Thursday, July 7, 2011

Yo! Check Out My Cover: AG The Hustla "Streets Listenin"

Yo! Check Out My Cover: AG The Hustla "Streets Listenin"

Today we revisit my patented idea of reviewing mixtape covers. Lazy! I don’t listen to the mixtape and most of the time I don’t even know who is on the cover. It’s all random and sloppy!

So, I am looking at “Streets Listenin” by AG The Hustla, I guess.  His name is the biggest one on there so we’ll give him the credit. This is just another example of a lot of names on a mixtape cover. I mean a lot. It’s probably safe to skip the list of 27 names at the bottom, most of them probably have no idea they're even on this album. We all know the name-list is just there to lure in "customers". I mean, who wouldn’t see JT the Bigga Figga and not immediately add this to their digital collection, I mean how did they get the CEO (or something like that) of Rap-A-Lot Records to rap on here (yep, that's what JT has been doing lately)? We also have the Slide-N-Slide DJ’s (yep, the same word twice) and DJ Purfiya (who?), so you can bet this is going to be fire. Maybe even purfiya (what?).

So, what is going on here? Clearly AG The Hustla works at a radio station, which is a cool job.  But it looks like our friend is not taking his responsibilities seriously as a DJ. He is clearly on the air (there is a sign in the background that says so) so the general public is listening. Now AG has a responsibility to get the ratings up and to make the sponsors happy, gotta pay the bills. Am I right radio station general managers and accountants? Yep. So AG is doing his show and is apparently on his cell phone. Not good. Radio station manager, you should give AG a written warning for that.

“But maybe he is taking a listener call or request” – radio station manager.

So I say, “I’ll give you that. Without listening to this album I’ll have to give him the benefit of the doubt. But take a look at his work area. He’s got money stacked up (of course, because who doesn’t?). He’s got an entire box of peach flavored Swisher Sweets (gross, and no smoking in the studio). And he’s got an uncovered cup of grape soda, if that spills into the equipment the whole station could go under. We’d be ruined. I’m sure you’ll agree that he’s got three strikes.  Time to FIRE AG.”

The radio station manager replies, “well, he is a good DJ. I mean look at that hat and shirt combo, and look at those chains. Look at those shades! And his shoes (not pictured). These are marks of a professional DJ. You can’t just pull anyone off the street and expect them to be able to mix 'Nit the Pit' with 'JT the Bigga Figga'. Are you crazy? It’s a talent. AG keeps his job.”

Error, or not an error?
Then I say, “Okay. I understand it’s hard being a DJ. So let’s see what AG is playing.  It looks like he has a Slip-N-Slide DJs CD sitting on his money stacks.  While this mixtape is hosted by the Slide-N-Slide DJs, the archrivals of the Slip-N-Slide DJ’s. So, clearly there is a conflict of interest.”

“Nope. Your wrong Slip-N-Slide DJ’s and Slide-N-Slide DJ’s are friends. They are very similar. You could even say extremely similar.”

I’m really feeling the heat here, so I say, “It’s apparent AG is playing something called ‘Independent Hustlin’’…which is another AG the Hustla mixtape!  He’s playing his own mixtape on another one of his mixtapes! His own mixtape! FIRE HIM! FIRE AG! Nobody wants to hear any of this. Your ratings are going to be through the floor! A lot of jobs are at stake! It's a recession! FIRE AG NOW!”

One mixtape cover on another mixtape cover? Dope.

The manager laughs, “You are so out of it, idiot.  You see, he’s playing exactly what people want to hear. Everybody loves this music. It's the best.”

I know I’m defeated. “One last thing, he’s got a gun in the studio. A machine gun. I know your station strictly forbids firearms, so…”

“You old fool. AG isn't going anywhere. The gun is for protection.  Do you not see all the money and platinum plaques in there? Now get out of my sight.”

And End. Amazing! Call the Oscar’s and MTV movie awards.  We’ve got a new front runner: Dag Diligent for best screenwriter.

There is only one more thing that bothers me about this cover (apart from the look of contempt that AG is showing and that it looks like he is wearing lipstick) and that is his watch or gold bracelet or whatever.  Is the band broken?  Why are you holding it up?  That would drive me nuts. Take it off.  It’s not cool.  It doesn’t make you look rich.  It won’t sell give away even one more album. It just looks like your wearing something that is too big and are uncomfortable with.

Okay, that’s that. Another wasted week thanks to AG.

Art Score: 0/10

Streets Listenin'? Yes they are.

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