U-God's Resume #80, "Prayer"

--Official Stats--
Artists: The Hillside Scramblers
Song: "Prayer"
Producer: Leatha Face
Album: UGODZ-ILLA Presents The Hillside Scramblers
Release Date: March 16, 2004

THE GRAND PRIZE! THE LAST SONG OF THE ALBUM! We made it together. Let's skip the bullshit intro and just hear this darn thing.

"Prayer"



The beat sounds like someone sweeping the floor. Almost like they're cleaning up the mess they made. Then U-God comes in and asks for forgiveness for his past mistakes. I wonder if he means this album. I'm sure he does. We forgive you Baby U, but we won't be buying any more U-GOD albums...and we might even start skipping full Wu Tang albums (like Wu-Block, even though it was good).

So the song is clearly U's prayer. Fine. So what is he asking his creator for?

1. Asking for a lot of forgiveness.
2. Informing God that he's trying feed his fam / do the best he can.
3. Informing God that he might die from gun violence.
4. Informing God that he's running from the cops.

That's it. Verse one. Except for when he ends the verse by saying "pray for me". UH. You're praying now. You don't ask god to pray for you. Who does he pray to? That's like meeting Bill Clinton and then asking him to "talk to Bill Clinton for me". Weird shit.

Also, maybe I don't know much about prayer (especially in the 5%ers) but wouldn't god already know that you're running from the cops. Are you reminding him? I don't know.

Then we have the most predictable chorus in the history of the earth. But at least it isn't U just repeating the word "prayer" over and over, like he's known to do.

Okay, verse 2:

1. Informing God of the stress in his life.
2. Threatening God that he will blow his top.
3. Bragging to God about his gun skillz.
4. Something something...

Whatever. This is okay but it's still stupid. Weak end to a weak ass album.

IN CONCLUSION: I forgot to mention that the beat was wack. May we never hear another Leatha Face beat, amen.

Track Score: 0/10

U-God’s Score: 0/10

Impact on Rep (+,-,=): None (nobody heard this)


Next Week: We're taking a few weeks off from this U-God shit. Then we check out a track that U showed up for on Masta Killa's first solo. I like that album! But we might not come back.

About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

U-God's Resume #79, "Here We Come"

--Official Stats--
Artists: The Hillside Scramblers
Song: "Here We Come"
Producer: Leatha Face
Album: UGODZ-ILLA Presents The Hillside Scramblers
Release Date: March 16, 2004

If you think I'm going to review this piece of shit, you've got another thing coming. Sure, I've never heard this song but what are the chances that the fucking Scramblers snunk in a good song at the end of the album. I'll tell you the chance:

0%

It's not going to happen. Now I just want to make a quick point. The Scramblers ALWAYS talk about "banging" things, like every song they "bang" this and "bang" that, but they don't mean it in a Cinemax Midnight Movie way, they mean it in a "shoot a gun" way. But I always think of the Midnight Movie way. So they are always talking about "banging" and now we have a song called "Here We Come". Really, guys? Did nobody teach you about double meanings of terms?

Anyway this song will be crap.

"Here We Come"





HAHAH Just kidding. That wasn't a Hillside Scramblers song, it was a good song. See, Black Sheep starts the song by saying "here they come, yo" which is kind of phat. It's also funny that Black Sheep makes a point to say that they don't hit girls, while U-God is beating on them in every other video. HAHAH Hilarious. Black Sheep is so good. Oh shit! They have a song with Show & A?



I'm with the Black, black, black too.



IN CONCLUSION: Nice! It was so fun listening to Black Sheep and not Hillside Scramblers. We should have done this a long time ago. Should we look at the Scramblers song at least?



HAHAHA! Pure trash. "Oh no! Watch out here they come" is absolutely right. Is that DJ yelling on the album version? I hope not. It makes a bad song unbearable. HAhAh. It probably is like that.

