Thursday, March 22, 2012

Track Check: CookieMonsta "IDAHO"

The reality of this post is worse...
We may as well keep on reviewing rap from Idaho because who else is doing that? Maybe we'll find a good track! Today we're going to check out the Idaho anthem "IDAHO" by CookieMonsta. Why not?


First of all, what in the hot hell kind of name is CookieMonsta? Oh, I can answer that: it's a stupid name. Really stupid. The stupidest? Are you sure you're not from Washington State CookieMonsta? I'm starting to suspect.... Actually, were are you from? Idaho Falls? Let's check the map:

DAMMIT! That's right next to Wyoming and Montana. We're not going to hear good music from here. At least it's a "big city", 130k in the entire "metro" area. Yeah, that'll help. I see that hip hop has officially made it to places that it doesn't belong. Listen, Idaho Falls, rap isn't a good fit for your community. I don't know what kind of music you listen to, but stick with that.  Church music or atheist music or whatever. I don't know. Please leave rapping to people who have things to worry about besides corn futures. Or else get mad blow every one's mind in the world with your awesome beats and rhymes.

Things are looking way down...let's just do the stupid song:

let's get it.

ZzzzzZZZZZzzzzz. That's about the most generic cut and paste rap song I've ever heard. Plus you sound mad timid on your hook, you know, the hook where you say "Idaho" like you're falling asleep. That's your HOME, you don't weakly say that shit with your mouth, that shit is in your heart. I would be pumping that shit up. If I were to say "IDAHO" and I was from there, it would hurt other people and make them scared. Twerk that. Let's check the weaky weakers chorus:

"I'm from...Idaho / I'm from...Idaho
I'm from...Idaho / I'm from...Idaho"

That's neat. Let's try that chorus with a different state and see if it works:

"I'm from...Georgia/ I'm from...Georgia
I'm from...Georgia/ I'm from Georgia"

Well, I'll be. It works the same way and is just as boring with any state. Innovate that mess.

Next? Sigh. Some boasting about being "country", something about "stayin' blown", "Bud Light", "Jungle Juice". Bragging about getting ladies, something, something. HAHAHA. He brags about representing the "208" which is the same area code that Benji has on the other side of the state! Now that's non-specific representing! Yo! Philly has like eight area codes in the metro area. HAHAHAH!

I think I'm half way through the song. Let's see, they get up early in the morning HAHAH. That's a sucka move. Then this:

"I-D-A-HO depending on how my day go
I stay in and lay low or hit the road with that tre-four"

Hahah! No you don't. Wow. The description of the East Idaho ladies is just amazing and gross. Ladies! Gross Ladies! Whew, that's it. The song SUCKS and so does the STATE. Get me outta here.

IDAHO Score 0/10 (song and state)

Stay Cool?
Okay, maybe we neet to post up some examples of how this should be done. Let's go with Philadelphia, PA (the Tort Team's home). Maybe we can find some decent songs about that place:

That's how it's done Idaho, even if you're not from Philly you can see that Jakk Frost is proud of his city and he shows you why it's a good place. Lot's of love and respect in this song. So, Idaho, get back to workin' the land and stay off the mic.

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