Thursday, December 6, 2012

Track Checker: The B.I.Z. "Remember What's Important"

This is where my hat goes, boss.

#SALUTE (not to this fucking jack off, but to my readers)

This review is going to seem mad hateful, but I'm not hating, I'm reporting. These are facts. This is a news site. And I am a professional. Get with it, y'all.

So, we're working our way accross the United States state by state checking on how hip hop is doing in the rest of the country. Yep, we're reviewing hip hop and making judgements on entire states based on one or two artists. We've established that Washington and Idaho are absolutely terrible states and should never be allowed to release any rap at all. Oregon is the worst too. Today we continue our voyage east to the great empty state of Montana. We're going to check out a guy named "The B.I.Z." representing Bozeman Montana (population <100k in the whole metro area).

The B.I.Z. is "hoping" to make rap "a career one day", and he is inspired by all of the greats...all he wants is a record deal.

Of course, when I saw name The B.I.Z. had selected, I immeadately thought of one of my favorite MCs Biz Markie. Then I thought to myself "...this motherfucker had better bring it if he's using that name." So! Let's se if my friend here, The B.I.Z. brings it with his song "Remember What's Important"..BIZ FROM BOZE! IN DA PLACE:

Okay! We start out with a few R.I.P shout outs, then a cold reminder: ladies and money aren't everything.

So what is important, The B.I.Z.?

Verse 1:

1. Saying your name with a shit load of echos
2. Being in the house
3. Keeping your stride through "the bullshit"
4. Being decent to people you don't know (we gotta work on that one here)
5. Uh, a couple of indecipherable things that are VERY IMPORTANT, but not important enough to rap clearly.

Verse 2:

1. Shouting out all the single moms with the booomb
2. Something about listing the government?
3. This:

"This one goes out to all ya kids without the father
don't blame ya mother...for this either
or begin to loath her...just love your mother
she's so gallant, you must sit grieving
about the father that wasn't present
through ya decent of ya adolesence..."

HOLY SHIT. HOLD ON AND HOLY SHIT AGAIN. First of all, did you just find "thesarus" on google, asshole? Actually, FIRST OF ALL let's talk about the word "Gallant". I know it means "brave", but to me it means a man who uses extreme courtesy when macking on a lady in the olden days. Is your mom macking on the ladies, B.I.Z.? WELL? This is a waste of my time. The verse is an awful nightmare. It's clear this is another kid with daddy issues and he's laying them on wax as directly and basically as possible. Nice job.

Let's move on...

VERSE 3: What in the fuck is this? A british accent. Good grief.

1. Shouting out people "working hard" in the "barnyard", "stockyard", "shipyard", etc.
2. Shouting out people following their dream (with a ton of shit raps)
3. Back to the no father thing. Loving on your mother (again).
4. Shouting out everyone "in the struggle" that has to "juggle" a "squadron" of "children"

Done. So the important thing to remember is mostly giving shouts out and using FUCK.

What a piece of rap garbage. Toilet trash. Well, it's no surprise that the ENTIRE STATE OF MONTANA SUCKS AT RAP. Don't even try anymore, Montana. Give it up Big Sky State. Focus on ranching or whatever is going on out there. Fucking camping.

IN CONCLUSION: I would say that the rest of the country thinks that it is important for Montana quit rapping. But the truth is that nobody gives a shit about Montana. The same thing goes for French Montana, fuck him.


See the birds?

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