Wednesday, November 9, 2011

U-God's Resume #21: "Black Shampoo"

--Official Stats--
Artist: Wu-Tang Clan
Song: "Black Shampoo"
Album: Wu-Tang Forever
Release Date: June 3, 1997
"Just had to remind you I tried soft shyster NY ninjas laughed at me even when I Rhyme about lady's im still hard Black Shampoo lol" - U-God
That amazing quote aside (WTF?), I have dreaded reviewing this song since I came up with the idea of reviewing U's entire catalog. Why? I find this song absolutely of his worst (and I know U has some weird techno later in his catalog). I know I've made it through the entire track only a few times in my life, but it was always by accident. I've never listened to it all the way through intentionally. When this album came out I had a policy of listening to any album that I bought all the way through at least once, even if I didn't like a track. I did not make it through this song.

I don't understand how this happened. U-God finally gets a solo track, and he gets it positioned to basically close out "Forever" and he decides to go with this? Everyone decidied to go with this. Even Cappa should have been mad to be associated with this. Other members of the Clan had already had full length albums, but this was U's time to shine, and somehow he put this out. What in the hot hell happened, everyone involved??? I'm not going to completely blame U for this one: RZA's beat is one of his worst ever. Whoever decided to have the song start in a shower was another bad idea. The title is not appealing. Nothing is appealing. Let's just get this over with.

"Black Shampoo"

Uh....First of all I can't believe that this song is only four minutes feels like at least six. I gotta stress that this beat isn't helping anything. It's really bad. They'll never throw this on during a freestyle battle (maybe as a joke...or to handicap the better MC).

As for U-God, I'll publish the lyrics at the end of the review because nobody cares anyway, but I think U is best when he comes hard. This is not hard at all. It's not smooth either, it's almost like U is on the phone and he's trying to be seductive and also keep his voice down so that he doesn't bother the other diners at Applebee's. I mean it's a really weird flow. Then it's all sex lyrics, and we don't want to hear that (even the ladies don't want to hear that). Honestly, U may stick to the topic better than most of his verses, but it's a topic that nobody wants him to stick to. Hey, U-God I've seen photos of your rhyme books. You've got a lot of them and they look like they're are full of verses. How in the fuck did you end up with this as your first solo? You should have picked your best work dude.

Okay, so anything else? Oh, Method Man is at the end of the track. Why? It's like they knew that this song wasn't cutting the mustard so they put in their ringer. Well, that was dumb. Right after Meth comes in, at the very end of the track, there is the sound of a police radio chirping. I think it's actually the beginning of the next track, it sounds mad nice after enduring this. It's like a loaf of bread to a starving man. It's so short, but sounds rugged and gets the listener excited for what comes next (which is nothing). So, the police chirp is like a rainbow, a promise that the Wu will not decimate their albums again with trash of this nature.

In conclusion, U-God ends his time on "Forever" by leaving a terrible taste in your mouth, the taste of vomit inducing ipecac.

Don't forget the lyrics:

Hard days of work
You had a hard day at work baby
I want you to sit down, relax
While I soak you in my mentals
Back rub style, watch this, yo, yo
Massage, peppermint oil, shampoo and pears
Cinnamon, aloe, natural for you hair
So lather the soap, coconut conditioning
Honey lather, blood flowing, love glistening
Motion lotion, breeze, over the ocean
Lovers, bath crystals, lovers bun scrubbers
Hot milk bath, steam shower rubbing
These will splash long loving in your oven
Make it off, break it off, till it gets soft
Passion fruit, pussy cat, want to touch it off
In and out, rapers patients, Hershey's Kisses get a style
Stress reliever soak your feet, air them out
Brain message, think about pink
Stress relieving, no dishes in the sink
Upper lower, left, right, neck don't play
Back rub, count on, take me away
Waterfall beads, streams, plush and lavish
Come with me through all the damn madness
Night breeze at sea, sipping tea
You and your queen melodies, and trees, 85 degrees
Jet skis breeze
Scraping water on chocolate, butter scotch flowers
Vapor action, tropical sunshower
Baby powder, relax, feel for an hour
Sand suntan, snuggled up snug
Snowy days, fireplace, oriental rug
Thugs, lay on the couch, pull it out, perfect balance
Chemical stimuli, two tokes off the chalice
Complete silence, what surround us
Whats the finest, wrapped in cold sheets
Vanilla apple heat, loop played jazz music, coffee pillow sleeps
Breakfast in bed, early morning sun treats
Sunset level, surprise sunrises, hell
Lay on the couch, while I clip your toenails
Dreams of peaches and cream steam secret spells
Soft spoken gospel, Barry White acapell
Violin, good medicine, sound swell
Sunshine like, the right, without the hell
Taste sugar, wise storm steam stick
Slow dance drink, like nights over Egypt
Having, stabbing, calm chilling now we rolling
Company, ice cream licking now we holding
Gentle force, warm tingle of the golden
Open loose, ice cubes, kiss your belly
Alcohol, palm trees, peanut butter jelly
Almond twirl, fantastic melodies
Soon, taste these spoons
Wiping me with toon, fly wine, prize storm
Now it's high noon, raspberry spices
Cherry breath, drink from the mountain, sip the very best
Sounds of the shore, every winter is a war
Paradise life, recipe now pour
Musicness, model, gentle mental
Wash away your sorrow, fantasy Island
Put the message in the bottle
Carry you through, the threshold, do my duty
Happy ending, go to rest Sleeping Beauty
Yo, this is that body shop shit
Love love slam
Edible underwear, champagne, bubble bath
Have your snack on that ass that
Know what I mean?
Massaging these melodies
Put that gangsta shit on the shelf
Blow winds, blow, through your hair
Sea breeze sticks and shit
Right right

I didn't read them either. Bong Bong.

Track Score: 0/10
U-God’s Score: 0/10
Impact on Rep (+,-,=): Detrimental

Next Week: We are done with "Wu-Tang Forever"! So we'll be back at some point and we'll be right back on the Soundtrack grind with Diesel From the movie "Soul in the Hole". What's Up?

Coffee Pillow Sleeps
About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

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