Thursday, June 9, 2011

Yo! Check Out My Cover: DJ Young JD & DJ Ruben Present: Cocaine Runners Vol. 1 (Hosted By Cartel MGM)

Yo! Check Out My Cover: DJ Young JD & DJ Ruben Present: Cocaine Runners Vol. 1 (Hosted By Cartel MGM)

This is either an image of a good day or a bad day, who knows?

--Official Stats--
Artists: DJ Young JD, DJ Ruben, Cartel MGM
Title: "Cocaine Runners Vol. 1 "
Uploaded to mixconnect: May 15, 2011
Listens: 180

If you were my father and you went to parent teacher conferences you might ask my teacher how I was doing, she would tell you that I don't do my homework.  This is important because it will be evident on this post as I don't even listen to the album, I just review the album cover!  I realize that you can do this very same thing in less time than it takes you to read this sentence, so go ahead a do it....see you later.

As for what I think, well, first of all I'm not entirely sure who is responsible for this mixtape.  A Redman album says the word "Redman" somewhere on it, even a Redman mixtape will still say "Redman" and add in something else like "mixed by DJ Breakfast".  This album lists four guys prominently but I can only assume that all of them are more responsible for mixing than content, hence the "DJ" or "hosted by" before the names.  One guy takes it a step further and uses the letters "DJ" twice, once at the beginning of his rap name, and again at the end, only backwards: DJ Young JD. Wow.  It's like a mexican sentence with the upside down question mark or something.  The other guy listed is "Waka Flocka" who is also photoshopped in on the cover (the guy with the flip off), so it must be his album after all.  The three DJs are just wranglers.

Continuing with CSI:Names (wow) this album also mentions that it has some affiliation with the "World of Warriorz" (weird) and the "Mexican Goon Mafia" (scary).  Now a guy named "Cartel MGM" is mentioned twice!  Three times if MGM stands for Mexican Goon Mafia, so you can bet he's important.  In fact he's probably the guy in the nice suit and the cigar.  I'll assume he is a rapper, but I hope you can see where I got confused since it says hes also the host.  So I think this is my final breakdown: this is a Cartel MGM album with Waka Flocka, mixed by DJ Young JD (lol) and DJ Ruben, hosted by Cartel MGM, and something about World of Warriorz and the Mexican Goon Mafia.  Solved.  Except for this: is Cartel a guy or a crew?  Because a cartel by definition is somewhat of a crew.  Wweeeiiiiirrrrdddd.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, let us examine the art.

The first thing I notice when I look at this cover is Cartel, front and center.  He looks like he had a tough day at the office as a corporate big shot.  He looks tired, the top buttons of his shirt have been undone (or have blown open from stress), he's finally lit a cigar and is ready to unwind.  What a day, right?  I know it's been tough for me looking at this, but Cartel, whoa, what a day....but I think the question is this: why is he so beat?  For answers, let's take a look at the factory he appears to own and operate.  Look at that mess!

1> Some goon is back there waiting for him.  Friend or foe? We'll never know.  But I'm guessing foe because he looks angry.
2> The factory has gaping holes everywhere which is allowing it to...
3> Rain inside! AND he just got his truck washed.
4> Waka Flocka is in there flipping him off!  I wonder if he's mad about the rain?  Maybe the masked goon is bothering him (can Waka be bothered?).  Or maybe he doesn't like the cigar smoke, some people are allergic you know.  All of those are good guesses, but I'll assume there was some sort of bad busness deal which would result in getting flipped off by Waka.
5> The woman (we'll get to that later).
6> Someone (possibly the woman, Waka, or the goon) spilled baking soda everywhere.  I'm guessing the woman because the biggest pile is right behind her.
7> The baking soda that didn't get spilled is still getting ruined in the box by the rain.
8> Money and stacks are everywhere.
9> They are in a black hole in bad weather.

Alright.  Wow, I'm already exhausted, I'm undoing my top button Cartel MGM style.  What a day, you know?

So the woman: there are many options but I think one of two is most likely.  One, maybe she is a, uh, lady of the night, who is just living in the factory until the homelessness stops (or the rain).  OR, maybe she is Cartel's wife and is helping to clean up.  Maybe their kids made that mess and Cartel was like "Yo! I'm having Waka and a goon over, can you make sure things look tidy? Waka might be renting a room.  Oh, and how about put on a nice sweater and a pair of jeans?".  Then Waka saw the mess and was like "Nah, I ain't renting a room here (flip-off)", and really, can you blame him?  Also, I know that isn't a tattoo on her hip, but if it were it would look awkward when she stood up.

Ok, that's it except for the stacks.  Lot's of money, brown paper stacks, green stacks, red stacks (or maybe Christmas gifts (doubtful)). Cartel MGM, his wife, Waka Flocka, DJ Young JD (lol), DJ Ruben, World of Warriorz and the Mexican Goon Mafia should get a safe or a bank account.  Sheeeeeesh!  OH!  Maybe that's why they have a goon!  Protection!  OR maybe he's there to commit robbery.  Yikes! Cartel MGM, you had better undo another button and get this sorted out.

Final thought: Everything on here looks terrible.  You're not enticing me this time, Cartel MGM (or whoever).  Honestly, did you get grandpa to put this together using his garage door opener at the senior living community?

Art Score: 0/10

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