Thursday, March 7, 2013

Macklemore vs. Chief Keef




I'm the shit! At least that's what my neck say.
Least that's what my blog say.

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Stick 'em up. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.

I know it's spelled "clique", but Hahah. LULZ! Wacky Wednesday. Speaking of click, let's do a RAP BATTLE today, but let's make it tremendously unfair just for fun:

CHIEF KEEF a/k/a Mr. Violent 

vs.

Macklemore a/k/a the worst rapper out of the worst state

Now, let me start out by saying that both of these rappers are pretty bad. Mr. Keef is generally a bad person and his music lacks substance #300 (that's the percent that I don't like Keef, 300%). Macklemore is a jackass who makes stupid music that sucks #npr. 

So let's meet our competitors:

haha posertown


Name: Macklemore
Alias: Professor Macklemore (lol)
Representing: Peattle, Washington
Prediction: Instant Death
The Rich preteen's choice


Say Cheese
Name: Cheif Keef
Alias: Sosa?
Representing: Chicago
Prediction: Easy Win

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So here we go. Let's start with the victim, Macklemore, who is soon to be murdered by Chicago's "finest". And since I hate him and don't know any of his songs we'll just pick one at random...



A hahahahah! A lousy sentimental song about a city that everyone thinks is a cesspool of meth addicts and (now) bad rappers.

#1 This is a love letter to bad rappers. A LOVE letter, son.

#2 It's so bad that it must be intentional

The beat is so fucking generic. Saccharine beats 101. Plus Macklemore's delivery is subtle and halted, like he's saying something important. Yearning. Yo, son, you're talking bullshit. Maaaaad bullshit. So wack. Your "mountain" is a shit pile and so are the "historic" Washington rappers you cherish (except for Sir Mix-a- Lot). 

"Hi. Let's pull people's heartstrings with a song about Seattle" - Macklemore.
"But nobody's ever heard of anyone you're rapping about"- his doofus sidekick


"EVERY TIME SOMEBODY STEPS OUT ON THE ROAD
THEY BRING A LITTLE NORTHWEST SOUL WITH THEM AMEN"

What a good rap line? I wish that Washington people would just stay in their awful state. Keep your soul and your lame lines in your area, amen. #peeattle.


"THEY'RE TRYING TO SHUT DOWN THE CLUBS THAT MY CITY ROCKS
NOW MR. MAYOR, WHY WOULD YOU ENFORCE AN ORDINANCE?
MUSIC IT SAVES LIVES, THESE KIDS OUT HERE ARE SUPPORTING IT"

Good goof. How is this rap? It's a mouth full of clam bait, I reckon.

The mayor is supporting the ordinance because he's trying to prevent the youth of Seattle from being exposed to trash music. He wants to save them. Also, fuck you for using the word "ordinance" in a rap, you entitled sewer rat poser. Did you scoop that $20 word out of the golden chalice with the silver spoon which you were born with? YES.

WE'VE LEARNED THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNITY

WTF kind of weak ass slap rapper says shit like this? I'm baffled by this garbage. BAFFLED! I mean, I understand that this music is aimed at the upper crust, but holy shit, nobody says shit like that unless they come from privilege and they want other people to write them campaign contribution checks. Hey, Macklemore, you stupid fuck, are you running for office? Mayor of your horrible city? You'll suck at that job too. Walk around looking like a doof noob talking about how you care about the kids. I hope you get that job and then that stupid volcano finishes what it started and cleanses the land. Yes, I want it to erupt and then a lava pool flows 200 miles and takes care of your nightmare city. Wipe that shit off the map. Speaking of volcanoes, having a few in your state would normally be something cool, but just like everything else out of the Pacific Northwest, your volcanoes are weak. Weakattle. 

And fuck, the video (once again) is full of a variety of people rapping the lines, just to show how diverse Mackelmore is. Dumb shit. 

A sappy video, and a sappy song, both filled to the teeth with cliches, just like how Macklemore is filled with wackness (to the teeth). This song is an insult to hip hop, music, and people in general, just like Macklemore. Folks, all Chief Keef has to do is show up to beat this guy.

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Let's see how Mr. Keef represents his town...



Oh my. We were right about that: KEEF WINS. It's funny because this song sucks too, but it's way better than that Washington shit. The beat is silly. It's so typical. If Macklemore came syrupy, Keef comes boring.

O B for Life? Why not. At least Mr. Keef is trying. Can you say that Macklemore? No. Macklemore is proud of Sewerattle, Keef is proud of O'Block (whatever the hell that is). Both love their hometown, so what's the difference. Keef brings the noise and threatens everyone, Craplemore talks about respect and love.

Craplemore:

Memory Lane, Grandma's favorite street. Also: ACTING.

Chief Keef:

Not sappy.

Honestly, how could anyone prefer Mackrelmore over Keef on this one? Keef, who should never really win anything, is the clear winner. Any thinking man would make that call. Let's break it down, Keefs win is:

Objectively correct
Subjectively correct
Morally correct
Logically correctly
Scientifically accurate
Righteous
Sensable

And most importantly HONEST, something that macklemort has never been.

In Conclusion: Fuck Macklemore and fuck Washington 4 life. Audio of a toilet flushing would have won this battle.

MACKLEMORE MY TOWN SCORE 0/10 (I wish I could go lower than 0)
CHIEF KEEF O'BLOCK 4 LIFE SCORE 1/10

4 comments:

  1. fuk you dont know shit about seattle

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  2. The Heist is the shit. Review it and you'll see how good Macklemore is then maybe you won't wright dumb shit like this.

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  3. He fucking sucks ass in every way. But why attack Seattle you stupid dickface? The northwest in a Great part of the U.S. You are clearly a dumb monkey. Go back to what you do best, hating and talking shit. I thought your genre swore by not being a hater????? Too late, you are a jealous hater.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The best thing about the ice caps melting is that maybe the rising sea level will destroy Seattle. Fingers crossed.

    I will always hate trash rap and bullshit cities.

    ReplyDelete