Monday, November 28, 2011

U-Review: The Heat Rocks "Heat Rock"

We're going to change things up a little bit this time. We at the Tortoise General Blog (#salute) recognize that our readers are pretty smart (let's be honst though, this isn't Forbes, but at the same time it isn't that Perez Hilton nonsense either, so we're in the middle I guess). And being smart you can make up your own mind about music. So today we're going to present a track (and video) to you, and let you write your own evaluation (with a little help of course). Power to the people!

"But that defeats the whole purpose of this blog!" -You.

WE know, and we are willing to take that risk so that we don't have to review this ourselves.

1. Okay! So since this song and the rap group have the same name it better be:
   a. good
   b. great
   c. the best ever
   d. this is not looking good already

2. Intros to songs are the worst, but this one talks about aliens! That:
   a. reminds me of Outkast
   b. is a bad way to start a song, just get to the music, Heat Rockers
   c. is great because of the 'alien voices' and 'acting'
   d. It doesn't matter because it's too long for anyone to sit through (almost two minutes)

3. (True / False) I understand what he means when he says: "Yeah, aliens man. I've been having some crazy ass X-fy, C-fy-I, X-Y shit dreams and shit."

4. YO! That beat is...
   a. bonkerz
   b. really bad
   c. good
   d. "I didn't make it to the beat because I already switched over to a video of kittens smiling."
   e. bad
    f. just a normal beat

5. There is a guy dancing and posturing in a hoodie and alien mask! That's:
   a. dope
   b. wack
   c. weird
   d. San Fran something something

6. Whoever that is rapping uses the 'izzur' type slang:
   a. too much
   b. not too much
   c. retire that shizzure
   d. who cares itz b-a-n-a-n-a-n-a-n-a-n-a-s
   e. and it's just dumb

7. Okay boys, here's the chorus...

We the heat rocks / love it when the beat knock
High flys, we can take to the tree tops
Outer space shit / party on our space ship
With these aliens / and everybody wasted

and it's real...
   a. skillful
   b. wack
   c. not bad
   d. knocka
   e. San Fran something something

8. Well that song was suprisingly...
   a. dope
   b. wack
   c. good but the video is really bad
   d. cool
   e. better than some things, but not as good as some things

9.  End with a...
   a. Joke
   b. Story
   c. Lecture on real hip hop
   d. non-sequitur
   e. Potato 

Heat Rock Score (circle one):   0   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

(Here are the official Tortise General Answers 1c, 2b, False, 4c, 5d, 6e, 7c, 8c, 9a, Score: 8)

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