Thursday, August 9, 2012

Yo! That's a Mixtape: RAIG ENT. "New York State of Mind 2009 / 5 LEAKED TRACKS"

Stop. SPOILER ALERT! This mixtape is 5 LEAKED TRACKS! Stop everything!

If you want to be surprised by whatever this is, STOP READING NOW! Also, if you expect this post to be written at a fourth grade reading level or better: STOP READING NOW!!! As for the tracks: who leaked them? The MEDIA? Bloggers? The Triad? Who knows? But they're out there now, and we'll have to deal with it.

WAIT, MORE!! We have another problem: THIS MIXTAPE HAS 7 TRACKS EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS 5! STOP THE PRESSES! We don't have presses! 

If you're uncomfortable with either of those facts, go ahead and leave. MOVE! Get out the way. Otherwise, we're finally reviewing "New York State of Mind 2009 5 Leaked Tracks (Featuring The Cipher: CEO of Real As It Gets)" presented by "Real As It Gets Entertainment"!

We've got to get going on this bad boy, I don't even have time to type this sentence!

Let's skip the bullshit. I don't know anything about this guy or anyone associated with this music. I've never heard any of this before, so I'm a rookie to this crap. I assume he/they are from New York. Here are some people who might have put in work (guessing): Ryan G, Slim Goody, & Sterling Reynolds. All your favorites! The leaked tracks mixtape is from 2009 and it has less than 100 listens. So fun.

One final thing, this mixtape might be called "New York State of Mind 2009" but I don't think that it's a follow up to "N.Y. State of Mind" by Nas. That song came out way back in 1992 before any of these gentlemen were born. But at least we have an idea where our subjects are coming from creatively (the cesspool). Not to mention that Jay-Z came out with a song called "Empire State of Mind" in 2009! Same thing. And Billy Joel came out with a terrible song called "New York State of Mind" in like 1945. So Cipher is just churning up old shit by biting Nas,  Billy Joel, and Jay-Z. WACK.

Enjoy the review:

1. "Want You Forever" - The Cipher ft. Ryan G
PLEASE, oh please, I hope this isn't a love song. You don't start your album with a love song.
Glaaak, it is! They started the mixtape with a love song! "OH NO YOU DIDN'T" - Tyler Perry and everyone else.

The beat is sooo smooooth. It's "shit you ride to" as someone talking on the album suggests (with a lot of echo). Why is it that these amateur rappers use so much echo?

The first guy on the mic sounds a little lost, and he kicks off the album by saying that he "displays" emotions "like a trophy". Really? He might mean that he displays ladies like a trophy after he plays with their emotions, but that's not what he says. Besides that, the rest of the first verse is almost indecipherable. "But how is the chorus?" you ask. Well, here it is, decide for yourself:

"I try to make it up to you / I want you forever (x4)
Cuz if it didn't happen / then you recognize my treasure"

Hahaha? HAHAHAH! FAIL BLOG.COM. What a joke. Was someone singing on there? HAHAH! Stop it. You sing terrible. The second verse isn't much better than the first. In fact, it's MUCH WORSE. I can't even understand that guy at all. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WITH THE PRODUCTION ON THE SECOND VERSE, KIDS? It's so bad that I'll just skip it and only repeat what I can clearly understand:

"...that I got from overseas....forty five keys /
on my own private ship, yeah we ballin' bitch /
haters... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ...good / picked up a pen they thought I wouldn't make it /
... ... upside down ... ... ... like I'm sittin' on muffins /
... ... .."

Awful. Awful. Awful. 3 awfuls.

2. "Do Ya Thang (Freestyle) - Ryan G

Do my thang? DO  MY THANG? How dare you talk to me like that, Ryan. You do not tell me what to do. Do your own thang, a-hole. What do you have to say for yourself now?

Let's check the track: Here's the start

"YAH! WHUSS HAPPENNINN?? . . . My n---a smell goody on the track. YA. Ruluzz a Blizz bag less go."

Then the beat drops, the verse starts, and nothing rapping. What? Then in the back I hear someone saying that they're "checking to see if [their] levels are right". WHAT? DO THAT FIRST? AND THEY WEREN'T RIGHT BTW. Listen, nobody smells goody on a track when your levels are wrong and you miss your start.

Finally we start, and the verse isn't that bad! I mean, I always have a problem with small timers who act rich on a shit mixtape. It's a crock of shit. But the rhymes aren't that bad. The beat goes on for a really, really long time with no that might be a problem. Either shorten up the track or lenghten up the rhymes. Shit, do another verse. Don't just let the beat ride out for three fucking minutes. Jerks. FREESTYLE MORE. AND SMELL MORE GOODY MAYBE?

3. "Get This Money" - The Cipher ft. Ryan G

ANOTHER SMOOTH SONG. ":(" - my face.