THE CHOICE IS YOURS SCORE: 9/10
E.F.F.E.C.T. Score: 6/10
BLUNTED SCORE: 8/10
Hillside Scramblers Track Score: 0/10

U-God’s Score: 0/10

Impact on Rep (+,-,=): None (nobody heard this)


Next Week: The last Scramblers song. Then we can shut down the blog forever.

About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

U-God's Resume #78, "Struggle Ain't Got No Color"

--Official Stats--
Artists: The Hillside Scramblers
Song: "Struggle Ain't Got No Color"
Producer: Homocide
Album: UGODZ-ILLA Presents The Hillside Scramblers
Release Date: March 16, 2004

Guys, let me be real with you for a minute. This blog is my JOB. I work here. I know I've been slacking on the U-God reviews lately (because I hate this fucking Scramblers album). And I've been slacking on the editing and whatever else. Everything else. I want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I barely listen to these awful songs even once before I review them. I'm sorry that sometimes I do something else while I'm listening to the song. I'm sorry that I've probably used this old "I suck at my job" gimmick to kill time before. The truth is that I don't want to review this song. Just like the last dozen or so (15) Hillside Scramblers songs I've heard. #sosorry #plzretweet

Anyway. This looks like a message song. Conscious rap. Great. From the guys who talk about "banging" anything that comes close to them (their words, not mine) we get to hear a song against racism. Look, conscious rappers are usually terrible, and thug rappers who try to drop message raps are usually worse. So here is my prediction: this will be the worst song on the album ("Prayer", the final track might be worse, we'll see).

"Struggle Ain't Got No Color"



So here is what I wanted to hear on this track vs. what I actually heard:

DOPE BEAT - Even though it's got some decent elements, it stills sucks so hard.

CLEVER LYRICS - No. It barely talks about struggle (mainly how awesomely U-God handles struggle) and only mentions "color" once beside the chorus. And it's not clever at all. It's straightforward. Basic shizz.

RAZOR SHARP CHORUS - AHahhahah the chorus is mad weak. Hilarious. How long did it take to write? 10 Seconds? Put in work, kid.

Ill LINES: Very few. The "Things never change, we all the same, we bleed the same blood" is EMBARRASSING. Dude. You're a professional. ACT LIKE IT..

So U kicks off the track with the clever observation that "it's funny what people do just to get a meal". You know, it is funny. I can't stop laughing about it. Like how some people, who are good at something (like rapping), put together a rushed garbage album of rookie shit and sell it to their fans who TRUST that someone from the Wu Tang Clan would never release something wasn't up to par. The they get the money and ruin the brand because people feel ripped off. Just to get a meal. That is funny.

Then, U points out that people wonder how he "stays hungry with degrees in science". That's a dope line. Straight up. But he follows it by saying that his mind is "in the garbage". Dude, we KNOW. It's so full of garbage that it's been coming out of your mouth for this whole album. All garbage.

In the second verse, U states for the record that he doesn't trust women. Really? No DUH ASSHOLE. We all noticed. Remember that video where you clubbed a woman over the head and dragged her back to your cave? Or the one where a woman was being held with her hands behind her back and you punched her as hard as you could across the face.

The rest of this track is a little above garbage. But not that much above.

IN CONCLUSION: You know, my prediction was off - U actually didn't completely disappoint me on this one. It was still terrible, but at least it only had U-God and he was trying. Props for that.

Track Score: 0/10

U-God’s Score: 1/10

Impact on Rep (+,-,=): None (nobody heard this)


Next Week: We run down the clock with the last few tracks off this garbage. #Scramblers

About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

U-God's Resume #77, "Put It On Me"

--Official Stats--
Artists: The Hillside Scramblers
Song: "Put It On Me"
Producer: Mark Alston
Album: UGODZ-ILLA Presents The Hillside Scramblers
Release Date: March 16, 2004

We're getting close to the end! Finally. This looks like a sex track. "I hope not" - everyone. At least it's produced by someone other than Leatha Face. Maybe it will be good? I fucking doubt it, but it might be. Oh shit, I can't even find this track on YouTube...it must be great!

