Get Stupid: "No Church in the Wild" Jay-Z and Kanye West

So predictable subversive .

Hi! Do you love religion? No? Yes? Same with us, I guess. It depends on what you answered. Today we're going to put our toe in the lake of religion and not make anyone mad at all! So fun. Religion! High-five.

Recently I was watching the hit film "Safe House" and it was kind of bad but it was still Denzel Washington! So not that bad. But still, it also had Ryan Renolds, and this movie was more Ryan Renolds than Denzel Washington. So, that's my review of Safe House. Anyway, over the end credits they decided to play the hit song "No Church in the Wild" by Kayne West and Jay-Z. Everyone's favorite? Frank Ocean - America's favorite singer, 2012! He's in it! It had a lot of buzz when that Throne junk came out and we all rushed to Target to get our copy right away.

Since then, I've listened to this song about six times and every time I think:

"This is a normal song but not that good!" 

I've probably heard the song so few times because I don't really like it. In fact, except for that RZA track, I DON'T LIKE WATCH THE TRONE OR JAY-Z OR KANYE. For me, Jay-Z AND Kanye West both fall into the "PASS" category because they're out-of-touch millionaires that make music that sounds like it's custom made for people to buy...and they rap about shit I don't relate to. Millionaire shit. "Oh hez #hatin'"-you on Twitter. I'm not hating, I'm just not enjoying the music because if I want to hear people boast about their possessions I can check out my teenage son's X-Box game collection.

Everyman West

What were we talking about again? Oh, the song. The beat is kind of cool and also kind of boring, and the rapping is kind of normal, Jay-Z is kind of trying to be a college professor, and Kanye is just talkin' bout the ladies (as usual). No Dice and also, no big deal. I never listened to this shit because there is a lot of better music out there. But apparently you liked it and so did everyone else.

Now, I want to get to that chorus. Here it is:

"Human beings in a mob
What’s a mob to a king?
What’s a king to a god?
What’s a god to a non-believer?
Who don’t believe in anything?"

So let's answer those questions:

1. What's a mob to a king? WHO CARES
2. What's a king to a god? Just another person.
3. What's a god to a non-believer?

This is the stupidest fucking question ever. You tryin' to be smart, Watch the Throne? Eat a dump. What's a god to someone who does not believe in anything? I'm not trying to be a theist or an atheist here (we have both on the Tort Team), but you answered your own question, dumbass. Let me just change up the question a little bit: What's a car to to someone who does not believe in anything? Answer: it's a car that someone doesn't believe in, but it's still a car - it's existence is assumed in the question, you said it. What's a king to a non-believer? What's a mob to a non-believer? Still a king. Still a mob. It's the dim way you're phrasing the question, stupid.

Q: What's a god to a non-believer?

A: A god that is not believed in by one guy, but still a god. DUH.



Joke about BUTLERS, or joke about PANTS?


The way that question is asked ruins the point. I GET IT: in the wild, something about nothing to fall back on, something, something, religion is archaic. Who cares? A god to a non-believer might not be important, but still, you're saying "what is a thing that exists to a person who doesn't think that thing exists?".  So dumb. Let's do it AGAIN "What is a Leprechaun to someone who doesn't believe?". See? A LEPRECHAUN. Actually, let's flip that question around: what's a non-believer to a god? An idiot.

IN CONCLUSION: Jay-Z and Kanye West trying to get all religious or anti-religious or whatever.  They're getting "deep" and it turns out to be stupid. Boys, you're in over your head. And that video? Dudes. Were you even in the video? I guess the logical thing to do at this point is try to phrase the question correctly, but I'm not that smart. I can smell bullshit pretty easliy, but I can't write a fucking well phrased question. Get bent you goof ass nerds.

No Church in the Wild Score 2/10
Phrasing of the Chorus Score 0/10


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