BEST & WORST of 2012



Exactly how we felt for 2012 (we're all Freeway).

Greetings from Knoxville, TN! HAHA just kidding, I would never go there. I assume it's the worst city of 2012! Are you getting an idea of what this is? It's a best and worst of 2012 list. Cool.

WAY BACK in January of 2012, when we published our terrible "Best & Worst" of 2011" entry, I realized that these year-end posts are hard and I should put more effort into them. Well, I didn't. In fact, I put less effort into this post then I did the 2011 post, and i barely put any effort into that at all (look I didn't even bother to capitalize that "i". Lazy). So here is our half-assed look at the best and worst on 2012.

Also, we're not exactly looking at hip hop in general for 2012. We're mainly looking at this lame blog. So fun.

BEST

2012 BEST RECORD RELEASE
Kreayshawn "Somethin' Bout Kreay"

It's hard to believe that when we came into 2012, none of us had any idea who Kreayshawn is was. Way back in January we tried to guess her identity just based on her name (we failed). Now, I don't have any problem with her gender or her race, but I have a major issue with her shit garbage music and her moronic friends. Anyway, her music is appaling and, as evidence of karma, she was rewarded with EXACTLY THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF ALBUM SALES: 4,000. HAHAH! I don't think we even talked about that on this blog friends, and it the best thing of the year! It's perfect. An idiot sells 4,000 records of bad music.

2012 BEST FIRST RESPONDER
Game "Uncle Otis", "Cough Up A Lung",




I'll spit the same 16 at your eulogy.


2012 BEST PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE OF THE YEAR
Cappadonna

It's no secret that none of us around here love voting, or elections, or presidential candidates, or rich people, or the system, or police, or wack rappers. I won't go into it, but we found a fantastic alternative to B.O. Bama and the other guy (who was that again?). CAPPADONNA. Who could be a better president? Answer that. Son wouldn't have even needed a VP. If we could turn back time we would rig the election and get our man in there. You fucks ruined the next four years.



2012 BEST STACK BOYS
$tack Boys (not Stack Boys)



Well, 2012 was the year we met both sets of Stack Boys, and decided which one should win the right to use the name "Stack Boys". Well, the preteens lost to some other teens, giving the $tack Boys the win. Nice job fellas. You still suck, but not as bad as some mallwhore rich kids.

2012 BEST NEW ARTIST
Krispy Kreme (or whatever he changes his name to)




I'm sure I'll regret this at some point. But fuck, kid. This guy released track after track and not only did they sucessfully mock all the shit that is wrong with rap, they're also kind of good. It's kind of genius and kind of annoying. Think about this, this track is at about the same quality as most new shit out there, the rhymes just seem more basic. These words alone locked him in a "best" slot: "haters want to be me". Genius and annoying. Gennoying.

-------------------------------------------------------------

WORST
2012 WORST COUNTRY ON EARTH (TIE)

AUSTRALIA & CANADA

CANADA AND AUSTRALIA FUCKING SUCK AT RAP. I've been in fights on Twitter about this. I've been in fights in person about this. I argued with your mom about this. But I stand by it becasue it's a fact. Plus the only people who disagree are from those awful countries.

The only thing I might add is that not only do these two countries SUCK hard at rapping, their citizens are too stupid to know better. This ensures that they'll never lose the crown of terrible rapper nests. Even to England, which is so close to being in a three way tie with these two heaps of shit.

2012 WORST STATE
WASHINGTON

No surprise here. Almost every time I found an embarassing rap song it was from the garbage disposal state of Washington. "Cram your egg shells in the drain along with the waste water and dinner scrapings and grind that shit to go to the sewer" - That's what I say about Washington. #peeattle #spoklame #holempia
"Pugetsoundia" is a prime example.



Go Ka-Bang like Plow!

Runner(s) up: Idaho, Oregon


2012 WORST PEOPLE (TIE)
SCIENTISTS & COLLEGE PEOPLE

These educated people think they're so smart. Teaching us about medical crap, swearing at us about climate change, and restricting our right to smoke. F U, you're the worst. Don't rap anymore.

2012 WORST COLLABOBlondie "NO EXIT"

People, I know that this song is from 1999, but I heard it for the first time this year and it sucks megahard. I've even heard worse collaboration songs this year (French Montana), but this one is stuffed with people I respect, and I was expecting a lot more.

YOU BLEW IT BLONDIE, MOBB DEEP, INSPECTAH DECK, and U-GOD....YOU LOWERED YOURSELF TO COOLIO'S LEVEL LIKE FIFTEEN YEARS AGO - AND YOU EARNED A SPOT ON THIS LIST.



2012 WORST SIDEKICK / PRODUCER
Leatha Face (Leatha Fase)

This guy singlehandedly ruined the end of 2012 for us with his production work on the Hillside Scramblers nightmare that we've been reviewing. His beats are junk. At least his beats from the early 90's are junk...who knows what he's doing today. Plus, as U-God's right hand man, we've heard way to many of his incompetent rhymes from a decade ago. Hopefully, we won't cross paths as many times with this guy in the one-tre as we did in the one-deuce.


2012 WORST MIXTAPE TITLE
"The Cakeover" by Cako

What a joke.

IN CONCLUSION: That's it! This list should be on the "Wost" side of 2012, no? hatever, I hope your 2013 is more like the Stack Boys and less like the $tack Boys.