"Put It On Me"




Wow! QUIZ TIME: WTHell is U-God saying right at the beginning of the track?

a> "I'm telling you. Telling you, telling you...."
b> "Turnin', turnin', turnin...'"
c> "'talian, 'talian, 'talian..." (Like Italian)
d> "Tearin' em, tearin' em, tearin' em..."

"...etty, aity mark mark, they ain't ready man...they ain't ready, they ain't ready, they ain't ready, they ain't ready for this, they ain't ready for me right now know what I mean?"

Well, what's your answer, smart guy? THERE IS NONE. He's talking with gravel in his mouth. Gravel from the street that was kicked up by the street sweeper. He went out to the street, grabbed a cup of gravel, took it inside, put the shit in his mouth, and then did that intro. You know what the funny thing is? It's the best part of the song. AHhaha. Truth. You know what else? He's right. I'm not ready for this.

"You thought it was safe? Uhhhh. Ooooo. Give it to me, give it to me. Uh. Yeah. Now give it to me, give it to me. Bump. Now bump bump. Now bump. Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me, now bump bump bump bump bump..."

HAHAHAH! Great intro. Bump. The best intro ever? The fuck out of here.

Now we get to hear the song, and what a huge change in production quality. Like a million times better than everything else we've heard on this shit so far. But it's still awful. I really hate this. It was clearly supposed to be the radio cut, but I doubt it ever got played. Well, I got played for listening to this. You got played for reading this. Kid N' Play.

What is that music? It's so silky smooth. Like Silk (the milk substitute) pouring into a glass in a commercial. So smooth...but so gross. This is the worst. It's a SELL OUT. A radio cut.

"Let's betray our rugged background for some bullshit" - U-God (and Method Man, on T2: Judgement Day)

I guess the Scramblers aren't good at rugged shit either, so why would the be good at this?


IN CONCLUSION: Another mistake in a long line of mistakes.

Track Score: 0/10

U-God’s Score: 0/10

Impact on Rep (+,-,=): None (nobody heard this)


Next Week: Who cares? We're getting close to the end! Woot!

About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

Leatha Fase vs. Leatha Face UK

Ladies and gentlemen! I'm sure there are no ladies reading this...and probably no gentlemen. just a couple lost souls who were searcing for images of Puffy and ended up here. Welcome! Don't leave yet, we have a treat for you in classic hip hop form: a BATTLE! Truth.

Today it's another same-name face off. This time it's between Leatha Fase and Leatha Face! Two people named after a stupid movie that nobody has seen since 1994. Great name! But so confusing to those of us doing internet searches for Leatha Face. Let's get this sorted out. WHO IS THE BEST LEATHA FASE? DESERVING OF THE NAME? KEEPER OF THE LETTERS THAT FORM THE NAME FROM THIS TIME FORWARD?

Let's meet the contenders...


In this corner, hailing from Puerto Rico, Brooklyn, Queens, and Staten Island:

Leatha Fase

Known for being U-God's bestie and for producing and rapping for the Hillside Scramblers! He's got the weight of all the Sramblers behind him...

And in the other corner, hailing from ENGLAND (hahahah, this one is already over)

Leatha Face

Not known for anything in the US! Also, WTF is all that tanning talk, is this guy a beach bum?

Let's go.

__________________________


I guess we should start with that England lad. At first I thought we might have a real battle here, but nobody from the UK has a chance in hell against an American rapper...even one from the Hillside Scrablers.



OH. Is this comedy? Jokez. NO NOT JOKES: A message about health. Ohhhhhh shiiiiiiiiit. This is the worst. Leatha Face is a tool used for public service announcements about skin cancer. Most of this video he's getting "schooled" by this guy:

"Using these sun beds to me it don't make sense,
use 'em once or more a month and the chance of skin cancer increas more
than fifty percent"

WHOA!!

