Thursday, August 23, 2012

Stack Boys vs. $tack Boys

Our old friends are back again! You remember the $tack Boys right? The wealthy entitled rascals who rap about the stuff they saw at the mall. Yeah, those guys. Your favorites. Snapback a-holes.

Well, they're back with another song called "Socks and Slides", it's the track that everybody has been waiting for...because we all want to know what a couple of preteens think about footware. But this silver lining has a dark cloud brewing. Remember that movie THE DARK KNIGHT? Where the Batman does his thing but then a new villian comes out and he's a real challenge for the hero because he hides his face too or something. You know, the opposite side of the same coin? Well, that same thing is happening to the $tack Boys. Another group has appeared, and it's basically the same situation as the Batman thing. A duo of rappers has come for the $tack Boys crown...and their name is...THE STACK BOYS!!!! TOO !!! GASP!!!!

So we have an official RAP BATTLE! $tack Boys vs. Stack Boys! Stack on stack crime! Who shall win the coveted name? Let's find out!

We'll start with the challenger: THE STACK BOYS and their song "INTRO".

"Stacks in the building, stacks in the building
Jayboi, Tay Tay, Stacks in the building"

See what I mean? You bring a knife, they bring a gun. You $tack Boys at the mall, they Stack Boys on a car! Our stack boys might be in trouble. Let's see if they can fight this fire...

HAHAhA! I want to say "nobody wins with either of the garbage tracks". But we clearly have a winner. The $tack Boys (the kids wildin' at the mall) have officially lost to The Stack Boys (the guys wilding in a driveway).


How did they win, you ask? That's simple. The mall kids sound timid, they use a fake ass hyphy beat, they rhyme about dumb shit, they filmed their crap video at the mall, AND THEY SPANK EACH OTHER IN THE VIDEO.

The other Stack Boys (no dollar sign) at least sound excited to be rapping. The beat is just as lousy but at least they aren't rapping about the SHIT THEY SEE AT THE MALL. Plus a few of the lines are clever and some of the production choices aren't bad. Plus a back-and-forth! Not bad, but still not good. I mean some of the lines are weak, and the beat sounds really old (like they found it at a garage sale), and the video is just around their (pretty nice) neighborhood.

But you gotta make sense son, you can't be coming with shit like this:

They do mention sandals though....

As for the mall rat rapper $tack Boys:

"So for all you flip flopin wearers out there,
you gotta get some slides and cut ya hair.
Cuz you gotta rock a fade when you're wearing the slides
on your bike, on your board, or in your mom's ride"

At least the $tack Boys lost fighting for something they believe in: wearing branded shoes at the mall to feel like strangers are looking at them and giving them some of the attention that they so desperately crave from their parents. Hey kids, you're more than what you wear on your feet or head. NOBODY CARES. It's not fun to try on sunglasses at the mall, it's dumb. Go do something worthwile with your life. Like make a video like the OFFICAL STACK BOYS (no dollar sign). At least they're winners and are comfortable with who they are. So they win. Easy.


It's not's pity.

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