BEST & WORST of 2012



Exactly how we felt for 2012 (we're all Freeway).

Greetings from Knoxville, TN! HAHA just kidding, I would never go there. I assume it's the worst city of 2012! Are you getting an idea of what this is? It's a best and worst of 2012 list. Cool.

WAY BACK in January of 2012, when we published our terrible "Best & Worst" of 2011" entry, I realized that these year-end posts are hard and I should put more effort into them. Well, I didn't. In fact, I put less effort into this post then I did the 2011 post, and i barely put any effort into that at all (look I didn't even bother to capitalize that "i". Lazy). So here is our half-assed look at the best and worst on 2012.

Also, we're not exactly looking at hip hop in general for 2012. We're mainly looking at this lame blog. So fun.

BEST

2012 BEST RECORD RELEASE
Kreayshawn "Somethin' Bout Kreay"

It's hard to believe that when we came into 2012, none of us had any idea who Kreayshawn is was. Way back in January we tried to guess her identity just based on her name (we failed). Now, I don't have any problem with her gender or her race, but I have a major issue with her shit garbage music and her moronic friends. Anyway, her music is appaling and, as evidence of karma, she was rewarded with EXACTLY THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF ALBUM SALES: 4,000. HAHAH! I don't think we even talked about that on this blog friends, and it the best thing of the year! It's perfect. An idiot sells 4,000 records of bad music.

2012 BEST FIRST RESPONDER
Game "Uncle Otis", "Cough Up A Lung",




I'll spit the same 16 at your eulogy.


2012 BEST PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE OF THE YEAR
Cappadonna

It's no secret that none of us around here love voting, or elections, or presidential candidates, or rich people, or the system, or police, or wack rappers. I won't go into it, but we found a fantastic alternative to B.O. Bama and the other guy (who was that again?). CAPPADONNA. Who could be a better president? Answer that. Son wouldn't have even needed a VP. If we could turn back time we would rig the election and get our man in there. You fucks ruined the next four years.



2012 BEST STACK BOYS
$tack Boys (not Stack Boys)



Well, 2012 was the year we met both sets of Stack Boys, and decided which one should win the right to use the name "Stack Boys". Well, the preteens lost to some other teens, giving the $tack Boys the win. Nice job fellas. You still suck, but not as bad as some mallwhore rich kids.

2012 BEST NEW ARTIST
Krispy Kreme (or whatever he changes his name to)




I'm sure I'll regret this at some point. But fuck, kid. This guy released track after track and not only did they sucessfully mock all the shit that is wrong with rap, they're also kind of good. It's kind of genius and kind of annoying. Think about this, this track is at about the same quality as most new shit out there, the rhymes just seem more basic. These words alone locked him in a "best" slot: "haters want to be me". Genius and annoying. Gennoying.

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WORST
2012 WORST COUNTRY ON EARTH (TIE)

AUSTRALIA & CANADA

CANADA AND AUSTRALIA FUCKING SUCK AT RAP. I've been in fights on Twitter about this. I've been in fights in person about this. I argued with your mom about this. But I stand by it becasue it's a fact. Plus the only people who disagree are from those awful countries.

The only thing I might add is that not only do these two countries SUCK hard at rapping, their citizens are too stupid to know better. This ensures that they'll never lose the crown of terrible rapper nests. Even to England, which is so close to being in a three way tie with these two heaps of shit.

2012 WORST STATE
WASHINGTON

No surprise here. Almost every time I found an embarassing rap song it was from the garbage disposal state of Washington. "Cram your egg shells in the drain along with the waste water and dinner scrapings and grind that shit to go to the sewer" - That's what I say about Washington. #peeattle #spoklame #holempia
"Pugetsoundia" is a prime example.



Go Ka-Bang like Plow!

Runner(s) up: Idaho, Oregon


2012 WORST PEOPLE (TIE)
SCIENTISTS & COLLEGE PEOPLE

These educated people think they're so smart. Teaching us about medical crap, swearing at us about climate change, and restricting our right to smoke. F U, you're the worst. Don't rap anymore.

2012 WORST COLLABOBlondie "NO EXIT"

People, I know that this song is from 1999, but I heard it for the first time this year and it sucks megahard. I've even heard worse collaboration songs this year (French Montana), but this one is stuffed with people I respect, and I was expecting a lot more.

YOU BLEW IT BLONDIE, MOBB DEEP, INSPECTAH DECK, and U-GOD....YOU LOWERED YOURSELF TO COOLIO'S LEVEL LIKE FIFTEEN YEARS AGO - AND YOU EARNED A SPOT ON THIS LIST.



2012 WORST SIDEKICK / PRODUCER
Leatha Face (Leatha Fase)

This guy singlehandedly ruined the end of 2012 for us with his production work on the Hillside Scramblers nightmare that we've been reviewing. His beats are junk. At least his beats from the early 90's are junk...who knows what he's doing today. Plus, as U-God's right hand man, we've heard way to many of his incompetent rhymes from a decade ago. Hopefully, we won't cross paths as many times with this guy in the one-tre as we did in the one-deuce.


2012 WORST MIXTAPE TITLE
"The Cakeover" by Cako

What a joke.

IN CONCLUSION: That's it! This list should be on the "Wost" side of 2012, no? hatever, I hope your 2013 is more like the Stack Boys and less like the $tack Boys.