"I'm not dissing you my friend, I'm trying to save your life."

Well, that was the worst. More flipping doctors trying to reach the youth with an important message a language "they" can understand. What a bunch of assholes. Hey, if someone wants to get a tan LET THEM, don't rap at us like we're a bunch of morons. Like you're so much better and smarter than us. Tanning beds give you cancer? Fake raps cause lead poisioning.

I can't believe this but I think the Hilliside scrambler might have a good chance of winning this one. AND I'm rooting for him. GO LEATHA FASE! Body that corporate sun cancer kid.
Also, nobody I know hits the tanning beds. They either don't need it, or they're too poor. So good message focused on rich people.
__________________________

SO. Leatha Face doesn't have any solo tracks that I could find, so we'll have to go with one where he teams up with his bestie U-God. Enjoy. Yo! Leatha, knock that sun tan fuck out position.




EH. That sucked. I've heard that one before and it still sucks. But was it better than the sun tan guy? I don't know. I HATE BOTH SONGS. The beat is so distracting. Deck, you stink at production. However, Leatha Face does okay! Way better than the sun burn kid. So...


LEATHA FACE (THE SCRAMBLER) is the winner!

Congratulations. You get to keep your name. But don't think that your song is any good, it's just not trying to teach me about skin cancer so it won. I'll never listen to either track again. Ever.

SUN TAN SCORE 0/10
GLIDE SCORE 0/10


IN ADDITION: I should also point out that someone in BONE (Krayzie) is nicknamed Leatha Face too...and there are a few more out there. So this isn't over.

U-God's Resume #76, "Gang of Gangstas"

--Official Stats--
Artists: The Hillside Scramblers
Song: "Gang of Gangstas"
Producer: Leatha Face
Album: UGODZ-ILLA Presents The Hillside Scramblers
Release Date: March 16, 2004

GET ON YOUR SHIP
   GRAB THE RUDDER
      THIS SONG HERE IS
         ANOTHER DUD...er
GET TO COURT
   CHECK THE EVIDENCE
      THIS SONG HERE IS
         SOMETHING SOMETHING

I've lost all interest in this series. How many ways can I introduce a song which is full of slack rappers that nobody cares about? HOW? ANSWER ME.

HO-LEE SHIT. How many songs are left on this nightmare album? FOUR. So that'll take me about a year to get through (seemingly). Wait, actually there are five if you count this one that I haven't heard yet. That's way too many. This song has way more Scramblers than usual: Black Ice, Desert Eagle, INF-Black, Frank Banger, U-God, Leatha Face, Ja-Mal. Are they all scramblers? Frank Banger! Fuck this groups obsession with banging everything. Bang this and bang that. Now a dude is named Bang. FUCK BANG ME.

Anyway. I bet this song will be really long will all these slackers (and Desert Eagle) trying to shine. I hope not. Maybe it will be short....

And do I have to make a joke about the stupidest fucking song name in the universe? NO. I was trying to think of something that is similar to that title, but I can't. Student body of students? Fishery of fish? I call BULLSHIT on THIS TITLE.

HRERE IS THE SONG AND YES I AM MISSPELLING SHIT AND LEAVING IT BECAUS I AM TYPING FAST AND ONE FINGER IS ON "SHIFT" AND I WANT TO GET THIS OVERWITH SO I AM NOT GOING BACK TO CORRECT ANYTHING AT ALL. SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO....(IS THAT A WORD? ALL CAPS! FUN).*
*That was way longer than I intended.


"Gang of Gangstas"



Well boys, the chorus is super basic (repeating "Gang of Gangstas") and includes the Scramblers favorite thing on Earth: banging. In this case they are banging steel. Sure. Fine.

The beat is okay with little bursts of embarassing bullshit, but the song is so long you'll get used to it after six minutes.

