Thursday, November 8, 2012

Yo! Check out my Cover: Ronnie Block "Swag Talk"

YO! I thought we would take a break from the election and the politics for a second a see what's really going on out on these streets. So I decided to review a mixtape cover without listening to the music. Then we can just guess what the music is like! Today we're checking out Ronnie Block's "Swag Talk", this will be so fun!

--Official Stats--
Artist: Ronnie Block
Title: "Swag Talk"
Uploaded: June 11, 2009
Spins: 750

Right away, I bet you and me noticed the same thing first (because you're very smart): THE SMART PHONE. That looks perfectly normal! The hand is a normal size compared to the body, the phone is a normal size comapred to the hand. The screen is normal. All natural.

Let me ask you this, Ronnie: why is that image on your phone? Is it an app? Is it your wallpaper? Is it a text message from DJ Tank? "Ronnie, we need to talk...swag talk." I don't know, it's a weird thing to just have on your phone.

It's VERY Common
Speaking of phones, what's up with the payphone? I haven't even seen a pay phone in years. Plus, why are you using a payphone when you have a smart phone? Also, TracFone, son, they exist. Use them.

Is that a bag of money and gold coins in there? That looks like pirate booty! Is Ronnie some kind of swashbuckler? Who in the hell uses gold coins? Did he leave them in the pay phone so that he can make long distance calls? Call collect.

Moving on to the non-phone portions of the cover. I see that you're moving a wheelbarrow full of drugs into a trailer right downtown. I would call this a rookie move. Put a cover on that shit idiot.

What if there is a gust of wind? What if accidentally tips that shit over? It's in plain view, what if ANYONE sees this? Holy crap, I have so many questions:

1. Where is he going to put that? In the truck? THE TRUCK IS FULL OF TRASH!
2. Where did he get that? The "Lambo"? IT DOESN'T HAVE MUCH CARGO ROOM!
3. Where did you find that guy? How can you trust him? He might see all the pirate booty laying around and just take a gold coin or two. To keep them safe push the coins down into the ground, make a map, and come back later. Treasure Map Shit.
4. Why isn't Ronnie watching that guy? He's seems like he's a good worker and all, but Ronnie is just fucking around on his celly. Ronnie Block is a bad people manager.
5. Is he just going to dump that load? Or is he going to bag it? ANSWER ME!

Now let's talk about all the shit piled up at the bottom of the cover.

Trash bags. Piles of powder. A gun. "Bricks". Cash. GOOD GRIEF! RONNIE WHY IS THIS SHIT OUTSIDE? It could rain. It sure as hell won't fit in the Lambo, and the tuck is full as shit.

With all that, I don't even need to mention the stack of suitcases, do I? WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO PUT THOSE, GUYS? Once again, the Lambo is too small and the truck is full. Think, guys. Use your melons. 

Look, I have to take charge here. I can't just let this go. Ronnie, get off your fucking phone and clean up this fucking mess. Get the cash in shoe boxes, put the gold coins in a safe place and ditch the bag with the dollar sign. Drive that fucking lambo into the river and get a car that doesn't draw attention to you. How about a Buick? Wheelbarrow guy: bag all this shit up and take a stack of cash to keep quiet. From now on all business will be done inside and on TracFones, ditch your Droid, stupid.

IN CONCLUSION: Don't hire Ronnie Block the rookie to manage your job site, he's an idiot. I hope his raps are good, because his future in business is bleak (nothing to do with Memphis Bleek).


Buy it and lay low, stupid.

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