Get Smart About Twerking with French Montana's "Pop That"

TWERK OR DIE

GREETINGS YOU STINK NERDS.

Today we're going to get smart about whatever the fuck twerking is. Fuck it. You know you want to know. But who can teach us? YOUR STINK MOM? Hell no. We need an expert. How about French Montana? Whoever that is. His world famous number 1 song "Pop That" will answer all of our questions about twerking. Let us go to him and have our questions answered (mystical shit (not the rapper Mystical)).

Let's see. French Montana is somehow a Moroccan Somali, so he's worldwide. He is the CEO of Cocane City Records, which is the place that everyone wants to get a job once they score their MBA. So good on that, French. He's somehow involved with Maybach and Bad Boy, so you know he's making hit after hit. This is one of those hits!

LET'S GET AT THIS A-HOLES.



Well that was a let down. Blowin' out the drum machine with a million pops and snaps every second.

Also: surprise! This song features Drake, Lil Wayne, and Rick Ross. All of your favorites together in one place. Personally, I'm not a fan of anyone on this roster, but I am a fan of Rick Ross's fucking necklace of his own face. That's boss shit. STUPID SHIT!!!! Could you say that Rick Ross twerks with his own face on his neclace? Yo! Rick Ross, twerk your fucking face. Is that what twerking is? Let's check the chorus:

Don't stop, pop that, don't stop
Pop that pop that pop that
(What you twerkin' with)
(repeat x 1000000)

HOOOOOLY SHIIIIIT! That doesn't answer anything. What is twerking? Is it that face thing with Rick Ross fucking his own face? Probably not. Is it working and bouncing? What do you think? I don't know. I think it has something to do with ladies. Am I right? Don't answer...my sister's kids read this blog. Oh, don't show them that terrible video either, they're both under 6.

I think that I'm making a pretty safe guess that twerking has something to do with ladies. That guess is based on the fact that 40% of this song is about ladies. But the other 60% is about how much money all the rappers have. Nice. It's so fun to listen to rich people rap about their posessions. I can relate! I love to hear about expensive shit! Don't stop, don't stop. Maybe Mitt Romney should rap? What do you think?

So, since we cracked that "ladies" thing. Let's see what the fella's are rapping about money-wise.

French Montana:
1. Rolls-Royce Phantom
2. Drinking that top-shelf Vodka that Diddy makes at his apartment (Ciroc)
3. Throwing money on the floor.
4. Having a "Brinks" truck in his pocket - LOTS OF CASH ON HAND (COOL!)
5. Wearing 30 chains
6. Having two convertibles with no mileage
7. Being generally rich
8. Having a Bugatti
9. Buying lots of drugs


Well, that was neat. I love it. Who's next?

Ah, Rick Ross (HAHAHAHA):
1. Having a four door Bugatti
2. Spending a "stack" every minute of fifty's or one hundreds


Not too much bragging! Uh, STEP YOUR GAME UP RICK ROSS. Who's next?

Drake (ugh):
1. He makes three times as much money - whatever the heck that means
2. Money is coming and going
3. He bought a house
4. He loves champagne
5. He's got one watch that could "pay for all your chains"
6. He buys drinks for everyone at some swanky Hollywood bar or something


I'll tell you one thing: Drake has a lot of moooonnnneeeeeyyyy. He also is pretty mad at people who don't. Hateful. That's fine! Last up:

Lil' Wayne:
1. Shouts out his clothing line
2. He's just "rich"


Lot's of dineros. Lot's of bragging. So if you want to learn more about twerking, get a lot of money. Then I guess you can twerk with the best of them.


IN CONCLUSION: I don't know how anyone could listen to this festering pile of shit. Do people who listen to this want to be rich? Are they rich people? Are they poor people? Listen, these guys are exploiting you. They stick you for your money on some empty ass shit that they call music. You know who likes this shit? People with low self confidence. People who are so beat down by the world that their only escape is to listen to rich people describe how they control everything. They key is control. These weak ass nerds feel powerful when they hear shit like this. Nobody can step on a rich guy. Ladies can't reject a rich guy. Everything goes right for the rich.

Well here is my advice to you. Figure out who you are and where society is actually forcing you. Then make a change. Dont accept it. You're not a failure. You're exactly the same as the dorks who made this garbage song. SO CHANGE. I'm not talking weak get out the vote nonsense, I'm talking beat the system somehow. Stop listening to these clowns and fill your head with real wisdom.

FIGHT THE POWER AND FUCK FRENCH MONTANA, RICK ROSS, DRAKE, AND LIL WAYNE. Pop that, fat cats.