I'm not going to sort out who is spitting what verse, becasue frankly I don't care. Of course I'll call out the worst rapping and any references to banging. Let's see....

First Verse: Boring. Slump your baby mama. Awkward flow.
Second Verse: Boring. Seems to rap for a long time.
Third Verse: Jump off reference to big, uh, male parts. Boring. Something about "swallowing your best"
Fourth Verse: Crap flow. Rip the pockets off the denim. Dumb.
Fifth Verse: U-GOD! The best one so far. Best flow so far! We might have a champ! But I still will never listen to this crud again.
Sixth Verse: I didn't really pay attention because I was bored.
Seventh Verse: Is this a girl or a kid? Legit question. The flow and rhymes are shitty like what a kid would come up with, but the voice sounds like a girl. They should have cut this verse for real. In fact, they should have cut all the verses. And the beat, cut that too. Six minutes of silence. That would have been better.

IN CONCLUSION: Only a hundred weeks left of this Nightmare on Elm Street.

Track Score: 0/10

U-God’s Score: 0/10

Impact on Rep (+,-,=): None (nobody heard this)


Next Week: U-God and Autumn Rae reunite! BOOO!!!!

About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

U-God's Resume #75, "KJ Rhyme"

--Official Stats--
Artists: The Hillside Scramblers
Song: "KJ Rhyme"
Producer: Leatha Face
Album: UGODZ-ILLA Presents The Hillside Scramblers
Release Date: March 16, 2004

Hey Yo! KJ! We need you to just do a rhyme.

Who's KJ? Fuck you for asking that. It's King Just you penguin faced clam dodger. Who did you think it was? KG from K&G Men's Clothing? That's so stupid.  "You're fired" - Donald Trump, to you. I almost wrote Donald Turnip there...ahahah! Wouldn't that have been a mess? "The fuck is Donald Turnip? I'm never reading this bullshit blog again EVER." - YOU.

I'm realizing that life is a lot better not reviewing this song. Sure King Just is a good rapper, but this whole album has been a nightmare and I'm sure this song won't rise above the rest of the toilet water. It'll stink, becasue this whole album was thrown together one afternoon when Leatha Face (Fase?) fired up his dad's laptop.

"Yo! We have everything we need to make an album right now" - Leatha Face when he saw U-God's USB microphone.

So, I'm sure the album was "done". They wrapped it up when Wheel of Fortune was about to start and Mrs. Face (Leatha Face's mom) just brought home Wendy's. But they had like three extra minutes so they were like "Fuck this we got time, KJ just bang one out." (The Scramblers use the term "bang" a lot, to mean a lot of different things, but they don't use it the way I use it. When I say "bang", I mean "bang", like the adult, non-gun related, thing that happens behind closed doors. You know, bang.).

King Just eating a pineapple in Phoenix, AZ (August, 1983).

So KJ was like, "OK, I'll come up with something! Do we have a beat?" and Leatha Face pointed at his CASIO and was like "We don't need a beat, I can just bang this shit and loop it" and sure enough that's what happened. It's in the Wu-Tang Manual, right before the story of how Raekwon failed out of the Coast Guard because he was TOO GOOD AT FISHING FOR TUNA! True story. Read the book.

Can you tell that I don't want to listen to this shit? I'm wasting a lot of time not listening to this song. I've had enough. This song doesn't even have U-God on it....I should get a pass. You should get a pass from having to read this mess.

I''m so drunk I forgot to put the word "SONG" in there, but you get the idea.

Oh well, let's just do it. This is a professional review, uh, blog...not fucking MSNBC.

Hillside Scrambled Eggs! Let's go.

"KJ Rhyme"




Wow. How "on" was I with all my wild guesses? KJ is, in fact, good at rapping. The beat was, in fact, thrown together in three minutes while Leatha Face was making a poster for his lost dog.

