Wednesday, February 8, 2012

U-God's Resume #32, "Glide"

--Official Stats--
Artist: U-God
Song: 3. "Glide"
Producer: Inspectah Deck
Album: Golden Arms Redemption
Release Date: October 5, 1999

Fifteen years ago you might have said "Yo! This album is like three songs in and it already stinks! Vote U-God out of the Clan! Tribal Council.". You would have said that because you would have been watching Survivor on CBS every night and you wouldn't have even heard about a DVR or a CELL PHONE or CABLE TV. Looking back and listening to this album again today you might say the same thing except instead of saying "vote him off the Wu-Island" you'd say "the panel of three judges should eliminate him this week from the Clan". It's the same thing. Plus, today you have a DVR and a CELL PHONE! 2012, right? Okay.

"What was that all about?" - you.

I'll tell you. It's about this album sucking eggs...and that's one of the worst kinds of sucking (from what I understand). Does it mean you suck down the egg whole, or you break a tiny hole in the egg and suck out the contents? I DON'T KNOW AND NEITHER DO YOU. Speaking of not knowing, that is exactly what everyone involved with this album was doing in regard to its quality (that doesn't make sense). YO! I guess what I'm trying to say is this: how did this get made and how did it get made so bad? AND why did nobody pipe up and said "hey, Baby-U, let's do a take 2 and get this whole album right instead of what you have here."?

So...this song. Glide. The third song on the LP. I have very low expectations. First of all, it's over six minutes long. That's too long. Second, it's produced by Inspectah Deck, who produced the worst songs on Wu-Tang Forever, so, strike two (baseball). Finally, it features Letha Face (Lethaface?), and I'm like "Who?". STRIKE THREE AND I HAVEN'T EVEN HEARD THE SONG IN TWENTY YEARS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

So before I just go crazy with the mocking and the insulting let me explain myself. This guest appearance marks the first appearance by a second rate rhyme lacky on an official Wu Tang album (besides "The Swarm" which doesn't count becasue the album itself doesn't count). Let's check the history:

  • 1993: "Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)" - No appearances from outside the Clan
  • 1994: Method Man, "Tical" - Streetlife on Mr. Sandman
  • 1995: Ol' Dirty Bastard, "Return to the 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version"
    • Killah Priest on Don't U Know, Snakes and Protect Ya Neck II The Zo
    • Brooklyn Zu, Prodigal Sunn, and 60 Second Assassin on Protect Ya Neck II The Zoo
  • 1995: Raekwon, "Only Built 4 Cuban Linx..." - Nas on Verbal Intercourse which doesn't count because if Nas wants to rap on your track, you let him rap. He's like an elephant.
  • 1995: GZA, "Liquid Swords" - Killah Priest on 4th Chamber and B.I.B.L.E
  • 1996: Ghostface Killah, "Ironman" - No appearances from outside the Clan
  • 1997: Wu-Tang Forever - Streetlife on Deadly Melody
  • 1998: RZA, "Bobby Digital", NEVERMIND OKAY
Wow, I was definately way wrong about that one. I guess the first round of Wu albums were littered with guest spots, especially when you get to "Bobby Digital". So I take that criticisim back. I was wrong. I guess we're back to strike two. Even though I have no idea who Letha Face is and he sounds like he's going to be a bad rapper. We'll see I guess. Right Now!

3. "Glide"

Well, was it as bad as we expected? Sure it was, in fact it was worse. Why? The beat is pretty generic. It's not exactly bad, it's just not something I'd spin by choice. It's a little below average, which means that it isn't getting checked for. I don't know what the deal is with Deck and his bass lines, but they are very distictive and very bad. It's a lot of nothing. Just like the lyrics. Sure someone is rapping over the beat most of the time, but they aren't saying anything worth hearing or remembering. In fact, the song is so boring that I don't think I would have been able to catch a dope line if U shouted it directly into the mic. Plus, I think Letha Face (or Lethaface?) outrhymed U-God, which is just a shame. I mean, U-God's flow just got derailed a few times for no reason, and that sounds bad even in rugged rap.