2012 SCORE 0/10

Yo! That's Your Theme Song: Portlandia

This image is relevant...just wait.

Sometimes life takes a strange turn and surprises you with something that you don’t expect. For me that strange turn involved the genuinely funny IFC show Portlandia and the surprise was how the theme song of the show, Feel It All Around by Washed Out, got deeply embedded in my head and continues to be lodged in there like some sort of unmovable stone. I like the song a lot, but at the same time I hate the song because I can’t understand what they’re singing about and when I hear it playing in my head all day and night I just have an impression of the music, not the actual music, the song is just too much like what you hear when you get the gas at the dentist…it's spaced out music. In my head it’s just irritating moaning, but I still love the song even though it's not hip hop. I also love the show.

“Yo! This ain’t got nothing to do with hip hop” – You.

Hold on a minute, friend. Last night I looked up this song on YouTube to try to get it out of my head by listening to it a lot of times. You know, like quitting smoking by smoking a whole pack and getting sick. Well, it didn’t work; the song is still up there. Anyway, guess what I found: a hip hop version of the song! For one thing: oh brother, and for another thing, I didn’t listen to it. I had to hear the original again and again (I’ve got a problem). So today I’m going to go ahead and review the hip hop version. Fun? No way, but what else do you have going on? A rim job*?
*I don't know what that is, so we'll say that I meant that it has something to do with cars.

I would guess that Portland, Oregon is not an incubator for dope authentic hip hop. I mean I’ve heard hip hop from Seattle, and that’s close to Oregon, but I hope this isn’t as bad as that. But on the other hand I’ve also been surprised by great hip hop coming out of weird states like North Carolina and Kentucky, so this might have a chance.

Enough talk, let’s do this thing.

Let’s start with the fantastic and non-hip hop original track: Washed Up’s Feel It All Around, but let me warn you: this song is very dangerous and will get stuck in your head and ruin your life.

Oh man that is too good. Beard! Real whispy!

"Weeee feeeeeel it allllll arooooonnnnnnnd daaaahhhhhh saaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

you'lllllllllllllll knnnnnnooooow it's juuuuuuuuuusss aaahhhhh noooooooo aahhhhh naaaaaaaaayy-aaahhhhhhhhh"

 Now for the hip hop rap version:

HIT THE BREAKS! That song WAS FROM WASHINGTON! DAMMIT. Wha? WHAT? It wasn't a Portland song?  If I had known that I wouldn't have listend to it. We already knew that Washington sucks a rap, so this whole song sucking shouldn't be a surprise.

Otherwise, that was exactly what I expected. OK anTONE? Who are you and why are you here? I noticed your song is called "Puget Soundia", so...anTONE is clearly an idIOT. "idIotia"? What did you say when you watched the show "Portlandia", anTONE? 

"This show is about Oregon and even though that's an entirely different state than Washington, AND even though the two states probably some kind of dumb rivalry I'll go ahead and use that clearly non-rap beat and make terrible lyrics over it about the Puget Sound. Oregon is close enough to Seattle for me."

You know what anTONE? Two things: 1. From now on I'm not spelling "Antone" like a dumbass and 2. Find a fucking beat that somehow represents your city and quit acting like an idiot. "Puget Soundia" is the DUMBEST song title ever in the history of the Earth. It stinks. "You're fired!" - Donald Trump to you. The Puget Sound SUCKS ANYWAY, I learned that from these two dunces.

ANTONE IS A DUMBASS, 206!

As for your lyrics? They suck. Here are the hashtags I would assign to your lyrics:

#fifthgrade #cowardly #lame #lol #weak #biter #poser #fronting #unoriginal #getalife

Let's just skip to the last line of the song so you know what kind of guy we're dealing with:

"If you like what you hear then turn this fucking jam up"

Okay, that's a normal line, but YOU SPIT IT WHEN THE SONG IS FADING OUT. How can we turn it up Antone? The song is over when you say that. You're over. GOOD GRIEF.

Done.com...you're done. What a joke. And why do Seattle rappers talk so much about getting signed? You won't get signed because you SUCK and your state is getting a really bad rap reputation. A bad raputation. Quit talking about it, focus on the raps and quit using profanity just to use it (like a kid), SAY SOMETHING YOU LOW LIFE.

So let's review: Antone sucks at lyrics, Antone sucks at picking beats. Portlandia is a funny show.

Also, WASHINGTON STATE HAS SOLIDIFIED IT'S POSITION AS THE WORST STATE IN AMERICA AT RAPPING AND WYOMING IS A STATE.

Feel It All Around Score 10/10

Portlandia Score 10/10
Puget Soundia Score 0/10

And another hip hop song on this beat...stop it, please. At least this one is actually from Oregon, but that doesn't make it okay. Okay? Okay, I'm guessing that this isn't bad by local Oregon standards, but by big tyme international standards this is shit. It's like rich people rapping about their college. Sustainable hip hop? GOOD GRIEF? Rythmic drip drop? GOODER GRIEF. #eattherich. #sinkoregon. #WAhastheworstrappers

Uh, I guess there is also a whole Portlandia mixtape...we'll have to get to that later. A lot later. We're not that motivated. At least that song is kind of out of my head now.

Don't let these rappers discourage you Fred & Carrie! Keep on joking and picking good theme songs.