POP THAT SCORE 0/10

Yo! Check Out My Cover: "Quap Gettaz"

--Official Stats--
Artist: Parlae, Yo Gotti, Starlito, Young Buck, SlickPulla, GucciMane+ More
Album: Quap Gettaz True Trap Xcluzives (mixtape)
Release Date: September 3, 2010
Listens: 490

This is where I review an album cover without listening to the album. Enjoy.

Imagine you're walking around Zoo Atlanta with your family. You're making friends and checking out the Parakeets when you venture off a bit to get a Coke. Suddenly you are snared in a trap and find yourself blindfolded in the back of a crunk van. After a short drive you're pulled out and the blindfold is removed. It turns out that you're at some abandoned "parts and salvage" building. Is this a nightmare or a mixtape album cover? Wait, you're surrounded! Your captors introduce themselves (as listed in the album description):

Parlae of Dem Franchize Boyz
Yo Gotti - A/K/A Lil Yo from J Records
Starlito - A/K/A the All $tar Cashville Prince, from Cash Money Records
Young Buck
Slick Pulla from United Streets Dopeboyz of America and the Corporate Thugs
Gucci Mane
and you also see the Bo$$ Ri¢k Ro$$ (without his famous chain of his own face)

This is serious. But it gets worse, the mastermind behind the whole operation is called "http://mrelectriccity.wordpress.com/" (a website!) who you immediately know by his alternate name "U Know I Got Them Xcluzives". It doesn't look good. (That website is hilariously listed as presenting the album, wtf?)

So let's examine the scene. All of these rappers are known as "Quap Gettas" and trappers, and everybody knows what those two terms mean. Actually not many people do, but from your experience "Back Door Boomin'" with Young Buck you know that Quap Gettas are quick money makers and trappers are rappers who wear t-shirts.

The abandoned building is just a common place that trappers use as a hideout and to keep their wheelbarrows of cash and to rap (seriously, wheelbarrows? I hope there isn't a gust of wind). It looks like a dreadful place, and, trust me, you're not getting rescued if you're a hostage there, I mean there is trash everywhere and nobody wants anything to do with Quap Gettas. But you notice something odd as you cower in fear, among the five hostage takers standing before you (one has a vest and a machine gun, so he was probably in the Navy Seals...Also, is he kneeling in the Wheelbarrow? Because his legs don't touch the ground.) There are stacks of money that have fallen to the ground. Rick Ro$$ (the guy on the far left with the sunglasses who looks like he is saying "I have an idea!") is standing near some money that fell out of a wheelbarrow, but the stack is bigger than his shoe! You realize that these aren't real people, they've been poorly superimposed! And that's not real money, it was also superimposed, it's not even kind of flying around that middle guy at all (or is it falling out of his hat?). Those guys were never even there! It even looks like their chains were superimposed on their chests. You're all alone. Or are you?

You soon realize that you were never really a hostage, you were still at the zoo and everything was superimposed the whole time (that building even looks somehow fake). It was a birthday surprise from your loving wife. Happy Birthday, this cover is awful.

Art Score: 0/10
Review Score: 0/10

 

Download Mixtape | Free Mixtapes Provided by DatPiff.com

Yo! Check Out My Necklace: Rick Ross

Yo! Check Out My Necklace: Rick Ross

So we all know that everybody loves Rick Ross.  Who could forget that one song he had about money, you know "Maybach Music 2"?  I mean you love Rick Ross, and so do your friends, plus everyone in Florida and high school. So everybody. It's not up for debate. But I guarantee that even more people like Rick Ross's Rick Ross necklace. A necklace of his face.  I know this is old news but it's also trilla news, and I can't pass that up.  I mean it's no wonder he's in a yacht club. He started out as a correctional officer and went on to become a billionaire, so of course he would have the most amazing necklace ever.  He went from nothing to something (a necklace of his own face). That necklace is going hammer.  He probably didn't even have this made, he just wished for it and it was there. I mean he probably didn't even wish for it specifically, he probably just said something like "I wish I had the best necklace ever that nobody could steal."  And poof there it was in his wine cellar, and he was like "Is that a mirror? No? Better!  It's precsious metal formed into the shape of my face.  Swagga."

It's rare that something this profound comes around and unites us.  See, now that's how you get promoted to BO$$, get a necklace of your own face.

This is not BO$$ because it mocks the real BO$$ and it looks like a muppet.

Necklace Score: 10/10

Two normal guys.

Nobody is reminded of this, right?



Make sure you check out Skool Boy's equally respectable necklace collection.