2012 SCORE 0/10

Track Checker, V-Nasty "We Swobbin'"

These last couple of weeks have been quite a journey for the Tort Team. We discovered a rapper named Kreayshawn (or K$), then we had our expectations shattered as we found out that she was a she (which is rare in rap), then we discovered that she was from Oakland (not Atlanta as we expected), and then we found out she was one of the worst rappers in the history of the planet. Seriously, you'd think she was from Europe with the nonsense she rhymes. I mean, if you just read her lyrics as they are written out one has to wonder if she is intentionally rapping poorly as some kind of gimmick, like she's evolved so far beyond her rap-industry colleagues that she can make a mockery of the artform. She is the worst. It turns out she is part of a collective of Oakland based rappers called the White Girl Mob (OH BROTHER) with our subject today, Vanessa "V-Nasty" Reece, who released this song at some point. If your wondering: Swobbin' is performing the acts of swagin' and mobbin' simultaneously. We have a name for that too: moronic.


To be fair, this group has earned some position in the industry. They work with OFWGKTA members, Snoop Dogg (of course), Lil Wayne, and other major names. Not to mention there have been legitimate fudes with Rick Ro$$ and Game. And all I can say about that is THANK GOD FOR THE GAME. Hip hop is lucky to have him. These girls are going places?


So, with that being said I bet you are expecting a bad review of this song, right? Well, we'll see. Who knows, we might like it. Let's give it a chance...


"We Swobbin'"



You know, I thought that I could come at this song with a clear head and good intent and churn out a positive review. But I can't. Not only is this song technically appalling, it's aesthetically appalling as well. V-Nasty is a terrible rapper. Her flow is amateurish, her rhymes are childish, and her mic presence is ridiculous. She sounds exactly the same as K$, which is one of the worst insults I could hang on someone. But poorly rapping isn't enough for V-Nasty, she found production that sounds like it came out of a brain-injury ward. Keep on that road to recovery brain injury victims, your beats are almost at the brain-activity level of learning-challenged toddlers. And everyone knows that toddlers swob almost all the time.

V-Nasty also mentions that she's "got 'em hatin', but they watchin". Fair enough, we are hatin', but PLEASE BELIEVE that we will not be watching out for any of this trash anytime soon. Keep your crew swobbin' V-Nasty, that way we probably won't run into each other.
What else can I say? Oh yeah, thank GOD for the Game, I think it's time for him to start cleaning this mess up.

We Swobbin' Score 0/10

Track Checker, Kreayshawn "Gucci Gucci"

Kreayshawn — "Gucci Gucci"

Good freaking grief. I have no idea who Kreayshawn is, and since I'm writing this introduction before I've learned anything about this rapper I can honestly give a fresh perspective. You'll know my first reaction to whatever this is. I've never seen any video, heard any song, or even seen a picture of Kreayshawn. More specifically, I've never heard this song, so Gucci Gucci will be an entirely new experience for me. Why am I doing this? Becuase the name Kreayshawn is stupid and the song title Gucci Gucci is even worse. I strongly suspect that I've basically heard this song before a thousand times. It'll be some empty krunk trap bullshit. Right? Definitely.

So before we begin: is Kreayshawn a man or woman*? Based on the name I would have to say that I don't know. Who knows? I'm guessing a guy in the vein of Fashawn. So my official guess is that Kreayshawn is like Fashawn's older brother. His crazy older brother who drinks out of a gas can and wears Atlanta hats upside down or some shit. Oh and he likes designer lablels or whatever. Let's find a photo:

( O_o)!!!!! WHOA AND WHAT? WHAT! That is NOT what I expected at all in any way. Is that your aunt? My mind is blown. Okay, so now I'm wondering if this is even a hip hop song. I just assumed that it was a southern crunk hit, but now I'm not so sure. In fact, based on that picture I'm going to switch gears and just guess that Gucci Gucci is some kind of crappy pop hit. Like Ke$ha, and I don't even know what she sings. Oh, boy. I'm a bit nervous....

This isn't going the way I wanted it to go. I was hoping to learn about terrible ATL rap song or somthing, and then mock it. But now I'm faced with this. A regular pop hit. Maybe? I guess it could still be a rap song....I doubt it though. Now I think it'll be singing. Edgy, youthful, crappy singing. I'm going to post the video...and if it's not hip hop then this review is OVER.

Let's see....

Get More: Kreayshawn, Gucci Gucci, Music, More Music Videos

Okay friends, see you later. Review over. That "song" sucked. It was kind of like rap, I guess. But I won't accept it. This is not welcome at this blog. What a disaster. It can go the way of LMFAO and pander to all the dimwit kids with no taste. I'm sure the toady posers at MTV are involved somehow (that's how I came across the name Kreayshawn to begin with).

So what did we learn? Kreayshawn sounds like a rapper name. Gucci Gucci sounds like a rap song title. People are terrible. Kreayshawn is worse. Sure she is apparently opposed to wearing labels...so something about don't conform, yet she looks like 75% of the teenage girls out there. Cool. This is just cool stuff. Yeah, don't wear labels but make sure to bite like a snapping turtle with your shit lyrics. If you're an aspiring rapper you should definitely check this out so that you know how to not turn out.

Gucci Gucci Score NOT REVIEWED

*[Editor's Note: When we first posed the question regarding whether K$ was a man or a woman we honestly didn't know as none of us had heard anything involved with this before. I want to make it clear that there are TONS of DOPE female MCs...they just don't usually have names like Kreayshawn. That name is the worst.] 

Time for me to RETIRE.