Monday, April 1, 2013

Professor Green "Read All About It"

What up bozos? How was your spring break? Dope as hell or wack ass? I hope it was bangning. I hope you're well rested because we're back with our SUMMER SERIES! Which only means business as usual, but in the summer time. Cool? So let's get started...I hope your ready because we're jumping in with Professor Green and his hit song "Read All About It" which he made with his friend Emeil Sande. So fun (I've never heard this before, I just found it on the French Top 40, so you can bet your wack ass spring break that it's going to be trash).

Before we jump in, who in the heck is Professor Green? OH SHIT! He's a British rapper. Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to score this song right now, before I've even heard one shit line:


That's the safest bet. England is terrible at rap: truth. Actually, it's in the same league as Washington State, which is the worst state at rap. Battle in #peeattle. So I looked at this randy blokes wikipedia page and I see that his career basically went like this:

1. Not a rapper
2. Tried a freestyle at a friend's house
3. Won a freestyle contest
4. Signed the next day
5. Droppin' the #1rap hit in Ireland (lol)

So in one week Professor Green went from normal kid to Eminem UK. I guess this song is his 8, 8 Kilometer. 

Well, let's get this overwith. Prepare to eat trash (the song might be good but I strongly doubt it)...

Oh. HAHAHAH! It's WAY WORSE than I thought. Emeli Sande, I don't know who you are, but you're way better than this crap. I'm not going to get into the daddy issue / dumb teenager content of the song because that would be disrespectful, but I will say that ur neck tattoo is lol. And your beat is so generic. Did you get that music from a drug commercial? I was waiting for the voice to come on at the end and give all the side effects from taking this medication / listening to the rap.

  • Call your doctor if your depression worsens from listening to Professor Green, or if you have unusual changes in mood, behavior, or thoughts of suicide (which you will).
  • Professor Green may be especialy dangerous for elderly patients suffering from dimentia or other psychosis.
  • Listening to Professor Green music may cause malignant syndrome whic includes: A high fever, stiff muscles, confusion, irregular pulse or blood pressure, a fast heart rate (tachycardia), sweating, irregular heart rhythms (arrhythmias).
  • Professor Green can cause tardive dyskinesia -- a condition involving unusual, uncontrollable body or face movements. NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH DANCING.
  • There is an increased risk of stroke in elderly people who listen to Professor Green.
  • Professor Green makes sweet music for young children, and may increase in blood sugar levels and increase the risk of developing diabetes
  • Professor Green can cause a drop in blood pressure when going from a sitting or lying position to standing.
  • Professor Green may increase the risk of seizures. Before listening to Professor Green, tell your healthcare provider if you have epilepsy or a history of seizures.
  • Professor Green is considered a pregnancy Category C medication. This means that it may not be safe to listen to during pregnancy.
  • Generally, alcohol should be avoided while listening to Professor Green, as the listeners judgment may be impaired.

What else can I say? The song is wack. Everybody grow up. The end. My predicted score stands: 0/10.
Eat shit England and quit rapping.

You know, before we leave, let's check in with an American who goes by the name Green as well. But he's no "professor"...just a Mister, and he's very good at what he does.

Fuck. That's how you do it. Real hip hop.

Philly. USA. FUCK YOU.

1 comment:

  1. a much better song of his.