Wednesday, June 20, 2012

U-God's Resume #50, "Gravel Pit"

--Official Stats--
Artist: Wu-Tang Clan
Song: "Gravel Pit"
Producer: RZA
Album: The W
Release Date: November 21, 2000

You might say that all music is hit or miss. For me, Wu Tang tracks are generally hits, but this song is one of the biggest misses I can think of from the Clan. I hate it. I hate everything about it. I hate the beat. I hate the video, but I especially hate the chorus. This song was one reason I didn't spin this album as much as I might have. In fact, I've only listened to this track a few times since I hate it so much, so I don't even remember U-God being in this shit. I don't remember anyone on this track. Maybe Method Man?

Maybe this is better than I remember. Maybe I'll LOVE IT. Google +1? Google +10!!! Eh, I remember not liking the video at all...Fred Flintstone shit.

Let's see...

"Gravel Pit"

So this video ties directly in with the video from "Protect Ya Neck (The Jump Off)" - the crew starts out in the same time machine elevator, because that was such a fun concept apparently. Only this time instead of the crew trying to keep their eyes open as the RZA blabs about nonsense, the boys are wild! Wildly hitting elevator buttons, it's outta control. Let's transcript this bad boy:

Now I'm not sure who is talking for most of this video, so some of the transcript is just assumptions:

[Scene: Wu Tang Clan enters an elevator]

Cappadonna: "I'm saying, it's my birthday, take me to...
Masta Killa: [inturpting]: "Drop me off."
Ghostface Killah: "Drop me off too!"
Cappadonna [continuing]: "...the top of New York."
Raekwon [loudly]: "Drop us ALL off! ...Where we going, man? We all go together!"

[All argue angrily]

U-God: "Nah, nah, nah."
Ghostface: "I'm going home, man."
Raekwon: "YO! DROPPED OFF!"

[Method Man, impatiently presses an elevator button labeled "1814"]

Method Man: "If we going anyplace, we going to the day I was born."

[Everyone reaches for elevator buttons, "1776" is pressed.
All argue angrily, "2921" is pressed, "20000000 B.C." is finally pressed]

[All surprised]

Raekwon: "Yo! Yo! Yo!"
Method Man [holding back his team and looking at the display]: "OH! 2,000 B.C.!"
Raekwon: "Ya know what I'm saying!"

{Elevator Doors Close, end of scene}

So fun! All of our firends are at it again! Plus, won't Method Man be surprised when they skip past "2,000 B.C." and end up in "20,000,000 B.C."? Probably not, it's all pretty much the same before the 1970's I guess. So what happens next? The Wu Tang Logo carved in stone, of course:

Then a dinosaur busts through it.

So creative. Witty and Unpredictable! Next, the horrible trumpet beat starts with the RZA giving the "1, 2, 1, 2" count. He is sitting at a stone table, surrounded by ladies, and bags of money (with the dollar sign and everything). He's wearing just a normal caveman fur coat.

He invites us to "report to the pit...the gravel pit" and to "leave your problems at home" okay, "leave your children at home" fine, safety is important. More money bags, cut diamonds, it's the jump off! I'll tell you right now, this is not a pit that I want to jump in to. Bags of money? What happened to the Wu? C.R.E.A.M. and whatnot. Bring the Pain and all that. This is nothing. This is saccharine.

NOW WE'RE IN 2,000,000 B.C.! I can see that this video cost a fortune, and mo money more problems getting dates straight, as this is the second time in a row the date is wrong.

Then, BOOM! The whole shit just takes off, and this is not the version from the album. As Method Man just flys right off with a verse. Uh, wait, I guess this is the way the album version starts, kind of, it just has an extra chorus crammed in there. So, Mr. Meth! How do you do?

Remember when Meth refused to rock Wu Wear?

Meth's lead off verse is okay. Is it me or does Meth almost sound like a cartoon of himself, with his silly little quips and common phrases? Plus, I don't know if he does it on this song, but Meth is like the only MC who bites himself. I mean he'll reuse little fragments of rhymes again and again, and it's weird, but he's allowed because he's dope. It's just distracting...but not as distracting as this beat, what the hell is this beat? Are those bells? And why is the shit so fast. SLOW IT DOWN WU TANG. YOU'RE RAPPERS NOT FAST RAPPERS. Seriously, call Twista if you like fast shit. On Tical, Method Man brought the sleepy time flow, now he's scrambling over this crap? WWW.THE.FFF.COM?

Anyway, nice verse. Moving on we have....wait a minute! Did U-God sneak in there? HE DID! And it was FIRE! One line of introduction, uh, fire.

U-God: "I'm the kid with the Golden Arms."

Method Man: "And I'm the Mother Fucking Hot Nikks." + a dinosaur!

