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Album: "I Hate N***** Vol. 3: Tight Jeans Free" (mixtape)
Release Date: Unknown
Label: New Dominyen ENT.
Ever since rap was born in the 80's, there have been different genres of rap. Party rap, political rap, gritty underground rap... But there has been one genre that has been so consistent in that day and age, and that genre is “gansta rap”. What, you thought I was going to say “alternative guitar driven atmospheric rap?” Anyways, if there's rap then there just has to people that are gangsters. They may be real, or they may be fake, or they may spit such amazing rhymes that it doesn't even matter. Unfortunately that scale tips heavily towards fake.
This mixtape is very evident of this “fake gangster” trend, complete with a cover made in the crappiest way (using paint and blatantly copying a picture of the Kanye West bear, yeah; that cover may be stupid but it actually existed.) You know, the people who call themselves gangsta even though they live in a middle class portion of a suburban neighborhood. Anyways, Dominyen (pronounced dom-myn-yen) is a
rap group two headed lyrical monsta consitin of C.E.O. (Cakin' Every Opportunity) and Furious Stylez (real original names there rap artists...) that hearlds itself from comin straight outta Virginia, a state which is also home to the Clipse, a drug-rapping group that ironically, do seem to be real gangstas... Through information publicly available; they've seemed to lived through poverty, suffer problems of the third degree, pray to god, fuck someone up once in a while, misspell almost 100% of their words and utilize really poor grammar... This may seem credible to support the fact that they're gangstas but the reality is that it's not.
According to the Vol. 3 moniker this album carries, I'm going to assume that they've made like two mixtapes before this one... And based on what I've seen on the album cover, I'm going to assume that those two mixtapes were really, really crappy. Also I'm guessing that “Tight Jeans” relates to something very generic, I mean have I ever heard of “Tight Jeans” in hip hop? Thought so!
You're probably asking me “So why are you writing about this mixtape, I mean they're not real gangstas; why should I care if I read this?” My reply: “Well there are tons of reviews of shitty mixtapes that nobody cares about, and there's no harm in writing another shitty mixtape review right? Right?!?!”
Anyways, let's get it
over with on...
1. Phone Call (Intro)
Ugh... There are just so many things wrong with this mixtape intro/freestyle. I mean how does it fit into the project? Hell, how does it even make logical sense? I'm guessing my questions will never be answered.
2. Da Breaks
Totally appalling, so much so that you'll feel delirious and light headed while this song plays out; and then you'll find yourself in a hospital laying in a bed while loud, beeping machines keep you alive. I'm guessing this is what Kurtis Blow's “The Breaks” would be like in an alternate universe, except without lyrical content or depth. I mean really, is that all you guys have to talk about???
3. All Night Feat
Tay Marie & D.J.
Apparently the answer to my question lies in this very song, and the answer is yes... Here, they talk about love and fucking their favorite chick... What, you thought this song was going to talk about the problems in the world, these guys are not too bright to be rapping about that. I can tell this is self produced because nothing else in the world sounds like this, I mean it feels like, well a clusterfuck for one, and it feels like they're trying to go with the mainstream flow rather then making their own distinctive style (adding to this is the fact that both guys sound similar, hell I thought initially Dominyen consisted of one person who changed his voice constantly) ; I mean when you have a weak ass chick that can barely sing her highs on the hook and someone who doesn't even appear on the track, that's a sign you're trying way, way too hard.
Well, it's not self produced; but it still sucks. I can easily tell that they're using vocal production software to make themselves sound better. I guess they wanted to seem more professional, now all they need is business suits and they'd be set. Oh, this song... Well apparently the title is supposed to relate to religion but apparently it's just more gangsta shit... When will they learn?
5. R.I.P. Skinny Jeans(Skit)
Apparently never. This skit shows the horrible side of skits; sound files being played over a computer and the sound of a computer fan in the background. I guess studio programs can't fix all of your issues huh?
6. Real Nigga Shit
Disclaimer: Contains 99% imitation “Real Nigga Shit”. This one has them rapping over the beat for Dipset's “Real Niggaz” and managing to come off worse then Dipset itself. I mean how the fuck is that even possible? There is also an apparent mismatch between the beat and their flow, I mean seriously; I have never seen such a disconnection in my life. Also you guys are not real gangstas, I can tell everyone right here that Petersberg is not even a ghetto, it's a village town. I'm guessing that based on their understanding of rap, their hometown has to appear as horrible as possible or else you're not gangsta... Hmmm...
7. Epiphany(I'm Leaving) Feat Mz. Bytch
Apparently there is a serious disconnect, I mean they're rapping over a beat (by Chrisette Michele no less) that's more suited for someone like Kanye West and they're supposed to be hardcore street
rappers... Sorry, gangstas son! Anyway, the fact that they sign this chorus makes this unintentionally hilarious; I mean they can't even compete with Jadakiss, and that guy is a horrible singer! Horrible! Even more horrible than Biz Markie! Also I have the feeling that Mz. Bytch (misspelled because they're gangstas son!) is just C.E.O. Or Furious Stylez but with a high-pitched voice and wearing a wig to be in character; if that's true then I just think I found an even worse offender for dressing up in drag. (Nas being Scarlet being the worst offender.)
8. Two Words (C.E.O. Solo)
I've got five. “This. Is. Horrible. As. Shit” As if this freestyle over a Kanye West beat couldn't be more of an apparent way to show that C.E.O. suck balls. I'm guessing that if Kanye West listened to this then he would enter in the most flashiest Kanye way possible and tear C.E.O. to shreds in also the most flashiest Kanye way possible... I mean really, this is the shittiest freestyle over a Kanye West beat I have ever heard of, anybody would be ashamed to admit they listened to this.
