Monday, September 12, 2011

Yo! That's a Mixtape: Joshua Egbuson "Hang Loose"

Yo! That's a Mixtape: Joshua Egbuson "Hang Loose"

"I'm thinking of a name."
--Official Stats--
Artist: Joshua Egbuson
Album: “Hang Loose” (Mixtape)
Release Date: January 10, 2011
Number of listens: 9

I’m in a good mood today. I just got through listening to a terrible mixtape by a couple of kids who really did a bad job at everything. It was really bad, but you know what? These guys had some clever punchlines and clearly had fun making their tape. They knew their album wasn’t the best and I could hear their good attitude in their raps, it turned out to be a good listening experience even though it was bad rap. It put me in a good mood, which is why I come here today feeling merciful toward my next official review: “Hang Loose” by Joshua Egbuson (great title). But hold on, “Hang Loose” might also be “a musical group by Joshua Egbuson and Jason Sebera”. Oh boy. Let the chaos begin, right?

So, Joshua Egbuson (also known as Josh.e) is a Rwanda based Nigerian Rapper, he just appeared in the online hip hop community in December of 2010 and a few weeks later released this album (his debut). Then he started talking about going to South Africa and disappeared. I hope he’s okay. Also, isn’t that just the way nowadays with rappers and Dave Chappelle?

Well, not much else to say so let’s dig in…

1. (Intro) Hang Loose
Instantly I see that Josh.e is better at production than most of his peers. The vocal production is very close to being right. How did that happen? I’m already impressed. Good Mood! Okay! Well, even with decent production Josh’s vocals are a little too sleepy and laid back for my taste, but they actually sound okay for this slow beat. What is going on here? Things are actually okay? I can review this like a regular album? Great, here we go…

So, right off: breath control is an issue with Josh.e to the point that it’s distracting. Also, Josh could use a little more vocal force in his rhymes. He sounds like he reading them while reclined in his easy chair (do they have those in Rawanda or Nigeria or whatever?). Also, the production breaks down significantly around the chorus. "Ya gotta keep ya tempo up and ya mic distance steady, son" - me. Also, the chorus isn’t bad.

I’ll just be straight; the lyrics are weak (and juvenile). Okay? Well, just look at this:

“It’s easy to find me, cuz, as for the guy with the nicest bars,
probably chillin’ on Mars,
you two days from ninth and tenth grade
Sittin on a shade, roll play…waitin’ for that day
For some superstar to pick me up
Lookin better than ever, call me Donald Duck”

Huh? Does Donald Duck look good? NEXT…

2. In The Moment
“Uuuuuuhhhhhhhh”-Master P (and the pain sound I made when I heard this track start). So this is a typical Rawandan poppy-teen rap song (I guess). Josh.e sounds all of twelve, and the beat sounds all of bad. WAIT!!! HOLY CRAP! HE ACTUALLY IS 12! HE SAYS IT IN THIS SONG! I GUESSED IT! I’M OFF TO BUY A LOTTERY TICKET, JACKHOLES!

So…what else? Oh yeah, the lyrics are awful. Maybe they’re good for a twelve year old or maybe not. Who knows (twelve year olds I guess)? I do know they are bad for me:

Sittin’ on my skyscraper writing math class papers


Caught you there, sorry. This ain’t no Toy Story
Seven-four-seven flight on my way to Flori…
Duh! You [roger dat*]?
Me comprendo. I live like a ‘G’ - Not a gringo

Moving on…Duh!

*Probably not actual lyrics

3.Fast Lane
Whoa there! This track really picks up the pace, yet somehow Josh still sounds lazy on the mic. He mentions that he is five-foot-three, and he says that it means something (but what exactly it means is incomprehensible). Okay. And here is the chorus:

Live the fast lane, every eye on me
Live the fast lane, more bread than a patisserie
Livin’ fast (in the lane)
Livin’ fast (in the lane)
Livin’ life (in the lane!)
Livin’ fast (fast lane)

Back to that smooth sound that Josh.e is known for, and you know, Josh’s twelve-year-old voice sounds kind of like Kidz Bop, so that’s not a good thing.