KJ Jumps off by saying that "KJ Rhymes all day every day." THAT, my friend, sounds like a curse. Like some Disney wicked stepmother put a spell on you and the only thing that will cure it is true love's kiss or a 'regular' job that requires you to speak in non-rhymes. Like if you worked as the guy at the movies who kicks people out who sneak in...you can't rhyme that."I saw you leave 'Twilight' and come in here, show me your tickets or give me a beer." All day.

Okay, I was typing that instead of listening to this song. When I did "tune" in, the rapping was good but the beat is a mess. KJ, you deserve better. Then the chorus kicks in and YIPES, what a mess. Are we supposed to sing along with that? I hope not. I don't even want to hear it much less sing it. 

I'm still listening to this song for the first time and I'm giving up after two and a half minutes. Abandon ship. I'm sure this song is exactly the same all the way through. A sewer sound pile up with lots of amateur keyboard and okay rapping. That's not good enough. No Way!!!

IN CONCLUSION: 10,000 words about a song I didn't even listen to all the way through? This must be reader appreciation day.

Track Score: 0/10

U-God’s Score: 0/10

Impact on Rep (+,-,=): None (nobody heard this)


Next Week: Only 5 more garbage songs! The next one is called "Gang of Gangsters", which is a majorly stupid title for a majorly bad song (prediction).

About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

U-God's Resume #74, "Take it to the Top"

--Official Stats--
Artists: The Hillside Scramblers
Song: "Take it to the Top"
Producer: Leatha Face
Album: UGODZ-ILLA Presents The Hillside Scramblers
Release Date: March 16, 2004

THE TOP OF WHAT? SOME BULLSHIT? You fucking Scramblers. You gotta take a step up from the very bottom before you think about the top. And trust me, your shit is all the way down in the hole. Just look at the rest of this shit album, you have a very, VERY long way to go to make it anywhere near the top. Plus, "taking" anything "to the top" is old shit. Come fresh. Come clean. It looks like we're on to another Hillside Scramblers track on some non-innovative shit. Fuck.... 

PLUS, I just tracked down this video and I see that it's a long ass song...5 minuts of pain. But wait! Desert Eagle is in it! He's dope. We have hope! Who else is in it? U-God, INF-Black, King Just, and Leatha Face. Who???

WAIT A MINUTE: WTFUCK? IS IT FACE WITH A "C" OR FACE WITH AN "S" LEATHA FASE? SHIT!

"Take it to the Top"



So so noisy. So so rookie. U-God brings some of the wackest rhymes to grace this album. I'm talking rich kid in the den mixtape quality rap. Hospital waste level...

THIS IS AN ACTUAL RAP FROM SOMEONE IN THE WU-TANG CLAN:

"As the music get's louder at the top of the hour it's time to devour cuz i'm hungry for power I rise like towers"

No disrespect to Deborah Harry from Blondie, but she raps better than this, and her raps are about as basic as you can get. It goes on and on:

"i'm a mean machine eat lean cuisine similar to steve mcqueen on silver screen i'm supposed to redeem"
So sad.

The other rappers are a disgrace as well. I was hoping for something big from Desert Eagle, and he blew it on the kick off verse. INF did his normal slack job, so did Leatha Face. The only stand out is King Just, nice job. I guess.

IN CONCLUSION: Is this fucking album almost done?

Track Score: 0/10

U-God’s Score: WORST I'VE HEARD FROM HIM EVER 0/10

Impact on Rep (+,-,=): None (nobody heard this)


Next Week: The nightmare continues....

About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

U-God's Resume #73, "Drama"

--Official Stats--
Artists: The Hillside Scramblers
Song: "Drama"
Producer: Leatha Face
Album: UGODZ-ILLA Presents The Hillside Scramblers
Release Date: March 16, 2004

OMG O.M.G. OMG O.M.G. This is getting so difficult to review. I honestly have no interest in listening to "Drama" by the Hillside Scramblers featuring Leatha Face, Kawz, INF-Black, and U-God and produced by Leatha Face. The track record of this album thus far is the pits. 100% Wack. 100% Rookie.

