootleggers who took the iconic Wu-Tang "W" logo and made a t-shirt iron-on or something and then sold it for big bucks while the actual Wu-Tang Clan got nothing. Those guys. Obviously all the Wu fans wanted Wu-Branded merchandise, so the Wu decided to actually sell it themselves and beat those bootleggers, so they made their own clothes (and shoes and hats and everything else). They also made a commercial disguised as a song and threw it on the "High School High Soundtrack" and also released a single. I bought both. I paid to hear two commercials.
So how about a little Wu-Wear history, fella? "No Thanks" - you. Well it's kind of important to this post. The Wu-Tang Clan was a ridiculously stong brand (which was nothing new, so was Death Row and Bad Boy at the time) and the move to sell clothing really strengthened the connection between the artist and other ways to make money besides music. This song was the official starting point, after this a lot of the big rap artists started affiliating themselves with clothing (but maybe not as directly).
But the Wu didn't settle for just selling clothing at Macy's (which they did), they also had their own stores that only sold Wu-Wear. Exclusive! Being an idiot, and a true fan (and living near the store) I visited the Wu Wear store in Philadelphia. You had to ring a buzzer to get in. The store was about the size of a 7-11, and it was really nice inside, like somewhere you would buy a business suit. They had hardwood floors, dramatic lighting, expensive looking paint schemes and moldings. They had a wide variety of merchandise: jeans, hoodies, key chains, t-shirts, jackets, gloves, shoes, and much more. I also remember seeing the price on a pair of jeans and immediately planning my escape, that shit was expeeennnsssive ($$$$)! I was (and am) low on the CREAM, son!
Raw No-Shows
Before I start reviewing the actual song, I have a clip of RZA talking about Wu Wear, he describes how it lets the public dress like the Wu (no duh), and that it "...is just as good as Polo, Tommy Hilfinger...a real strong competitor inside the garment district." Okay, what is the "Garment Dustrict"? He goes on to say that Wu Wear was put out to help express the rawness of the streets, to help tell the story of the struggle that the members of the Wu experienced...the song is dedicated to that same message. That's so dumb, here's the song...
So who ended up being recruited for the commercial? RZA, Method Man, and Cappadonna (who was still getting established thanks to his late start in the Clan).
The song starts out with a pretty strong beat, listening to it there is no doubt that RZA is behind the production. Meth drops the hook, half singing, half whining, and to be honest it's both irritating and catchy...like crabs. Then the beat changes up a little and RZA starts tearing it up over a doorbell. Rewind: RZA starts tearing it up over a doorbell. Where do they come up with these beats? Huh, kids today a long time ago. His verse is vintage RZA, hes talking about sodium benzoate, chicken thighs, and triglycerides. It's amazing. He manages to stay mostly on the Wu Wear topic, and talks about someone who was lost, "then he became highly civilized and spent time amongst the wise, went through a garment renaissance". RZA then lists all the clothing brands that this person stopped wearing (read: competitors brands) and claims that he now wears "strictly Wu Wear". Great verse.
Meth hits the hook again, then Cappa comes in with an absolutely irritating verse. He also manages to stay on the topic of fashion (something he is very good at), but his lyrics are a bit more random. He doesn't do anything memorable, except he closes his verse with a final frenzied sales pitch: He mentions Wu-Wear several times and sounds completely out of his mind. His lyrics kind of make sense when you read them, but they are absolutely incomprehensible on the song.
Now it's my time, Asian Wu Wear, Cap and fleece wear / One wear plaids the Don will hold the best for all wear / plus boo wear, Wu Wear, what's going on / We're the best of this year, Wu Wear and fleece wear
Whut? Finally Meth drops the final "verse" (only two lines) in the same singing/whining voice and for some reason it works, he basically takes the hook and extends it a few lines, then drops two lines with his normal flow. Meth also manages to advertise the clothing brand, but his pitch might not be as effective:
"Official nasty asses, straight shots in dirty glasses / Wu Wear fleece for you and your stinkin piece"
The rumor is that Method Man was opposed to the whole concept of Wu-Wear, he was even quoted as saying, "I never rock that shit". So listen close: every time you hear him spitting the hook you can hear him dying a little bit inside. Actually, he experiments a little on this song, and sounds good...which is partly a tribute to RZAs production ability.
