Pharrell Williams Forced to Quit Exploiting Alcoholic Ladies



Nice Perfume Bottle, Poser

Hi! All of a sudden we're picking on Pharrell Williams all the time. Let me assure you, it's not because his silly band of poser "nonconformists" blocked me on Twitter for calling him out on his brand's constant fake shit. It's because he's wack, and in the news, and irritating me right now even though he is an innovative okay popular producer.



So here is the news in a nutshell: Pharrell Williams tried to get richer by contracting a company to produce, market and distribute his "Q Qream" booze (so all he did was approve a flavor and lend them his brand). Things didn't work out and now he is suing them for $5 million. This is all normal stuff and typical business happenings. Business never personal, etc.. Who of us hasn't sued for millions? Let he who is without lawsuits throw the first subponea.

So why am I reporting this? Pharrell positions himself as a staunch individualist. He has a brand and a message, which I don't really get (because it's all feel-good hogwash designed to make people who aren't especially unique feel special). It's something like "if you just be yourself you'll blow everyone's minds, and get the money, but haters are going to hate so FUCK THEM!" Something like that.

There is a huge issue with these assholes at iamOTHER that nobody seems to call out: they encourage being different and being yourself, but at the same time they demand a very strict conformity. You have to "fit in" with this crowd of nobodys. Don't believe me?

-I guarantee that iamOTHER would not encourage 2012 Vice Presidential Candidate Paul Ryan to be himself because he would just be a total hater as himself and he would screw everything up.

It's all labels, man. But instead of any specific label they use "other" which is still a label. It's something like rejecting broad labels and replacing them with vague labels. I'm not a science-nerd, I'm into science and it's my major, but I like a lot of things and I'm independent and for the people.

That and a lot of wikiquotes (and hypocrisy).

Wow. I've written like a million words and I haven't even got to the purpose of this post. Pharrell Williams is a brand manager and if you think you're making a statement by drinking his shit liquor, you're an idiot.

So I'll post the article (from allhiphop.com) in it's entirety at the end, but here are some choice quotes:

The lawsuit claims that Diageo failed to produce and distribute his “Q Qream” alcoholic beverage, which was supposed to be a high-end drink marketed towards women..Pharrell Williams claims that sales of his Q Qream liquor were “substantially lower” because it was marketed as a “club drink” and not the “high-end, leisure class” drink that he envisioned Q Qream to be...The lawsuit also claims that Diageo manufactured bottles of Q Qream that had faulty tops, impacting bartenders and consumers willingness to use the product.

Marketing and branding. The lawsuit identifies the plaintiff as fucking "Pharrell Williams Licensing, LLC and Pharrell Williams". That's your lone-wolf leader in going against the system. My friends, this guy is the system, and he's playing you like one of his billion dollar drum machines.

From Elissa Stolman at CMJ:
“Qream was created for contemporary women who work hard and want to relax with friends at the end of the day,” Pharrell told AllHipHop.com. “Women make up half the population and Qream is about celebrating that power.”

He made this shit to get money you fools. He targeted ladies. He made the bottle look feminine (and stupid) to get ladies money. He gave the drink a smooth name to appeal to the ladies. He made his advertisements attractive to ladies. Why? Because iamOTHER? NO. Because iwant$$$$. That's why he does everything.

Plus the bottles are leaky and expensive? Pour me another Qream. 




HAHA! Anyway, I hope you win the lawsuit Pharrell. I hope the company you are suing goes out of business and all those people lose their jobs. Then I hope you take the $5 million and lose it trying to cater to preteens. Then I hope you lose your job as a corporate fat cat and you focus on making music.

IN CONCLUSION: Pharrell Williams is the worst. Burn your Wall Street mansion! Quit exploiting the people. Check this out (I took some quotes from here as well).

Qream Score 0/10

Pure Class

(AllHipHop News) Pharrell Williams has filed a lawsuit against Diageo North America, over a deal to market and distribute the superstar rapper/producers brand of liquor.
Pharrell Williams PW Licensing LLC filed the lawsuit against Diageo North America last week, in Manhattan federal court.
The lawsuit claims that Diageo failed to produce and distribute his “Q Qream” alcoholic beverage, which was supposed to be a high-end drink marketed towards women.
The lawsuit claims that in July 2012, Diageo informed Williams that they would be shutting down the Q Qream business, without warning, after two years of building the brand.
“PW turned away other concrete opportunities to collaborate with other alcoholic beverage distributors on a partnership, in favor of proceeding with Diageo,” the lawsuit reads.
Pharrell Williams claims that sales of his Q Qream liquor were “substantially lower” because it was marketed as a “club drink” and not the “high-end, leisure class” drink that he envisioned Q Qream to be.
The lawsuit also claims that Diageo manufactured bottles of Q Qream that had faulty tops, impacting bartenders and consumers willingness to use the product.
Pharrell Williams seeks $5 million in damages.

