Thursday, November 1, 2012

Get Smart About Twerking with French Montana's "Pop That"



Today we're going to get smart about whatever the fuck twerking is. Fuck it. You know you want to know. But who can teach us? YOUR STINK MOM? Hell no. We need an expert. How about French Montana? Whoever that is. His world famous number 1 song "Pop That" will answer all of our questions about twerking. Let us go to him and have our questions answered (mystical shit (not the rapper Mystical)).

Let's see. French Montana is somehow a Moroccan Somali, so he's worldwide. He is the CEO of Cocane City Records, which is the place that everyone wants to get a job once they score their MBA. So good on that, French. He's somehow involved with Maybach and Bad Boy, so you know he's making hit after hit. This is one of those hits!


Well that was a let down. Blowin' out the drum machine with a million pops and snaps every second.

Also: surprise! This song features Drake, Lil Wayne, and Rick Ross. All of your favorites together in one place. Personally, I'm not a fan of anyone on this roster, but I am a fan of Rick Ross's fucking necklace of his own face. That's boss shit. STUPID SHIT!!!! Could you say that Rick Ross twerks with his own face on his neclace? Yo! Rick Ross, twerk your fucking face. Is that what twerking is? Let's check the chorus:

Don't stop, pop that, don't stop
Pop that pop that pop that

(What you twerkin' with)
(repeat x 1000000)

HOOOOOLY SHIIIIIT! That doesn't answer anything. What is twerking? Is it that face thing with Rick Ross fucking his own face? Probably not. Is it working and bouncing? What do you think? I don't know. I think it has something to do with ladies. Am I right? Don't sister's kids read this blog. Oh, don't show them that terrible video either, they're both under 6.

I think that I'm making a pretty safe guess that twerking has something to do with ladies. That guess is based on the fact that 40% of this song is about ladies. But the other 60% is about how much money all the rappers have. Nice. It's so fun to listen to rich people rap about their posessions. I can relate! I love to hear about expensive shit! Don't stop, don't stop. Maybe Mitt Romney should rap? What do you think?

So, since we cracked that "ladies" thing. Let's see what the fella's are rapping about money-wise.

French Montana:
1. Rolls-Royce Phantom
2. Drinking that top-shelf Vodka that Diddy makes at his apartment (Ciroc)
3. Throwing money on the floor.
4. Having a "Brinks" truck in his pocket - LOTS OF CASH ON HAND (COOL!)
5. Wearing 30 chains
6. Having two convertibles with no mileage
7. Being generally rich
8. Having a Bugatti
9. Buying lots of drugs

Well, that was neat. I love it. Who's next?

Ah, Rick Ross (HAHAHAHA):
1. Having a four door Bugatti
2. Spending a "stack" every minute of fifty's or one hundreds

Not too much bragging! Uh, STEP YOUR GAME UP RICK ROSS. Who's next?

Drake (ugh):
1. He makes three times as much money - whatever the heck that means
2. Money is coming and going
3. He bought a house
4. He loves champagne
5. He's got one watch that could "pay for all your chains"
6. He buys drinks for everyone at some swanky Hollywood bar or something

I'll tell you one thing: Drake has a lot of moooonnnneeeeeyyyy. He also is pretty mad at people who don't. Hateful. That's fine! Last up:

Lil' Wayne:
1. Shouts out his clothing line
2. He's just "rich"

Lot's of dineros. Lot's of bragging. So if you want to learn more about twerking, get a lot of money. Then I guess you can twerk with the best of them.

IN CONCLUSION: I don't know how anyone could listen to this festering pile of shit. Do people who listen to this want to be rich? Are they rich people? Are they poor people? Listen, these guys are exploiting you. They stick you for your money on some empty ass shit that they call music. You know who likes this shit? People with low self confidence. People who are so beat down by the world that their only escape is to listen to rich people describe how they control everything. They key is control. These weak ass nerds feel powerful when they hear shit like this. Nobody can step on a rich guy. Ladies can't reject a rich guy. Everything goes right for the rich.

Well here is my advice to you. Figure out who you are and where society is actually forcing you. Then make a change. Dont accept it. You're not a failure. You're exactly the same as the dorks who made this garbage song. SO CHANGE. I'm not talking weak get out the vote nonsense, I'm talking beat the system somehow. Stop listening to these clowns and fill your head with real wisdom.



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