Thursday, December 20, 2012

JG Choice Cut: Big Boi "In The A"

Welcome back friends! This is the post series where my friend from Detroit recommends a song, and I review it! It always turns out great, except for when he recommends a commercial. Remember that one, JG? Remember when you blew it?

Anyway, to make up for it, JG has recommended a Big Boi track, and I genuinely like Big Boi. In fact he's one of the best ever. On the serious. He overcame his kind of dumb name and impressed the world. But even so I would be uncomfortable calling him Big Boi. "Hi, Big Boi!" - nope.

So the song is called "In the A" which is good. I hear they have bad drivers there, and real housewives. Dope. But even thought this track seems to have everything going for it, it also has a couple of big minuses: the FEATURING OF LUDACRIS and T.I.. I know they're from Atlanta and all, but I don't like to hear them rap! And I don't like to see them act. Stay out of my media, assholes.

Maybe this time they will be chill? Can Big Boi save the track (probably)...let's find out...

Oh. Pause at 0:14. I don't like this. Is this song done? I don't want to hear a slowed down old sample. Yikes. Who produced this? Showdown, DJ Aries, & Black Owned C-Bone. Good grief. Who? Black Owned C-Bone? Is that like collar bone? Frowny paint face. In the A in the A in the A in the A in the A.

Who raps that fist verse? I can't tell. This shit is insane, not in a good way. It's like a kid got on the soundboard and turned on all the fucking samples at once. I can tell three or more people produced this shit at the same time.

In the A in the A in the A in the A in the A.
In the A in the A in the A in the A in the A.
In the A in the A in the A in the A in the A.
In the A in the A in the A in the A in the A.

I hope "A" doesn't mean "Ass".

Big Boi has verse two. And guess what: it's dope. Can any beat trip up Big Boi? No. I think Big Boi was like, "Hey DJ Aries! Hey, Black Owned C-Bone! Hey Showdown! Make me the worst beat ever to fuck up whoever I have guest spot." And they were like, "Wait, Big Boi, it'll fuck you up too!". And Big Boi was like "I CAN'T BE FUCKED UP BY A BEAT. MAKE IT THE WORST"...and so they did.

Big Boi killed the beat without even showing up. He just probably rapped in his car on the speakerphone while he ate Taco Bell becasue he doesn't have to worry about it.

T.I. was overwhelmed by the beat. He stepped in front of it confidently and it grabbed him by the brim of his cap and sucked him in, then it shredded him up and he ended up losing an arm or some shit. Amputee shit.

So Ludacris saw all this shit going on, and heard the beat and called his manager and was like "Make Black Owned C-Bone tone down this bullshit ass beat or I'm walking." and it was done. The beat was tamed for Luda, and he was still maimed, but not as bad.

So that's the true story of how T.I. lost an arm. Only in the A, right?

IN CONCLUSION: What have we learned

1. When doing a beat with Big Boi, STOP. Think. Keep a safe distance and evaluate the beat to judge its danger level. Use a long stick to keep trickier parts of the loop away from your most vulnerable body parts.

2. Do NOT follow Big Boi. You'll sound like shit no matter what.

3. Give yourself plenty of time to lay your verse. Don't rush it or you'll sound like shit.

4. Eat a healthy breakfast and get plenty of sleep before writing your rhymes. Big Boi will make you look like a rookie if you're even a bit off your game.

5. Be prepared to abandon everything you wrote if the flow doesn't match the beat (which it probably won't).

6. Try not to think of how Big Boi killed the beat without even writing anything down. He's a pro. Worry about not sounding like shit on a bad beat.

Done. This song sucked except for Big Boi.


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