Video Review: Bone Thugs-N-Harmony "1st of tha Month"

Heey! Today mas I think it’s a wonderful daaaaaay! We're going to review the world famous music video for Bone Thugs-n-Harmony's  classic song 1st of tha Month. Cleveland! Ohio! We've already checked out the lyrics to this song too many times, and we honestly have no idea what anyone is saying. So today we'll see if we can get a clue by watching the hit music video. FUSE.

Before we should begin I guess we should put the obvious foot forward and guess what this video will be about (I have seen it a million times, but not in the last decade, so I can't really remember it at all). So I think we all know that welfare checks are paid on the first of the month (well, we might not ALL know that...some people are rich). So this video will probably be about spending the little bit of get-by money on big things (and narcotics)!


One other thing, I don't think that I've actually reviewed this song yet (even though we have two posts already on it). So.......It's a good song! I mean, it's not the best, and it's not even Bone's best. It has an unusual sound and very high quality production. So good job there (I guess). Otherwise I would call this one of Bone's most popular songs that is pretty good. Done in the sun. Except that I would like to make a point on the content. Compare this song, about getting a little tiny bit of money for food, to modern rap songs, like Make it Rain by Fat Joe (not that modern). I am a fan of Joe, but I absolutely cannot relate to Make it Rain. I don't have money! Not only that, if most people found a few bucks laying on the ground they'd be pretty happy. Nobody throws it on the ground. Fucking rich people throwing money on the impoverished crowd is insulting and WAY OUT OF TOUCH. Listen, if I were standing there and some fat cat rich asshole threw a few twenties on the ground for me to pick up, I would (hopefully) break his tennis racket over his head and then shove that cash in his fat mouth along with whatever litter was nearby. On the other hand I CAN RELATE to the Bone song. I live check to check and payday is the best!


Fine. Done. Let's get on with this review. Cash ya checks and come on!



Let us review...


Sunrise. Right off the bat: LOL! Why in the hell are all the BONE boys sleeping in their thrones at church? Why are they around a crystal ball, and why is the crystal ball showing the sunrise outside AND old Eazy-E videos? I mean, if I had a crystal ball, I imagine that at some point I would watch music videos on it and fall asleep. But probably not while hanging out with all of my friends. So weird. Plus, the crystal ball has an alarm clock! Just like my smart phone! Cool.


So now that everyone is up, the Apple iCrystal iBall starts showing them videos of some other people. Uh-oh. That probably means they're going to die! A homeless guy. A little kid. Time's up bozos, for the Thugs of Boneingham hath forseen it! The boys watch intently. But it's not enough for Wish, he picks up a much smaller Crystal Ball (nano?) and watches the music video for First of tha Month! Just like what we're trying to do. That makes perfect sense.

So, now that everyone is on the same page (us and Bone), let us review...



Fun. Like a roller coaster?

Okay! Bone is driving through the neighborhood and someone gets the bright idea to rap on the hood. DEATH RACE! Only super slow. So slow, that I'm wondering if the driver should be pulled over for DUI. Probably.

Meanwhile back at the church (where the boys sleep in their thrones) we have the same guy rapping while the other guys are dancing ghosts. Are they dead? Maybe! That might help to explain the crystal ball stuff. Well this verse plays out switching between rapping in the church and rapping on the car. Easy enough. Eazy E enough. The background changes oddly sometimes, making me wonder if they're really driving...

They look scared.

We have a third location pop in: a family cook out. YUM! Actually, more like a block party! So fun.

Well, these themes continue for the rest of the verse. Block party, church, car hood, repeat.

The next verse starts and the boys are back in the church, only now they're watching the block party on the crystal ball. I would say that the boys feel left out, except that they are also at the block party. Maybe they're watching a home video. OR, DUH, THEY'RE WATCHING THEIR OWN MUSIC VIDEO! How did I forget that? 

Suddenly the image in the crystal ball changes to someone reading a newspaper. What's this? What is that guy reading?

He's not reading! He's watching a video in the paper next to a headline that reads "Abraham Hundreds Participate in 7th Graffiti Cleanup". Interesting news story, I'd say, except the guy looks pretty grumpy about it. Did he make the graffiti? I love graffiti! Leave it alone. It's how gangs mark their turf - they need it!


