Monday, February 18, 2013

Training Day on Backseat Freestyle Rookies

In tha Matrix 2013. Today we're going after rookies. Like some kind of veteran cop or something who is assigned a rookie and then has to teach them how it really is. Like Denzel Washington in Training Day.

Yep. You a long way from Starbucks homie. We're all a long way from Starbucks today, feel me? We're gooing to see what kind of amateurs are trying to spit over Kendrick Lamar's "Backseat Freestyle" beat, which is one of the best beats. A beat just for big dogs, you feel me?  So here is the original:

Produced by Hit-Boy. The guy who is making a ton of big name shit right now like The Throne's song about visiting Paris, and Kanye's song about his clique. But the real star of the show is Kendrick Lamar (duh). So without anymore delay...

BRING IN THE ROOKIES. Sick 'em dogs.

Now safety is first, you give us shit boom, we give you lead. Let's do this right so we can all go home and do the wife or the girlfriend thing...

First we have Killa Beat - Backseat Freestyle aka Matt Schaffner, who is very associated with the Wu-Tang Clan? He's the lost twentieth member.

Sad. Very few skills. Is identifing a dope beat a skill? Remember how Kendrick started off this song cuttin' heads? This guy's jump off sounds like his mouth is stuck in a vacuum. "Blung, my music blurg overpowerin, shallowin blarg"

Kenderick also has a nice transition from the verse to the hook that starts with "damn I got bitches", it works perfectly in the original since the beat is so basic and it's somewhat melodic. Also, nobody else can do that. Matt tries and fails miserably:

"Damn he got skills, damn he stock bills, stock not stack bills, but damn he got bills"

Say what? So lame. Then he says "smoke does not kill, cuz I got gills".

Goodness me. What a mess.

Shit, then he says that he is "realer than Wikipedia" which is known for being not being real. It's like saying he "smells better than sewer" or he "reads better than infant". Sure, Matt, your a little better than the worst. I'll give you that.

It goes on and on. Hey, Matt, let's chat. How's seventh grade going? Tough, right? Stupid history class and PE? #ditchday2013. Halo 4. Buckwild. Teen mom.  I know the lingo. We know that money is an issue. If you were really "stocking" money wouldn't your vocal production sound better? Cuz right now it sounds like you put this together on your Wii. Selena Gomez. Your mother and I noticed that you talk a lot about drugs. We think you need to lay off the drugs and focus, I think your music would benefit from your sobriety. Whatever you're using is screwing up your mind and making you say really stupid things. We still love you though. Oh and stop affiliating yourself with the Wu, it's pathetic. Actually, give up on rap and focus on some other dream that doesn't offend people. You like Lego still right? Or maybe something with Lady Gaga! You love her. Whatever. Follow your (non-rap) dream!


After that garbage, I don't know if I can handle another rookie track. How about Backseat Freestyle ft. DaveyB, Danny Base, and DollyDaDawg (MUSIC VIDEO)?

I like it. Dancing. A dog rapping! I love it! The perfect video. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from the rookies after all.  #SALUTE.

IN CONCLUSION: Rememeber how at the end of Training Day the veteran cop climbed a crane on the top of a building while the rookie commandeered a Harrier Jet? And the the rookie was like "the problem with veterans? They're really inconsiderate when it comes to people's schedules." Then he kills the veteran Denzel Washington with a missle or something? The End. End spoiler alert.

At first I thought we would teach some new jacks a lesson just like in that movie, and Killa Beat (or whatever that shit is) needs a lesson because he's so fake. Then Davey and Danny and the dog come around and make my day. Guys, Kendrick would be proud. Also, I don't remember the movie Training Day very well I think.

Killa Beat Score 0/10
DaveyB, Danny Base, and DollyDaDawg Score 10/10

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