So this shit came out in early 2004, it's safe to say this was U-God's big project during the end of 2003. I wonder what the other Clansmen were up to during this time period.

Method Man: Probably working on "Tical 0: The Prequel" with Puffy. - WACK
RZA: Maybe working on Kill Bill Vol. 2? Writing a book? - DOPE
Ghostface Killah: Working on "The Pretty Toney Album" - DOPE
Inspectah Deck: Relaxing - DOPE 
Masta Killa: Working on "No Said Date" - DOPE
Raekwon: Reflecting on his mistakes - DOPE
ODB: NY Legal System - WACK
GZA: Relaxing? - GET TO WORK

So, U was doing the worst out of everyone with the exception of ODB. But the difference was that ODB didn't choose to get caught up. U-God did choose this shit. U-God would have been better off talking the GZA route and relaxing for '03 instead of making this shit.

 Lets' go...

"Drama"



Ke-ke-ke-ke-ka-KEYBOARDS! That sound like shit. But this is worse:

"If you don't want the drama........bust yo gun.
You don't want the drama........Here I come."

I'll just tell you right now: I don't want drama, therefore I must bust my gun and take down whoever sung that wackass chorus. Is wackass one word or two? Wack Ass. Probably two. Can I tell you that I never really had a gun.

It's a shame becasue the first verse sounds ok, but the beat is so wack that no rapping could make the shit work. U-God, the biggest hitter in the crew comes wack over this beat...and he may have been on time. We'll never know.

What a piece of shit.

 

Track Score: 0/10

U-God’s Score: 0/10

Impact on Rep (+,-,=): None (nobody heard this)


Next Week: It goes on and on and on. We're like 12 songs into an 18 song album.

About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

U-God's Resume #72, "Ghetto Gutter"

--Official Stats--
Artists: The Hillside Scramblers
Song: "Ghetto Gutter"
Producer: Leatha Face
Album: UGODZ-ILLA Presents The Hillside Scramblers
Release Date: March 16, 2004

Crap. I'll be honest with you, the ratings around here are slipping. Like way down. Will we get cancled? Yipes! I hope not. I have a Pepsi addiction. When we used to write U-God reviews for songs like "Triumph" and "Winter Warz" we would get like a hundred hits! Each! Now, with this Hillside Scramblers series, we're lucky if we get 1 hit. YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT EVEN ON THIS PAGE. That's the recession for you. 

Look a lot of jobs are on the line, so we need to SPICE IT UP! Bring in the numbers. How do we do that? Like this, I guess:

Nicki Minaj- Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded IS #1 fan favorite

    



Now the search engines will find us!

FUCK. I STILL HAVE TO REVIEW THIS U-GOD SHIT.

Actually, I'm kind of happy because I see that this song is a U-God solo track featuring Autumn Rue, who I have been known to accidently call Autumn Rae because I have no idea who she is. WHO IS AUTUMN RUE (besides being the most talented one in the group). Well, the internet doesn't seem to know. Shit....let's see if this song reveals anything


"Ghetto Gutter"





What kind of beat is that? More rookie shit. Shitty sounding rookie shit. Shitty shit rookie shit. Hand clap.

U-God steps into the track like the Kool-Aid man enters a room...if the wall was reinforced and didn't break. Flat.

The chorus is fricking lame (and by that I mean its fucking dumb).

"I tear the roof right off this mothaaaaaa...
I give 'em ghetto gutter.
That venom? I put it on ya.
I give 'em ghetto gutter."

U's flow is good...and his something sounds something. Not that great. No memorable lines. No rewinds. Just blah blah blah ghetto gutter blah blah blow haze in they face.  Bailing out like skates.

In the last verse U mentions that he has a "project chicken" who both strips and handles his weight. Good business choice. I'm glad you found a farm animal that you can trust with your diet. Hand clap.