NOW WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON? We get a close up of the newspaper and we can clearly see that the graffiti headline was glued in there. The real headline says :"Redefining U.S. Foreign Policy ... Focusing on the Pacific Rim". That's not relevant news. PLUS, the video is showing a  line for check cashing. That has nothing to do with the Pacific Rim, and probably very little to do with graffiti. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SHOW IN THIS VIDEO BONE THUGS?

Things that make you go hmmm. I guess the dude is mad about the check cashing. That makes the most sense. Actually he doesn't look mad, maybe just disappointed. Fine. Another fat cat looking down on the poor. What else is new?


The next verse is similar to the previous one: church, car hood, block party, gazing into the crystal ball, repeat. I will say that the boys appear riveted by what they see in the ball, but from what I can tell, they're watching really boring shit. People sleeping, people reading the newspaper, people pushing shopping carts. Dudes, change it over to ESPN.


So the fat cat is back in the crystal ball, and he's still reading. BOORRINNGG. But now we see a new angle of the church, and I think Wish is playing a prank on everyone by putting his wig on a skelteon, he's going to give Layzie such a fright...

BEHIND YOU!

Ghost Hunters International. I like how laid back Wish's skeleton is. Str8 Loungin'. I could hang out with those bones. I guess that's why the rest of the team didn't have the corpse removed...it's just too chill. I get it. Plus it's like pure Bone.


So now we see that the fat cat newspaper reader is starting to sweat. What? Why? OH, he sees the homeless guy in a video on his desk (it's hard to explain).

Did he make that guy homeless? Definately. Is he feeling guilty about it? No way. Rich people hate poor people. Run and tell that. But wait, something major changes. The rich guy pulls a giant stack of money out of his jacket, and he starts dropping it on his desk. So of course it falls on the homeless guy who is so happy! No more homelessness! You're cured!

My heart has changed!

My luck has changed!

That's something. Is this some kind of social commentary? If the rich would only share the wealth the homeless would be happy? Or is this some kind of representation of what happens on the 1st of tha month, where people in need get money dropped in their lap by some unseen generous fat cat. Is the fat cat supposed to be god, or maybe the government? I wonder? No I don't. I don't care. This is stupid and rich people are the worst and they would never throw money at a poor person unless it meant that the poor person would be enterend into the Hunger Games or Running Man. You get the idea. Rich people hate you.


So the fat cat does his good deed and looks unsatisfied. Will he give more? Can he hear this Bone song?

NBC Presents: Wish on Wish

Ugh, is this almost over? No. Now the fat cat picks up a mini broom. Time to clean up? Yes. He sweeps the homeless guy (who he just helped) off the screen. That's weird.




Brush Brush Brush

Did the homeless guy get the money or not? I demand answers, but none come. There is a long stretch of Wish rapping and looking like he's having a great time. I wish I was there to have fun too! Wish Bone.


Now the crystal ball tunes back in to the little kid. And GOOD GRIEF, the fat cat is watching them too. Does anyone have any privacy anymore? So is the rich guy going to give them cash, and sweep them away too? Let's find out...

But wait! He's not watching them in a video, they're in his office or somthing, and he shuts the door on them and locks it. What? Maybe he's in their house. I don't know. Maybe it's all symbolic. Nobody will ever know since we never see them again.


Finally the fat cat comes accross Bone in the newspaper, it's a video of them around the ol' crystal ball.

What kind of horror will he bring down on our friends? Giant broom attack? Throw cash at them? I bet he closes the door on them too, I guarantee they are very noisy will all their harmonizing. It would be like living next to a barbershop quartet, only with five people in it. So if he closes the door, I think we'll all understand.

Old fat cat does the unexpected: he just throws away the newspaper. Done. But even with that Bone just keeps on rapping. In fact, they expand to a house party. Life gets better and better for the boys.

Who likes to rock the party?

And that's it. THE END.

IN CONCLUSION: What was any of that about? Maybe this video deserves a deeper analysis, maybe it deserves less. I don't know. I do know that the story part of this video made no sense. The rich guy gives money to the homless guy becasue he knows poverty is a problem, and the money brushes the problem away? He closes the door on famlies? He throws away BONE? Without the story portion of this video I think it would have been fine, but the story is hard to overlook. So is sleeping in church! SO IS THE CRYSTAL BALL. Nothing makes sense. Is the joke on me? Rapping on a blur car is pretty cool though. #respect.

1ST OF THA MONTH VIDEO SCORE 4/10