9. SOUP (Interlude)
Do you want to know why I don't post the lyrics to the songs and criticize them? It's because they're talking about the same shit and really, I don't feel like wasting virtual ink writing a bunch of lyrics and then criticizing the lyrics because you know they'll all sound the same, they'll talk about the same subjects and they'll even use some of the same line structures. Oh the interlude; why would you want to know, it's just a generic rap interlude you can find on any rap album/mixtape.
10. BackUp Feat Phat Cakes
Really, you couldn't be any more unoriginal than “I'm a bunch of gangsters and I'm taking over so you better get the fuck out of the way.” Really? And did you really have to title it “BackUp” Really? Well I can tell that we're back to the self-produced efforts and this self-produced effort feels cheap and lifeless, like they were trying to recreate a gangsta song but apparently failed... What I can say is that they really like calling strangers out to the street, as if they can make them even more hardcore then they were before; I can also that I'm running out of things to say, specifically funny things.
Obviously a freestyle of a certain DMX song of the same name. The irony here is that they're talking about the bad decisions they've made while they've spent the majority of the mixtape talking how much they're better then you and how they pray to god more better than you; what a massive jarring switch they've made...
Obviously a freestyle freestyle of a certain Jay-Z song of the same name. (I'm guessing the previous song was a written freestyle because it didn't have the word freestyle in the song title... I'm really confused over here.) No irony to be found here, they're instantly back on their gangsta shit; stringing together rhymes like a dyslexic child on antihistamines and spitting them like a drug addict on crack... Confused? Well the rappers on the track certainly are, so you're not alone... And really, you couldn't take the time to find the actual instrumental instead of the instrumental with jet sounds that appears to be training wheels for rappers who don't know how to rap?
13. Help Me Feat Vario Pachaso & Omilly
I'm beginning to think that these people are involving themselves in plagiarism; what type of plagiarism, plagiarism of the third degree, that's what! I mean why else would they make a freestyle that sounds so oddly familiar to Beanie Sigel... (The instrumental is from Beanie Sigel obviously but just focus on the lyrics, it reeks of blatantly jacked style.) Someone should put these guys in hip-hop trial in the grand court of M.C's for jocking other peoples styles and claiming it as their own.
14. On&On(Missin U)
This mixtape goes On & On & On & On & On & On & On & On... And I doubt anybody would miss them, girl or otherwise... I mean when they're taking tracks like this and laying down weak ass freestyles over them then it doesn't make anybody want to remember them or in their words, “miss them.”
15. His Bitch(Furious Stylez Solo)
It's story time! And do you know who your host is? That's right, a guy who thinks he's a gangsta, thinks he can rap and dresses somewhat excessively. Judging from the story he's telling; it doesn't seem to have a coherent plot, relevant characters or even any intimate details; I mean how the hell are you supposed to tell what story's he's even tell. All I could tell was that there was a guy who had a bad job and something about jail.
16. Rap Circles
Apparently the opposite could be said about them, as I'm guessing any rapper could rap circles around their weak flows and horrible rhymes.
17. I Hate Her 2
And yet another song revolving around some girl and fucking... Boring!
18. Fuck Dominyen(Skit)
Wait... Who would want to Fuck Dominyen? Unless.... Oh gross, why would you want to fuck yourselves?
19. 2 Not Give A FUCK(I Don't Care)
And that's FUCK in capital letters. Once again, Dominyen goes on their gangster shit and tells us that they don't give a fuck about anything; I'm guessing that statement even translate to their music, which I guess they only spent like a few minutes on, the rest of their time... Well I assume they could be... eh, that joke is beyond stale at this point; I could say more but I'm just grateful this long ass horrible mixtape is over.
Let's face it, 3 mixtapes later and they still suck. (This is assuming that the other mixtapes suck as bad as this, which I'm guessing is true.) This is without a doubt the worst mixtape I have ever listened to. I mean it just exemplifies the worst possible things in Hip-Hop. Posturing, cheapness and tons and tons of egotism; so much that I doubt that they'd be able to beat Kanye West in the egotism department. They're so caught in the fact that they think they're hardcore street gangstas with problems that they forget about the music and as such, never learn any lessons. Sure, they may sound good (due to programs that do that), they may even appear like they're spitting some dope lines but the main thing is their flows are horrible, they try so hard to make their lines look as dope as possible and in the end they forgot to include the substance and because of that, it just all falls apart at the end and it doesn't even recover.
These people are not even kids alright, they're grown men! There is no excuse for a mixtape like this to be horrible and there is no excuse for them to be living in gangstaworld thinking that they're going to get on the front cover on XXL. I mean most of the rappers featured on that magazine haven't lived up to expectations but still, there is no excuse for that kind of stuff. This should be an example for those who get too caught up in their own work to notice this kind of crap; and then listen to it, think it's good and decides to release it on DatPiff and such, and whenever anybody comments on a flaw he gives out a weak ass excuse that he barely follows up on... This would be the space where I would tell him to either practice or stop fronting but seeing as how they've released like 3 mixtapes within a span of years, I guess that advice won't apply. Instead I'm going to take some words from the Tortoise General to close out my review, words which should be relevant to the subject at hand...
“STOP RAPPING!” - Dag “The Tortoise General” Diligent
Avoid this at all costs.