I'm sure there are a lot of hip hop Christmas songs, and I'm sure they're all terrible, but the only one I can think of right now besides this one is RUN DMC's Christmas in Hollis. That song has Santa, snowmen, and a genuinely cheerful holiday spirit. Eazy-E took an entirely different approach to his Christmas song: profanity, drinking, filthy sexcapades, and extreme violence! You know, Xmas stuff! Holla.
The first appearance of this track was on Eazy's album "5150: Home 4 Tha Sick", which was Eazy's first solo album after the NWA break up. And you can barely call it an album since it only had five tracks and one of them was an intro and another one was this weird muthaphhukkin Christmas song. Sure, this album came out right after Christmas in 1992, but even in a full blown holiday season I doubt people wanted to hear this. But for me, as a kid and an Eazy-E fan, I can say that I loved this album and this song. It'll be interesting to see how it's holding up twenty years later. I suspect that it will be terrible, but who knows? Eazy-E is timeless. Okay, so here is the track (better not play this around
Wow, right? First of all, who in the hell are all those guest spots? Menajahtwa, Buckwheat, and Atban Klann. Who? I guess we'll get to that as we dig into these verses...
Eazy E kicks things off with the first verse, and he starts that off by wishing us a Merry Christmas and then shooting at us! It goes from there to a sex verse to the tune of Dashing Through the Snow (of all things) with Eazy declaring it "Tis the season to get busy". Nice. Kids just don't do that kind of thing anymore. It's a bygone era or something.
Next up is Menajahtwa and the question "what kind of name is that?". OH HOLD ON, it's Menajahtwa (you have to say it with a Jamacian accent...that makes me think I might remember them from a Naughty by Nature song), the two female rappers who appeared on a couple of Eazy E songs and made no difference! What ever happened to them? I guess it doesn't matter in the long run. Anyway their verse involves listing their Christmas wish list: Sleigh Ride, CD Player, VCR. Normal stuff. But then it gets dirty and turns into another sex verse! Tis the season for that!
Sheesh. Next we have Buckwheat, whoever that is, and his verse is very angry and he just lets kids know that Santa is a lie (spoiler alert kids). Dumb verse. How are the first and second spot on this track filled with dirty, dirty sex raps then this guy comes in and just ruins the secret that Santa isn't real? I STRONGLY doubt that any kid who happens to be listening to Merry Muthaphhukkin Xmas hasn't learned the truth about Santa. Did you think of that Buckwheat? No? Step up your shock value, son.
Finally we have all kinds of crazy stuff with Eazy E running through famous Carols, but inserting his own filthy lyrics. Okay.
"The Twelve Days of Christmas"
"On the third day of Christmas my homeboys gave to me: 3 Pounds of Indo, 2 bricks of Cocaine, and an A Muthaphhukkin K" - Now that's a CHRISTMAS.
"Oh Christmas Tree"
[Ladies singing]: "Eazy E, oh, Eazy E. Show us how you treat those b****es."
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
I think you can guess the lyrics here. "Kissing" is stepped way up and Santa Claus becomes Eazy Claus.And "Little Drummer Boy" was thrown in there as well. It's a heartwarming Xmas medely.
Now for your Christmas Gift! Here it is:
The last verse on this song is performed by none other than Will 1X, or now known as Wil.i.am from the super sell-out group The Black Eyed Peas! In 1992! That's right! I was spinning Wil.i.am when I was just a lad, apparently. I never knew that. Weird right? I mean, of all people. Wil.i.am. Huh. Things that make you go huh. So how does he do? Just fine. There was a time when Wil.i.am wasn't ruining everything! Maybe he could be visited by the ghosts of muthaphhucking Xmas past and get straightened out? WE can only wish!
Okay, that's it!
"...and they all went to prision and had f***ed up lives ever after. The End."
Merry Mutha****** Xmas Score 2/10
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