The song wraps up with Meth rocking the hook over an extended instrumental filled with doorbells and random keyboard pounding. I like it and so do you! Overall this is a good song and a good commercial. It definitely has a different vibe than most other Wu songs...it almost sounds happy. The clan push their brand hard, and mention other clothing brands about twenty-five times during the four minute song. But it all works...nice job to all the Clan (even Ghost and he wasn't even on this track)!
Wu-wear is still around today, the physical stores are (mostly) closed but they still have an online shop. I don't know who is buying it but they still release new gear. However, it is obviously not a priority: on the Wu-Wear website, the Clan's biography discusses how they are coming together to work on "The W" which dropped almost ten years ago. Maybe they need another commercial/song.
Score: 8/10
Yep. I Wu-Tang Wu. (Probably not official Wu-Wear)
Yo! Check Out My Necklace: Skool Boy
- Remember how we all LOLed about Rick Ross' necklace of his own face, because that really is a great thing. It's the best thing. Simply beautiful. So I wondered what other kinds of chains people are rocking. What other magic is out there? Well, it didn't take me long to find this:
To get the fruity taste he's gotta trick Fred!
Amazing! First of all, that's Skool Boy! Second, who the hell is Skool Boy? Third, that necklace is the best.
So Skool Boy is a rapper from ATL, he came up with the Rich Kids (you remember that track My Partna Dem, right? Just classic ATL!) and has made a name for himself as a solo artist. Swag Community! Anyway, Skool Boy likes cereal and you didn't know that chains like this existed. Now, I'm pretty sure that this isn't made from precocious stones (it looks like glitter and Elmer's), but still, that's a lot of work. But it's all worth it in the end. "Actual size cereal box chains" are definitely the next "my own face chain". Let's take a look:
And a closer look:
A purrrfect match! (worst joke)
He even added those nutrition flags at the top of the box. Skool Boy really knows how to do this kind of thing.
So is it actually a box? Does it have the nutrition information jeweled out on the side? So many questions. But we know this for sure: Skool Boy may not have Rick Ross beat on chains (you can't beat your own face), but he has him beat on quantity (4 at least) and size (huge). So.....great job to Skool Boy and the whole Rich Boys Crew!
Who da hell is dem? Man, dats ma partna dem.
ALERT: WACK! Accept no substitutes!
ALSO HONORABLE MENTION (also from Skool Boy): Clock chain with matching backpack.
So, keep your eyes on Skool Boy if you like extreme necklaces! And you do, because, who doesn't?
Necklace Score:10/10 (Fruity Pebbles Cereal Box)
Necklace Score:10/10 (Frosted Flakes Cereal Box)
Necklace Score:10/10 (Crunch Berries Cereal Box)
Necklace Score:10/10 (Rice Krispies Cereal Box)
Necklace Score: 10/10 (Clock with matching backpack)
So we all know that everybody loves Rick Ross. Who could forget that one song he had about money, you know "Maybach Music 2"? I mean you love Rick Ross, and so do your friends, plus everyone in Florida and high school. So everybody. It's not up for debate. But I guarantee that even more people like Rick Ross's Rick Ross necklace. A necklace of his face. I know this is old news but it's also trilla news, and I can't pass that up. I mean it's no wonder he's in a yacht club. He started out as a correctional officer and went on to become a billionaire, so of course he would have the most amazing necklace ever. He went from nothing to something (a necklace of his own face). That necklace is going hammer. He probably didn't even have this made, he just wished for it and it was there. I mean he probably didn't even wish for it specifically, he probably just said something like "I wish I had the best necklace ever that nobody could steal." And poof there it was in his wine cellar, and he was like "Is that a mirror? No? Better! It's precsious metal formed into the shape of my face. Swagga."
It's rare that something this profound comes around and unites us. See, now that's how you get promoted to BO$$, get a necklace of your own face.
This is not BO$$ because it mocks the real BO$$ and it looks like a muppet.
Necklace Score: 10/10
Two normal guys.
Nobody is reminded of this, right?
Make sure you check out Skool Boy's equally respectable necklace collection.