I guess we should check the chorus:

Other emcees made a big mistake
Fronting on the mic that's truly great
What? how you want it fried or baked
I place in right through the heart of a snake
Sceam at mapps, take what we can take
Til the day we die, meet the pearly gates
Golden Arms going strong, I'm holding weight
Not bad but too long and not great.

All around bad lyrics. If you don't believe me you can read the lyrics for yourself (they're at the end of the post), but know that I'm sure they're full of errors becasue I just copied them from some other website. or some shit. I'm not going to proof them because they suck. OKAY?

So to summarize: I had low expectations and this shit was mad lackluster. Church.

Yo, Inspectah Deck track
break your back Yo

A message of a wreckage
50 shell hot track leaking out the Lexus
Eyes hot, Cyclops, cyborg boulders
Call shop of horrors, Lyric just smoking in my holster
Whip and boil, lugotan hurricane the holler
Daily operation, bullet train tingle farther
8 seconds a scar your style wild buccaneer
Round table revolve around ten musketeer
Think you, got all the riches
Think you poli with bitches
You could run the fuck opponent,
gotten with the glitches
The swiftness, hit the spots that are vital
Shake the ground decent, like 3 sticks of dyno

My administration deceive the population
Start the next generation by artificial insemination
Contaminate stations, for music in the making
Concentration camps, Assassinate
for industry domination
Abomination, The Competition and
confrontation you mistaken
I'm a nuclear warhead bomb evasion
Extermination of the next man,
when the German's blazing
We burn this for occasions,
regardless I see your expiration
Preparation your sweatin,
I cassette deck and eject your selection for air time
Blow a hole through your brain so you
can think with a clear mind
A redesign? of hard rhyme, and
slang cracking in spare time

Crime Time
We rollin with the undisputed, routin toutin
21 gun solutin, new recruiting
Wu-Tang, slang bang your unit
Put us in your cassette deck, yo, improvement
Smash and blast the shit, I'm doper than math
That makes you level through the devil
And never surpass
The stakes is hot, like bullet snatch pots
And hot twats
Fully operational gats mmhmm
The uncanny, vilagialaty panty man
Crock, took by the hook of the candy man
Look, now you caught up in the suction

Today's day, The bomb gets dropped on America
Human civilization in concert
treble concentration camps
Replacement amps blown, Speaker abduction
The Mad weed seduction corruption
From The brain cells decreasing
Its sucker duck season. fuck treason
Blast as you trespass, bullet enters
your mouth and exits your ass
Impregnate the math, then give birth to a newborn
Figure of speech drew form, with 8 arms
Napalms, collapses stages you perform on dominate
Drama face, abominate, sling crack
behind the black high gate
The nine fades the hearts of men
Slip the cartridge in
Off the hook like telemarketing
sales condone over the phone

Danger zone
Bozzy Capone alone, in a terradome Stalon
With a great cannon, bones cerebral swollen
Straight both ways scanning
All you roaches lay down I spray the brain damage
Bring the banners, the green gamma ray
Gain up the same data, Scatter
Then a dark part where D and you used to play all day
The ray sound stung you, You kung fu check the cleaner
From fire line I gun you for fun
Dial 9-1-1
Someone tore down the tunnel son
1-2 Check your fronts
Captain Crunch, munch on you for lunch
You punchbag drunk, bald headed monk
Top bunk, chunk your trunk full of junk
Buffer and bump stop humping me
Ruff a scum sucking muthafuckas,
Ducking my shit just luckily


Other emcees made a big mistake
Fronting on the mic that's truly great
What? how you want it fried or baked
I place in right through the heart of a snake
Sceam at mapps, take what we can take
Til the day we die, meet the pearly gates
Golden Arms going strong, I'm holding weight

Track Score: 0/10
U-God’s Score: 0/10
Impact on Rep (+,-,=): Harms

Next Week: U-God's solo, track 4: "Dat's Gangsta", and more of the same I'm sure from both U-God and myself.

About this series: U-God’s Resume is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

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