Is that it for U-God? That's not much! Method Man's long verse ends with a shout to ODB, who was in jail in real life, and in the video as well!

Then we move on to the chorus, the worst part of the The Wu-Tang Clan for the year 2000. It's sung by "Crystal Diamonds", and lol to that name. She sings it fine, but it's so stupid that it hurts:

"Check out my Gravel Pit / A mystery unraveling
Wu Tang is the CD that I travel with,
Don't go against the grain if you can't handle it..."

Cough, cough, ach...ACH! Plus, Method Man is saying "back and forth" over the top. Quiet down. Calm down. You're making things worse.

Next up is everybody's favorite: FRANK STONEY! Better known as Ghostface. Love the caveman names. So retro (B.C. retro). I've really had it with "themes". Every theme is terrible. Just be normal. Right off, Ghost is much better on a fast wack beat than anyone else. He's just that good, spitting ill as he gambles at the Flintstone's casino. Complete with stone slots and caveman cards. Neat. But Ghost's verse starts stealing the show as he falls into a machine gun flow and rapid spits this shit to death.

Nobody's topping this one, kids. We have a winner.

Once Ghost is done, the song stops dead in its tracks to vomit up a trumpet interlude that nobody wants to hear. This time Raekwon takes over the job of talking randomly during the break...

Now, when I say that the track stops dead. I mean literally dead. Done. No more song. RZA even throws is a goofy sound effect to make sure you know that this break sucks. It does.

Next up: U-GOD! The man of the hour. The subject of our inspection. And he's closing out the song.

 So how does he do? NFL STYLE: "IT'S GOOOOOD!!!!". Golden Arms brings the heat for the fast beat. But I have to mention the video. Remember back to U's video for "Bizarre"? Sure you do. At one point he takes a second to punch the shit out of woman's face as she is being held in a submission hold. Ka-Plow, to that woman - WU STYLEZ. Well, in this video, U-God takes a wooden cave man club, pounds a woman over the head with it, and then has a smile. Sure, it's played for laughs (with the "BOING!" sound effect and the cartoon birds), but still, what's going on with that? Then he drags her around by the hair, until he he's pulled so hard that it rips out of her scalp. LOL?

So the song ends with a long out, with an expanded awful chorus. In the video giant dinosaur birds circle as a woman is tied bewteen two poles. Haha, U-God, you've done it again! Will she be eaten before she is further robbed of her dignity? #NasDaughters. We'll never know (but I think she does get eaten off camera). So Wu.

Let's see what else. RZA is flipping the bird AGAIN! So cool. Method Man is strutting around with the club on the front of his pants, so locker room. There is lots of dancing. Ghost bites an apple with a loud crunch. Dinosaurs are everywhere making sounds. The music fades, now we get a caveman kung fu battle, because why not?

It's Bo Rockhard vs, uh, the Wu? I guess? Rocks are thrown, jumps are made. You know the drill. Sword fighting. Weapons of all types are employed. Balls are racked. Bo Rockhard faces off against the RZA? RZA is saying things, punching sounds, flying aroud. RZA kind of yells "Wu Tang Worldwide" as he shoots an arrow everyone flys back and then he gets eaten by a dinosaur. Of course. Perfect end for a perfect video. No flaws here. Rewind and watch again if you want to, I don't care. I'm going out for breakfast. Denny's! Yum. Maybe I'll invite my brother? Why not?

IN CONCLUSION: This video is just stupid. Too much money was spent. What happened to just going around in a bus and looking fucked up? Huh? This time they went too far. As for the song, it seems like RZA is always putting U-God in line ups right next to Meth and Ghost. That's a tough spot for anyone, but this time U Holds his own. Kills it. Ghost still wins it easily, but Meth and U tie for second (or worst, but let's not mention that).

Track Score: 0/10
U-God’s Score: 0/10
Impact on Rep (+,-,=): Detrimental

Yo, step to my groove, move like this
When we shoot the gift of course it's ruthless
Grab the mic with no excuses
In a sec, grab the techs and loot this
Executin, shakin all sets, and I'm breakin all hecks
I'm takin all bets, move all best, who want the dram' next
You all stank, we got the bigger bank
Bigger shank to fill your tank
Still the same kill you for real, while you crank
Slide, do or die, fry to bake
Admire the greats, on fire wit a heart of hate
Bitter shark, every part I take, heavy darts that quake
It's okay, all fakes, get caught by the dropkicks
You know the thrill, yes it's Park Hill
Yo we hit 'em with the hot grits...
On the go, check the flow, sayin Wu don't rock shit...
Stop quick, hold the gossip, stop sweatin my pockets
I hear the hot shit

Next Week: U-God has a song called "Clap", I guess it's on "The W" as well. Too bad.

About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

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