Well, this is a bit of a mystery. Josh’s horrible chorus is way overproduced while the production on his verses is very sloppy. What? Plus, it’s kind of hard to understand what he talking about as his words are unintelligible. He definitely mentions girls a lot (your girl in particular), flights to Peru, haters, getting paper, and “real ‘ish’” – you know, normal Coolin’ stuff.

5.Class Memories
“Yeah! Big dreams. That’s all I got to say. Class memories.” – Josh.e

Remember your school days? Sure you do. Lot’s of fun right? Fun and memories. Well, let’s let Josh lead us down memory lane (unless you’re currently in high school, then it’s more of currently lane?). This beat is unbearable, as is Josh’s singing. Even if you had the lyrics to this song printed out, there would still be no way that you could understand what you’re hearing.

Oh, and what memories does Josh.e call to mind: waking up early, breakfast, picture painting, Cinderella, midterm grades, doing poorly in a class, having a talk with your teacher, getting hit by your dad and getting a “blue nose”, Kill Bill, and especially big dreams. For real!

The song ends with some advice to “be on your way to stardom”: “Always follow your dreams and dream big. Hang loose…keep it fresh too, and keep it ‘G’.” Okay! I’m going to start that right now. New Year’s resolution.

6.Laid Back
Allright! A ‘Maybach Music’ beat (and it’s not bad and it’s kind of upbeat, so good "using someone else's beat" skills). But, this has a terrible chorus (laid back is rhymed with eight track). I mean awful, like lots of off-beat singing and repeating.  The lyrics aren’t much better either:

I’m superfly, as I said I’m super high
I’m flying in the sky like some kind of bird
Coming from the words…words of my mouth that I spit like errdoo*!
*Sounds like errdoo

A little Kanye West for the outro. That’s just a nice touch. Also, I could hear that on Kanye’s album, so not that nice of a touch. No touching!

8.Christmas Carol
Jingle Bells! We get a Christmas bonus track! I love Christmas! All the gifts and the cheer and whatever. Now, we’ve got a high tech beat, who cares (that applies to all these beats), and some lyrics…

Uh! Christmas here, I’m fin’da shoutin’ cheer
Get up on the dance floor there is no beer
Turned up, I’m fully geeked out
Can’t wait for New Year’s Eve
Happy people stand up (stand up!)
You know what it is. Get da boot.
We ‘bout to go ape like we bumpin’ in the zoo
Camo shorts on tryin to keep it coo’
Got a nice Christmas, think about it in the coupe
Pass the cups all around me like a three-six
[knock wood*] so fly like a G6
People say I’m mature for my age but
I’m just a [sewer town*] learnin’ different ways hey
No [sauce or a barrel*]
Josh.e givin’ you the Christmas Carol

*Probably not actual lyrics
So this Christmas Carol is about looking forward to New Years and other non-Christmas related things. Merry Christmas!

Well, this was a big waste of time. Seriously, we’re reviewing very bad mixtapes by twelve year olds. Worse, with all the other garbage we listen to here, this actually sounds kind of good. Is this the bottom? Can it get any worse? Seriously, this kid is decent at using his Macbook Pro to make his raps sound not awful over other people’s beats (he is a “Macbook Pro Flippa” after all, as he says). But he is a kid and his raps sound like a kid rapping. I can’t believe I’m writing this. Is that what you want to hear? A kid rapping? No. Of course not, nobody wants to hear that ever. You know what else? We judge the success of our blog based on how many “hits” we get, this post will bring in nothing. Honestly, nobody will read this. Zero hits. Well maybe Josh.e will spot his name in a search and come and read through this mess, but he’ll just get angry at our largely negative review. So what’s the point? What’s the point of anything? My good mood is officially gone.

Keep rapping Josh.e, at least you know someone is listening carefully.

Score 0/10

1 comment:

  1. hi, im joshua egbuson and now im 13 and im much better than i was acouple months ago (i know that sounds stupid)
    im dropping another mixtape this month titled Outdoor education
    ps. thanks for noticing me anyways