IN CONCLUSION: Autumn Rae, your contribution to this song was the best part of it and all you said was "ghetto gutter" four or five times. You should drop these slackers and find a real job...like working at Ikea (but upstairs, not in the warehouse).

Track Score: 0/10
U-God’s Score: 1/10

Impact on Rep (+,-,=): None (nobody heard this)


Next Week: THE HILLSIDE SCRAMBLERS NEVER END.

About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.

The best selling scramblers.

U-God's Resume #71, "Spit Game"

--Official Stats--
Artists: The Hillside Scramblers
Song: "Spit Game"
Producer: Leatha Face
Album: UGODZ-ILLA Presents The Hillside Scramblers
Release Date: March 16, 2004

This is a military instillation you disgusting little puke. I am the general, and I expect to be treated with respect. HAHAH! Joking! Nobody respects anything on this crappy blog. Especially when some coattail riding slackers phone in a crappy hip hop album with a cheap looking cover and end a word with "Z-ILLA" (does the hypen have anything to do with copyright infringement? DOES IT? Becasue why not just say 'U-Godzilla presents'? Also, since U-God's name is hyphenated to begin with, wouldn't the actual title be U-GODZ-ILLA? Stu-pi-d)

Fuck. This song has U-Godz-illa, INF-Blackz-illa, Leatha-Facez-illa, and Autumn-Ruez-illa. How can it bad with so many smart and talented people working on it?



INF-BLACK

 Let us partake:


"Spit Game"



DAMN IT! SERIOUSLY? I'm 20 seconds in and it's wack as hell. Wacker than hell. What is wacker than hell? That's a philosophical question. Could U-God create a stone that was too heavy for him to lift? Think about it.

Whatever...wholly shit:

"Spit game...spit game...game...game..."

With a hook that hot how could anyone not spit game? Plus a beat from the Fisher Price Let's Make Music Keyboard (ages infant - 2 years)...

In all seriousness, the melody sounds almost the same as the melody in "Milk the Cow" by Cappadonna, but WAY WAY WAY more garbage.

Crap. Nobody has even rapped yet and I hate this song. The only one who could save this beat with an ill verse is Big Boi, but I'm sure he's too busy RAPPING LIKE A BOSS to appear on this rookie shit.

Ah, U-God is up first. And he sounds okay. Not bad at all. What? Well, he flows right on the beat. I think he mentions that he is "capsized in the game"...which means he is overturned and immobile. That's about right. He also says he'll "bang you out", so watch out for that. Whoever follows this is going to have a tough job, not only are they following a decent verse from the only recognizible name, they are also rapping on a gutter clog beat.

After another pitiful chorus we have someone else rapping! And it's a pretty normal verse. Nothing Special at all!

Third up is, uh, someone else! Who "talks" their way "out of beef" so that they have time to "get the heat". That's lame-o. You should be packin' all day, sucka. Fuck your time-buying tactics, I stay ready. Plus, he says that he doesn't care that I don't like him, because I "don't excite [him]". Fuck exciting you. That's silly shit. What? Are you going to "bang" me now? Like how you threaten to "bang" some "little lames"? HAHAH! Go ahead and "bang" them. It sounds like you want to do something else that doesn't involve guns. Hhaha. Next!

We end with a singing verse and it's worse than you could imagine!

  IN CONCLUSION: WEAK AND EMBARASSING. If you were rolling with your "trues" and you turned on this shit, you'd probably get "banged".

Track Score: 0/10

U-God’s Score: 5/10

Impact on Rep (+,-,=): None (nobody heard this)


Next Week: Who cares? More Scramblers trash.

About this series: “U-God’s Resume" is a series of posts which looks at each line of U-God’s entire career to determine if his status as ‘wack’ is justified (as labeled by internet morons). I think it is not. U-God is dope. We'll prove it. Leave it to the Tort Team.