Hello! THIS SONG IS SINGING! HAHAHAHAH! YESSS!!! This is the best. People who can't sing, and seriously make an effort and singing, is my favorite kind of singing. AND THESE GUYS SUCK AT SINGING! Why record yourself singing when you're the worst singer?

"♩  ♬ Get this money...Gotta get this goddam money
You know it controls me, baby...Gotta get this goddam money ♪ ♫ "

"Mercy me!" That's hilarious. Guys. Stop. Stop everything. No more singing. No more echoing, no more rapping. The first verse is competent enough, the second verse is crazy. It's like Skee-Lo raps 2012. Awful.

So we've got bad singing + Skee-Lo raps + some jackass talking over the track (at the end) trying to be like Puffy. It's a joke. So is this:

"Cash rules everything around me...CREAM get the money
Real as it getz y'all"


4. "Stay Focused" - The Cipher
How did this leak? The word "leak" suggests two things: (1) the public is very interested in the work, to the point that they can't wait for the release date; (2) someone on the inside something, something. Who cares? This shit wasn't leaked. But maybe this song is, in fact, good enough to leak...let's listen.

"See everybody got a trade man...everybody might be...
You know what I'm saying?
Somebody might be a dope boy, you feel me?
Somebody might hoot.
Somebody might be in school, man.
But you feel me? Everybody gotta get grimey with that shit, dog.
Everybody do something man, you feel me?
While some n----s trap, I might be on the court.
While some n----s trappin, I might be in the bricks.
But everybody got a trade, don't look down on my n---- for that.
Shit. You feel me? Get grimey, n----."

My trade is reviewing rap, and , son, I get mad grimey. I'm so deep they got a lifeguard on the side in case some weak ass clowns wade out here and get in over their heads. Don't look down on me for that. It's what I do. Fuck up weak raps and trash beats on the daily.

Gess what? We have a trash beat and lousy production. The lyrical content is above the musical content, but I don't think that you should be calling yourself a "CEO" if your not actually running some sort of company (you know with revenue and leverage and employees and shit). More people would like your music if they could relate to you. I appreciate the lines about, uh, working on your lines...that's good stuff and your work shows. But you gotta work on your production.

Once again we have a chorus featuring singing. And, hahahah. Seriously, HAHAHAH! You gotta stop the singing. Nobody wants to hear that.

Then the track ends with some talking about how you "gotta stay focused". First of all that's not really novel advice. It's just normal common sense. Plus, don't give people advice on how to make it when you yourself haven't made it. And, yo, this is very crappy advice: "don't let nobody take you out your comfort zone". Maybe focus on smartening up, The Cipher.

5. "I Ball" - T Lo
Who doesn't ball? I don't. Most people do, I think. Do you ball? Sure. What is balling? I don't know for sure. Let's ask T Lo!

Oh my. What is going on with your voice T Lo? You sound terrible. It sounds like something is getting coughed up during the chorus. Now these lyrics might not be 100% correct (because they are tough to understand), but we'll do our best...
I show at, and throw at
kid want airythang, kid get nay
Ya hear me? I . . . I . . . I . . . ball (hey whatchu doin?)
I . . . I . . . I . . . ball (hey whatchu doin?)"

Eh. You talk about how much things cost, lots of drums....what are you talking about T Lo? The CLUB? Poppin' BOTTLES? LAMES being MAD? CASH? WEAK SHIT? SWAG? A CHAIN? SHORTY? GUCCI Bag? KICKS? T-SHIRT? PAPER? GAME? Never CHANGE? SO MANY NUMBERS! ALL CAPS!

Good topics. So fresh. Farmer's Market.

6. "Rule the World" - The Cipher ft. Lazarus
From the first few notes it's clear that this song is going to be a delight. So smooth. Sooooooo Smooooooth. That is until some jerk yells "REAL AS IT GETS!". Once the song starts there is no way that anyone could hear anything on this track but the shitty beat. HOLY SHIT. What sound is that? Keyboard obviously, but why use it?

The rapping sounds like so much work. I mean these guys sound weighed down by their words. The goal of this track is okay, I mean, it's a social track. Fine. I like those, but these guys might not have the knack. Whatever that means.

 7. "By Way of Expression (Freestyle)" - The Cipher

Last song! (Air horn)!

Piano. Coughing. It's going to be a deep track. Maybe will we hear some singing? Not yet. But wait. The piano is a little lame, and the keyboard is way too much, but the drums are good. Nice beat!

One verse and that's it! So easy! How was it? Bad - NO DUH.

IN CONCLUSION: We did it! We reviewed "New York State of Mind 2009 / 5 LEAKED TRACKS"! It gave me an appreciation for my free time and how I could be doing other things besides listening to straight sewer trash. And whoever put this album together, YOU could be doing so much more with your time besides making "music". How about just not rap? Try it!


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